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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to this family party?

15 replies

PurpleFairy3 · 25/09/2013 12:56

Next month a close family member turns 40 and is having a big party. My whole family has been invited, including me and DH. Problem is, we live about 3 hours away. We don't own a car, so would have to get a train, which is expensive and will take longer than driving.

DS is 4 months old and bf. He is still getting used to taking expressed milk from a bottle so I would worry about leaving him for too long - would only stay at the party about 4 hours max. The only person available to babysit is a family friend who is a single mother herself, and I feel it would be a bit much to ask her to take care of two babies.

AIBU not to go? The family would understand, I know, but I feel like I'm maybe not making the effort as I miss so much all the time. I've missed a few other birthdays and family get togethers and we don't see them that often as it is.

OP posts:

DontmindifIdo · 25/09/2013 13:01

YANBU - it's a lot harder with a small baby, it's ok to miss things. I would only go if you could take DS (is it in a hotel or someone's house and could you stay over?).

Otherwise, i'd say the first 6 months are the hardest for being out and about, most first time mums "re-emerge" after 6-7 months (and they get easier to leave the older they get). If it makes you feel better, can you host an event in the near future, a baptism or naming ceremony?

SaucyJack · 25/09/2013 13:04

Why can't your husband stay home? (Or whichever one of you isn't the blood relative?)

WilsonFrickett · 25/09/2013 13:07

Why don't you take the baby with you?

Hegsy · 25/09/2013 13:09

Could you not stay over and make a weekend of it? Give everyone the chance to see your DS too

exexpat · 25/09/2013 13:10

Can you not take DS with you? My DCs (breastfed, wouldn't take bottles) had quite an active social life until they were six or seven months old, though they weren't aware of a lot of it as they were asleep in the sling... Is there any chance you could go, take DS, and stay somewhere locally for one night? Or is it going to be really loud and un-child-friendly like a disco or something?

But I have to say that a six-hour round trip for a party sounds excessive, specially when you would have to leave a very small breast-fed baby behind. I'm sure your family would understand that your social life is bound to suffer a bit in the first year of having a new baby. It would be much easier if it were a big family lunch or something.

Thumbwitch · 25/09/2013 13:11

Yes, why don't you go for the weekend and take the baby with you? Surely there is a bedroom the baby could sleep in? Or is it going to be an excessively noisy party?

ZingWantsCake · 25/09/2013 13:14

I wouldn't go, but would send DH to represent us.

sounds like too much hassle.

cestlavielife · 25/09/2013 13:15

just take the baby with you! he can be in pushchair and sleep at side of room when sleeping. if you need to go out to another room quet space to feed etc then do so.

at that age they very portable. and good idea to let them learn to sleep anywhere.

book a nearby premier inn or travelodge.

Original poster

PurpleFairy3 · 25/09/2013 13:45

Thanks, I hadn't considered taking DS to the party, although I think it may be quite a noisy one - we were going to be staying with my parents. Gonna have a think and see if maybe we can work something out.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 25/09/2013 13:47

4 month olds are great at family parties. Lots of hands to hold them, even if you just go for a couple of hours everyone will be thrilled to see you all.

DuelingFanjo · 25/09/2013 13:48

YANBU at all. Stay at home with your baby and let your husband go alone.

HatieKokpins · 25/09/2013 13:49

Or, hire a car for the day, it'll be cheaper than train tickets anyway. Provided one of you can drive, of course.

DontmindifIdo · 25/09/2013 13:53

Well if you aren't comfortable having ds at the party, could you hire a babysitter at your parents house? Means a lot less time leaving him...

MinesAPintOfTea · 25/09/2013 13:57

I would have taken DS at that age. He didn't go to bed early evening and the family loved to see him at parties. Certainly don't go if it means leaving him with a babysitter though.

FusilliJerry · 25/09/2013 13:59

Go for the weekend. Take a sling with you if he sleeps well in it and see how he goes. One of you can go back to your parents early if needed. It will be fine on the train - We had to travel 6/7 hours with dd1 (3 1/2) and dd2 ,6 months on a train once. We took turns using the sling, and used a wheeled suitcase and a backpack for stuff we needed. Have fun seeing your family!

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