Other mum's seem off- am I being hypersensitive?

[Atreelapse]

My child is two and when my child started nursery a couple of the other mum's were very friendly and we had playdates etc. Once or twice they asked me to go out in the evening- I did go out the group twice, and we all went on a couple for a couple of playdates but for a couple I was busy, that was time ago, and we met up afterwards. I suppose I wasn't the meet up every day type. One time when we all went out one in the evening, they started to talk about another mum who wasn't there- this sometimes makes me feel a bit uncomfortable, and I didn't mean to sound holier than thou, but I said I thought they were being mean- I said it in a jokey way. Any way, I am reflecting on what I may have done wrong and wondering if this may have caused offence.

Recently they haven't been inviting me to things which I don't mind at all, but when I heard one of their children had a birthday party (the child whose birthday party it was is older than my child and they aren't good friends so I understand we wouldn't be invited) but it seems everyone was invited but us, even the children who are the same age as my child. I keep bumping into the mum's at nursery drop off's and they keep suggested meeting up and how they ave been meaning to text or call me but haven't got round to it. It's a bit embarrassing as I'd rather they didn't say it, if they don't mean it. One lady had us over for supper one evening some time ago and I sent a text inviting them back and they didn't reply- I don't think we did anything awful!

I coud be being very oversensitive and they could be busy, and I'm quite independent sometimes, so perhaps I have appeared "off", but they haven't said that I have done anything to offend them, but their behaviour suggests that I have, and I feel really hurt. We live in a very nice area, we are all in similar circumstances - the only difference being is I went back to work for a bit. I know it's silly, and these things really don't matter, but as I said, I feel hurt and feel that to fit in with other mum's I have be something I'm not- does anyone else feel like that? Any thoughts?

I do appreciate any feedback, perhaps I have appeared rude somehow, as a non bias group, what do you think?

Hi Pianodoodle, no of course, I just thought they may think logically, but I guess you're right, I just thought they don't appear foolish...

Bambooambino, Obviously you are only hearing my side of the story and maybe I'm being incredibly oversensitive. Maybe they would say awful things about me, but I wish they would have spoken to me. Maybe I appear very aloof. Oh well, the LO is off to nursery again in a minute... so better dash

your child is only 2, and in time they will make their own friends at prep school and nursery

alot of us make "new" mummy friends, then slowly realise they are a bunch of bitches, alot of t shirts out there!

if they are the type to bitch about another mum, do you really want to me mates with them??

I think you have given them way too much power to hurt your feelings, does that make sense? seriously try hard to focus on other things, develop some new activities and I promise you in time you wont give a shit

so, smile. be civil and nice. But...ZERO expectations. these people are not your friends, you just happen to have children the same age

I bet if you play it cool, and be civil they will probably crawk back anyway

I have been there too OP!

xxxx

I think you ave sussed these people out very quickly and that is a good thing,
just because they are well educated and have nice lives does not make them very nice women, think back to the popular girls at school and how nasty they could be about people not like them, this is what this group of women are likeyou get them everywhere in life,

they are so wrapped up in their image and how they are perceived that they can be mean judgemental and just not very nice people, if they are talking about you then you know it doesn't matter I have no little children anymore but I used to avoid these types of parents like the plague ,

I just wanted to add, I have taught in a small private school where I have witnessed this exact kind of behaviour/ ostracising of a certain mother. The head and I had to have 2 mothers in and witnessed a ridiculous slanging match- mostly the bully mother towards the other mother. I honestly couldn't tell you what it was all about even after being there and listening to this. It seemed to be about one not going to parties or play dates but god knows why this bothered the others so much.

The one who was ostracised was far nicer than the others and all I can conclude is that some people are incredibly petty with very empty lives.

I honestly think some mothers get far to embroiled in their childrens lives like a PP said about arguing about parties and other rubbish it sounds exhausting

Why don't you concentrate on your own friends?

If your kids are happy with their pals, sometimes you have to draw the line with the parents.

It's your kids' relationships that matter, if you get on with the parents, that's well and good, but you can texpect to be chummy with the parents, just because your kid likes their kid.

Make your own friends.

I agree with you venus just let the kids me friends and this little one is only 2 years old you have years of this and tbh 2 yr old don't really honestly make close friendships

The problem is I don't know many people here, we only moved here quite recently. You're completely right, they don't matter and I shouldn't matter to them, as I said I just feel a bit hurt, I don't know why.

you are hurt because you thought you were settling in making nice friends and it turns out there not so nice I think it happens to us all, the hurt is maybe you feel a bit taken in by them , you will make new friends just smile and say hello to people and by the time your toddler goes to school there will be new parents to get to know

i'm on my third set of "got the t-shirt" episodes and that equates to three dcs all going through the various toddler/preschool/infant/junior school stages. sigh. hence the name above.
however I am not miserable or unfriendly or abnormal. I just don't seem to fit the school gate mould and presumably at some point in the future I won't have to put up with all the "stuff" that goes along with it.
do you think if we all got together us "misfits" would get along?

I can't think of anything worse than trying to hang out with the mums at school. I would hate to fit in to their little cliques. From school trips I noticed that those mums tend to have a "bitchy cheerleader teen" mentality and haven't got anything nice to say. I'm in my late thirties and sifted out the shit friends in my mid twenties.

You sound really nice. I wouldn't sweat it. It's really just not worth it.

You're feeling hurt because these bitchy two-faced mums are not accepting you into the witches lair because you have a mind of your own and aren't willing to go along with their bitchy pack mentality?

Consider yourself lucky mate!!

The one who was ostracised was far nicer than the others

That is so often the case! Some unpleasant "queen bee" types seem threatened by people who are nice, kind, independent-minded and uninterested in gossip. They can't cope with people who aren't prepared to hang on their every word and exclude others.

Maybe make friends with some of the other "outcasts"?