....to expect more consideration re building work?

[Brillig]

Really not sure if I'm BU but I suspect not. The house next door to my elderly grandmother (who lives alone & is not in brilliant health) is being gutted. The owners have been round to see her and seem very pleasant (I haven't met them yet as I visit regularly, but have never coincided with them being there), and asked if they could have access up her driveway - the only other way to get to the back of their property would be through the house.

She is very much a pushover, said yes without consulting any of the family, & so they've been working on & off for a while, occasionally coming up the drive with a mini-digger which requires taking out a fence-panel to get through.

Well, today I'm visiting and there's clearly major stuff going on. The digger has been trundling up & down past my car and we had to go out. Got back to find our drive blocked by a cement lorry & the whole driveway and back yard taken over by the works. We had no notice of this. No idea how long it will take. It's incredibly noisy, beeping machinery, hammering, etc.

I made them move the cement lorry so I could get in and have got the phone no of the owners (dgm didn't even have any contact details for them).

Now it's fine to be a good neighbour and all that but, tbh, I think they really should be more aware of what's happening here. Dgm is doing them a massive favour in allowing access and they'd have major problems had she refused - which she would have been quite within her rights to do.

Sorry this is so long but.....any wise advice?

What does your grandmother want to happen?

How long is this going to go on? I think I'd speak to the neighbour and find out the details and expect how much aggro this is causing your DGM. Explain that she didn't realise how disruptive access would be and also ask how they are going to put her garden back into a clean tidy state at the end.

She's a people-pleaser and worrier, always far too willing to go along with whatever other people want to do - they've already caused some damage and churned up her yard and driveway but she wouldn't say anything to them about it because it would seem 'rude'.

The point I think is that she's happy to be helpful and that's her decision, but we (the family) need to be firm about just how much licence that involves, I think.

I think you need to speak to the owners. Your nan is being taken advantage of - access doesn't mean putting up with damage to her property and having fence panels removed.

It does beg the question of what exactly these people would have done, had your nan had said no. Given that they seem to need heavy machinery etc.

A chat with the owners may help to check what their timescales are and how any works, access etc may impact on your grandmother? Also confirmation that they'll be putting any damage right - should be a given but it'd be good to broach sooner rather than later.

From the owners point of view they and their builders seem to have been fairly considerate consulting your grandmother so may think they've ticked all their boxes?

I phrased that last bit wrong - the owners and builders may think they are being considerate as they have approached your grandmother.

Well, up to a point Suzy - but they need her permission to use her land for access, otherwise they'd be trespassing....

They should be paying for access, and putting everything back to the state it was in per works.

Being massively taken advantage off otherwise! One off access is fine, disruptive access for major building works = cash or fuck off.

Oh, and the builders certainly didn't approach her today - they just came through and started work. Apparently she told them previously that they could do this, but without expecting this level of activity (that's what I mean about her being too much of a pushover).

The owners promised a few weeks ago to sort out the damage but it hasn't been done yet.

Take photos as evidence, just in case you get any problems with them later on.

Is she happy? The person who seems irritated is you.

Personally, that sort of thing I'd put up with because you never know when you want a good relationship, and it's going to have to happen (if they've gutted the house, they're not going to stop and say "hey, it annoys ndn so we'll cope with living like this") so you might as well make it easy-because they'll almost certainly be quicker if it's easy.

My gran would have loved that in her old age. Lots of activity to watch. She had a field day when they discovered a huge gas leak, demolished a couple of garages, and dug up nost of the road and her garden. Kept her entertained for weeks, and was very good for her mental health too (she had dementia, and the activity definitely staved it off a bit)
In fact df was wondering if he could cause something else to cause the road to be dug up again after it had finished.

Think I'd be putting something in writing to them and looking for a written response from them confirming the are going to put right all the damage.

I would get commitment and a start to sort out any damage now. In reality, once they are finished and moved off site they could leave your grans drive and yard in a real state and she would have the horrendous job of finding and chasing them to get the work done - never an easy task especially if there is no money involved and the builders have gone onto another job.

If they have to make good as they go along, or else she refuses further access, then at least it will never get too bad.

You probably need to remind the owners that as the work is obviously too intrusive, noisy and messy for them to be living on-site, some consideration needs to be made for the old lady who is. YANBU to want this.

Yes, I am annoyed - I think they need to keep her more informed as a common courtesy. Just because she lives alone and is elderly doesn't mean they don't have to consult her. Again, the work has to happen, but I don't think they can presume on her going along with them invading her space - she has admitted to me that she really didn't expect what's been happening today.

Actually they've never explained to her exactly what was going to happen, and the fact that there were going to be works that would have been massively difficult and expensive without getting through via her garden. It's all been a bit too casual in my view.

Got back to find our drive blocked by a cement lorry & the whole driveway and back yard taken over by the works.

That goes beyond asking for access IMO. Why have they used the drive & yard as well? I think she deserves an explanation. You not having access in & out of the drive is also not on. You GM agreed they could have access over her property, she did not sign it over to them for their exclusive use. She has clearly agreed to this to be a good neighbour, but being a good neighbour works both ways.

YANBU. I would be concerned that if the neighbours get away with this it will set a precedent and they will walk all over your grandmother when they move in. It is no harm to make them aware that she has family prepared to intervene if this happens and that you will be keeping an eye on things.

We've got work going on at the moment & unfortunately sometimes when the lorry is dropping stuff off it blocks next doors drive.

It's unfortunate, but only for 10-20 minutes. These things happen when you're having major work done. On the plus side, if they have the access, it'll all get done quicker, if they have to go through the house etc. it could double the time it takes.

The building work is temporary, the relationship with the neighbours may not be!!

You still haven't said whether your GM minds though.It is all about what you think.

She's told me she's uneasy about the amount of activity today, and certainly didn't expect it to be so full-on. But the point surely is that she's 91, frail, and I think it's not unreasonable for us to make sure she isn't taken advantage of. She believes what people tell her and is very trusting.

It's in everyone's best interest to facilitate works in the neighborhood & to get it over as quickly as possible.

When you say the driveway and back garden have been overtaken, what do you mean?

I think she's being taken advantage of, well and truly. If she'd been younger, visibly more threatening/powerful, there's no way on earth there would have been this carry on.

I would note any damage that has occurred so far, write to the owners and tell them they're no longer able to use her property to access theirs (surely they'd have found another way before buying?!) and be very firm that your DGM requires her property to be returned to its original state and compensation for the disruption to date.

There is nothing worse than people who take advantage of the elderly. Harassing a 91yo woman in her own home - disgusting.

By taking over I mean that the digger was going up and down the drive approx every 5 minutes, swinging round and going over the boundary into next door - for about 3-4 hours. Nobody wanting to drive into the yard would have been able to.....but they wouldn't have been able to get into the drive anyway because another lorry was parked across the entrance. Oh and there were various workmen tramping up and down. It's been a lovely day but we had to keep the doors closed to shut out the noise.
To repeat: helping the new neighbours out in a friendly way is fine. But not to this extent, I think.