I don't think IBU but Why am I giving myself such a hard time over this!?

[YellowCanary1]

THIS IS NOT A BF vs FF DEBATE by the way. I feel each to their own and yes we are always told bf is best but in my mind good parenting is about far, far more than whether you bf or ff.

Anyway onto my silliness! I have a very hungry, ebf 16 week old baby. He feeds every hour and half at best, normally just an hour, and currently weighs in over 20lbs. Because I feed so constantly I find expressing really difficult, and never get enough off for more than half a feed at best. I also have a toddler so it is impossible to find the time anyway! Three times a week I like to go for a run. At the moment this is my only 'me' time. I like to go out for an hour or so, and always feed DS just before leaving. There have been a few occasions that DS has wanted another feed before I've got back and so I now leave DH with an emergency bottle of formula. I've now been made to feel really guilty about this by another member of our family, in that I'm putting my needs (ie going running and having some me time and leaving him a bottle) ahead of DS's needs. Its just really upset me, I think, hope and feel I am a good mum to both my son's. I love them both to pieces but don't think it is unreasonable that I have a few hours to myself in a week and don't think substituting with formula at this time is that awful! DS2 is a very clingy baby so he spends most of his time in my arms, on my lap, etc, and we co-sleep. On top of this ds2 has suffered with reflux, which though improving now is still there. this is really hard work at times and I enjoy getting out to clear my head and recharge.

Just been made to feel I am selfish and ungrateful for my children for having a bit of time out. And this person has an issue with me giving formula whilst out. Sorry for rant, just feeling a bit down about it and not sure if I am BU or being silly!

I am normally reasonable and polite but I think your best and only fair response would be to tell them to fuck right off

They are so fucking unreasonable it's making my blood boil

I find it pretty astonishing that another family member thinks they have the right to comment on your feeding choices tbh. None of their business if you choose to give DS a bit of formula occasionally, or indeed if you gave him only formula, and what on earth's wrong with giving formula when out particularly?!

Ignore, ignore.

Ignore ignore ignore. I'm very much in the camp of happy mommy = happy baby. Three hours a week is hardly much time at all and I get really irritated by 'concerned' family that believe that you should be a matyr to a baby. Your baby is happy and healthy and spending some quality time with dad.

Or rather than ignore you could do what Fish suggests instead..!

There are 168 hours in a week. You are sensibly carving out three of those for yourself for your mental and physical health. Tell your relative to keep their nose out and opinions to themselves. Sounds like you're doing a great job.

Both of mine were ff from birth and if anyone I knew had commented they would have got a lot of this face

Actually they wouldn't, because I can't do that face. I can only raise both eyebrows, damn. But they would have got that. Plus

It's got nothing to do with anyone else! Take no notice. You are doing a great job and are a good mother.
If they say it again just say "do you often take such a close interest in other people's children?" and raise an eyebrow or just smile sweetly and say nothing but think "oh do fuck off you interfering fuckwitted harpy" and let it show in your eyes while your mouth is smiling.

Yanbu in any way. The feeding guilt tripping is absurd and now on my second dc I feel quite detached from it. My work colleagues tried to make me feel guilty for still bf dd2 at 10 months and juggling a 3 year old and being back at work. This is not a stealth boast it's just an example of however you feed your baby someone will take issue with it. Because they are dicks.

Meanwhile dd2 was that weight at that age and a total boob monster. It's hard going - maimtaim the runs you are quite right you need that recharge!

'This person' should mind their own bloody business and butt out. How dare they! You need that time and so do your children. You can't cope with children 24/7 without a break. Tell them to bog off. Politely. Well. As politely as you can manage.

You are doing what is best for your child and for yourself ebryone else can sod off.

Firstly yanbu.

However if you were interested in expressing to leave a bottle behind I would recommend;

Expressing at the same time everyday, in the morning was best for me we also co slept and I just didn't swap boobs for a while when I first woke up, grabbed the pump from the bedside table and expressed the side I hadn't fed with while feeding (yes this is as fiddly as it sounds but gets easier)

Don't bother trying to express after having fed I never got a drop from doing this

Don't be disheartened if like me for the first 2 weeks every time you express you get 5 fucking ml eventually you start getting an actual bottlefull.

This is not pressure to express I hated every min of expressing but for various reasons had to struggle through with it.

Formula milk is not poison and your relative is an interfering busybody.

You could try saying something like "we thought formula milk was probably better than irn bru"

YANBU to me. We did mixed feeding from the word go, largely because ours had trouble getting any milk initially and the hospital gave her a bottle of formula. She eventually did bf but we stuck with giving her last feed of the day as FF so that I could get some sleep. Does that make me selfish? Maybe. But it's about coping as well. I was quite ill after the birth and then suffered with depression. I think there was some value added to my baby's life by me having some sleep. DH also found it really bonding to have those few hours with her by himself, when most of the day she was attached to me. Do what's best for you and your family.

This person needs a good kicking IMO..
Sod 'em, you need some time to just be YOU. Running is your way to do it. You're happy, presumably baby is happy, nobody else matters.
YANBU at all.

Stop sharing info with that judgemental twat - they see it as ammunition

I used one bottle of formula a day from a few weeks in for one of mine for her feed before bed- around 7pm I was exhausted and had little milk, she would then wake up crying an hour later for some more food and so on. I started giving her a bottle of formula at 7pm, she would then sleep very well til the next bf in the night.

Mixed feeding didn't confuse her (probably as too late in) and I didn't feel remotely bad prioritizing having a couple of hours to sit down by having a sleeping baby. It was still exhausting- up early, up in the night bf, that one feed a day made a huge difference to me and her. I think you are extremely sensible to prioritize your own health and wellbeing, especially with a reflux baby.

Meanwhile for expressing purposes the Phillips avent pump is bloody amazing :-)

Fucking hell. Sorry for the language. I'd have told her where to stick her opinions in a terribly polite way obviously.
This complete sacrificing of your own needs to EBF come hell or high water can be a route to misery, resentment and even depression.
YANBU.

You are being totally and utterly reasonable and whoever is making you feel like this is a twat.

Baby happy, mummy happy, daddy happy, what else needs to happen.?
YADNBU

Ffs. Tell them to fuck off. Anyway you exercising regularly is setting a great example and putting my lazy ass to shame

What an arse, next time please airily reply:

"Oh a I think a healthy mummy is more important that a drop of formula every now and then"

"perhaps you should consider joining me sometime"

long meaningful pause......

^^
What fish said.

A happy, healthy, fit mum is better for both baby and the relationship between man and wife in the long term. YADNBU.