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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with being laughed at and taken for granted

13 replies

Rachel778 · 23/09/2013 18:35

My two youngest children , 13 and 10 , are driving me to distraction lately , I don't want to rant but sometimes I feel like walking away, even for few hours or so ,
I tell them off they either laugh, ignore me completely or behave for all of 4 minutes then start off again ! Feeling very under valued right now . .Then there are the bedrooms . .I tidy them, then they mess it up again I feel like telling them if they want to live in a cesspit then go ahead . Perhaps I should just go see a Doctor or something , I just wanted to get off my chest .

OP posts:
TigOldBitties · 23/09/2013 18:43

I think at 10 and 13 they should be taking more responsibility for themselves and you should be taking a harder line with them.

My DC wouldn't have been allowed to treat me so disrespectfully more than once.

And you should be having time away from them. Are you not getting nights out and free time?

allforoneandoneforall · 23/09/2013 18:47

Sounds like you just need a good cup of tea, put your feet up and a hug! DONT clean their rooms if you can bare not to, they are old enough to either clean it themselves or live is a shithole if they so chose to. As long as their mess does not infect any other part of the house! They might not SHOW their appreciation, but it's there, somewhere, hidden from you ;)

mrspremise · 23/09/2013 18:49

Stop tidying their rooms for them for a start! If they don't appreciate it, they don't deserve it... Use the time you save for yourself - have a long hot bath (door locked, music on) or stick headphones in and read a book Smile

Mabelface · 23/09/2013 18:49

Don't clean their rooms, that's their responsibility. You do need to toughen up with them though - laughing at you is very disrespectful. Perhaps they'd think again if they started losing their treasured possessions. If you think you need to speak to the doctor, might be an idea.

Original poster
Rachel778 · 23/09/2013 18:53

I rarely go out .. I meet my daughter once a week in town which is nice .. I can't remember last time I went out of an evening somewhere.

They are both in their room over another incident t moment with no ds , game console or laptop . I don[t want to see them . . Dinner been eaten so they won't starve . Yes, it won[t hurt to see a Doctor as well . . I will have a cuppa I think and watch the Soaps .. makes my life seem easier lol . . Ty for advice.

OP posts:
FavoriteThings · 23/09/2013 18:54

Rant away. What are they normally like? Have they changed recently, or have they always been a bit like this?

FavoriteThings · 23/09/2013 18:57

Warning about their rooms. It is likely, if left, that they will turn them into a cesspit, and wont care either. They may care a bit more if they have friends over, but not necessarily.

Original poster
Rachel778 · 23/09/2013 19:24

One has always been difficult ... The other not so much but is lately . could be his age or what he has seen his Brother get up to in the past when he was 10 .

OP posts:
BlueGoddess · 23/09/2013 19:27

How about telling them if their room isn't tidy by say 6pm then the stuff on the floor will go in the bin. You must be prepared to follow through!

My kids know if I make this threat I mean it - it only took me actually doing it once Grin

FavoriteThings · 23/09/2013 19:42

Do you have any other adult support?

Original poster
Rachel778 · 24/09/2013 08:46

Ive done that in past BlueGoddess ..

I have some friends around but one has her own issues and one has five children all at Home and got her handsfull .. My parents and most of my family live down the coast whilst Im in London .
I read them the riot act last night, shocked them into silence .. We shall see if things improve . ..

OP posts:
BlueGoddess · 24/09/2013 10:03

Well done - it takes guts to stand up for yourself, particularly when it's someone you live with. Now, just remember to carry out every single threat you make - if you don't they will revert Smile

Beastofburden · 24/09/2013 10:13

You sound low, rachel. Time for you to do a hobby and meet some new friends, I think Brew

Time to plan for the next five years- they will be 18 and 15 then. You can either have five years of fighting, or you can have five years of a gradual handover of responsibility so they emerge as young adults.

So, following up on your riot act (good stuff, well done) is a discussion about how they see the teen years and what kind of wider responsibility and freedom they think they want. And you make the point that all parents actually want to hand over the reins as soon as they can- the only thing stopping you will be their ability to prove to you that they are ready for it.

Pick one area for the older DC where he would like more responsibility and say you will allow this, BUT the attitude has to stop.

you have older kids? how is their adolescence going? Can you hold them up as examples of independence that will be on offer in due course?

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