Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

a bit embarrassed about how I'm feeling

5 replies

4posterbed · 23/09/2013 11:30

Friend who rented near me when she left her dh and 3dc ( I did the school run for her everyday as she was at work) has now bought a house close to where her dh and dc live. Her dc did not want to live with her and privately her 10 yo ds told my dd that she was only a nice mum when it suited her and was never there for them.

Friend now has lot everything, her beautiful house, horses, dogs,through her divorce, also respect of her children which she is slowly winning back (I told her if she wanted to build bridges it would be a good idea for her to at least live in the same town as them!)

I spent hours with her over the year, and have always been there for her. But now she has moved away I realise actually it took a huge emotional toll on me and I am now avoiding her, she has wanted to come over and I genuinely have been otherwise engaged, but I have not suggested alternative times.

Everyone including her mother, my dh, a mutual friend who was also her boss told me she is utterly selfish, but I have alway cared for her and wanted to see the good side to her.

But now I know she regrets her decision to leave and not go to counselling with her dh as I tried to persuade her to. Her ds had to be pulled out of an excellent primary to go to one under special measures in the next town because that was the only one with any spaces left.

I don't feel I can do anymore to help her but am feeling guilty mainly because I really cared for her ds after 7 years of looking after him. She has moved to a rough area because her dh did not care which primary he went to and they wanted him to be able to walk to school. Her others to independent school (they were wealthy but lawyer taken a huge chunk so not enough left over for this ds).

Schools under special measures with the worst GCSEs in the county can be a good place to send your child as a lot of extra resources are going into it, is that true? Should I stop feeling bad and return her call for support as I have always done?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 23/09/2013 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4posterbed · 23/09/2013 11:44

No, am going through a lot at the moment and I would not want to burden her.

OP posts:
springybuffy · 23/09/2013 13:42

woh, hang on. YOu're going through a lot and don't want to 'burden her'?? But she has been 'burdening' you. Or, perhaps you could look at it that friendships are mutually supportive.

You're sounding a bit like a martyr tbh. re all or nothing. Have you done this before? ie given your all then pulled out totally. She may be selfish but it is bewildering to be dumped in a flash by someone who gives their guts on the one hand, then vanishes. It's a headfuck to be on the end of, actually. More to do with you than her tbh.

re the 7yo - do you still get to see him? If he's been through such huge changes then he'll need the constancy of your relationship now more than ever if you were closely involved with him previously.

4posterbed · 23/09/2013 15:34

No I haven't seen him at all. You're right I will text her and see how she is.

OP posts:
springybuffy · 23/09/2013 19:03

And tell her how you are! ie tell the truth. Give her the chance to support you too. xx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page