To confront Son over missing £5

[Rachel778]

I have put this on Teenagers as well .. I had £15 in my purse last night , a £10 and £5 note . Today I went to my purse to find the fiver missing .. I have a 13 year old DS and he has "form" for this .. . he once stole £20 off me and for some time after I would have my bag, with purse inside, near me at all times . .

Im very upset at this as he knows money is tight right now but if I accuse him outright he will react in anger or/and say Im wicked to accuse him .. Would I be unreasonable to ask if he has it ? I have a younger DS here but he has never , ever ever stolen from me .

No you wouldn't be unreasonable to ask him about it. I would also explain what the money is going to be used for and now you can't get x because it's gone. Hopefully then it will reappear. I wouldn't accuse though.
Has Dh taken it? Or have you spent it but forgot like I did the other week when I swore I had twenty quid in my purse, thought I'd lost it but realised I'd spent it.

What were you going to spend the £5 on? I don't think you can directly accuse him and not his brother, so maybe get them both together and say that you were hoping to buy X and Y food this week, but can only buy X because £5 has been taken from your purse while it was in the hall / on the kitchen table.

If the money comes back, you'll be able to buy Y, but if it doesn't, that's all we have for the week, because that's how far your money will stretch.

not accusing per se, but honestly saying to both of them that money has disappeared and this is the impact.

It was going toward my Rent which I pay tomorrow .

If you ask your son I am sure he will deny having taken it even if he did.

You could tell him that the £5 is missing and how worried you are because you are short of money. Let him know how upset you are and how much that £5 means.
As Greggsonlegs says - I wouldn't accuse because there could be another reason for it being missing.

Yes , Ill speak to them both but it defintely was there last night . . No DH or DP , just me and my children here .

I'd call a family conference. Explain the facts: There was £15 in my purse last night. Now there is only £10. I have not taken it. We have not been burgled. Therefore, one of you has taken it. Unfortunately, I now do not have enough money to pay the rent. Which makes this a family problem. What are we going to do about that?"

Just starting off like that will probably allow you to see which one is guilty because it will be written all over his face, plus it makes your problem their problem.

You could go on to explain that if there is a good reason why that money was taken (e.g. bullying), then you will be understanding about that and try to help, but that stealing is still wrong and there will be consequences regardless. However, an admission of guilt, an explanation and a return of the missing £5 will make those consequences less severe.

This does rather rely on your having an aura or authority and the nerve to outlast them if you sit there in stony silence for a while, however.

Hope you get to the bottom of it and it works out.

Thats a great idea Dahlen . . Ty . . I will let you know how I get on . Bullying did cross my mind but more often than not it is He who can be bullyish , though usually only to my other DS.

Both denied it . . .

I said well somebody has had it and only 3 of us were indoors last night and this morning . He suggested it was a Poltergeist !

Can you talk to them individually and see if they open up?

I'd be telling the boys that until it turns up, there'll be no treats, no internet and no mobile phones. You may find it somewhere random later on this evening.

I tried that SoldAtAuction .. They both blamed the other so at least I know or Im assuming one had it .

They are both in their rooms Madlizzy , with no ds or game console or lappie . Told them I really did not wish to see them anymore tonight , They have had dinner so need for me to see them . .

Perhaps have an early night, like before they will be asleep early.

Look in on them separately and say that you will not be leaving your room again til morning, and that you can only hope that the £5 is waiting for you on the coffee table/by the kettle/whenever when you wake up.

Might be worth a try?....

Ah yes, I've answered you on another post too.