To be slightly concerned

[Soontobemama]

My ILs have just taken on a new rescue dog. It's an Alsatian. They already have one who is on its last legs. They live in a very small house and tbh that breed of dog is too big for the space they have but its their house and their decision.

My worry is that we have a new baby that we will be taking to stay with the in laws at Christmas. I'm a bit concerned that there will be this new dog there. I don't know how much the IL's know about its history but I doubt that it would have occurred to them to ask the rescue centre about the dogs suitability with babies and small children. This is really concerning me but DH thinks I'm over thinking it.

It's not the fact that its an Alsatian specifically as I wouldn't totally trust any dog with children, but the fact that its a bit if an unknown entity, will still be fairly new to the environment and there is nowhere it can be shut away.

So please tell me honestly am I bring an over anxious first time mother to be feeling nervous about our planned visit?

YANBU but you will need to be clear about it...how sensible are they? My FIL has a nippy doberman who he thinks is his child...we have had to tell him firmly that the dog either goes outside or we don't visit. He took it on board.

Agree with jitney.

YANBU and the only reasonable course of action is to tell them (gently between now and xmas) that the dog will have to be shut away while baby is around if they want you to visit.

No if's or but's.

There isn't an outside so that's not an option. Just a small open plan downstairs so nowhere to shut the dog away.

I think you're right to have concerns and certainly best to make sure that they're never left unattended. You might of course find that the dog loves the baby. I know of someone who as a baby used to be guarded by their parent's dogs. She could be left outside shops in her pushchair with these dogs stood either side - no way in hell was a stranger going to get anywhere the child as the dogs would have fought to the death to protect her. Even dogs with a reputation as 'aggressive' breeds can build wonderful relationships with children - the key is constant supervision.

I'm surprised that the rescue organisation allowed a dog to go to a house that is too small.

The thing that would concern me is if one of the dogs is old and ill it may become snappy through being in pain at some point. Do you have any option of not going to the ILs this Christmas?

I would refuse to go unless the dog and baby had somewhere to go separately (e.g. you say it's open plan but could a part be sectioned off with a room divider or similar?). And I wouldn't care who thought I was being precious. A loving dog with a known history is one thing (and my son has and will be introduced to such dogs) - a new rescue dog, in an environment too small for it, with no known history is an entirely different matter.

I don't know whether they had a home check but they already have an Alsatian so that may have worked in their favour. I don't know what is "officially" considered enough space but if I lived in a house that small I'd not get a big dog. But it's not really my business and they take good care of the current dog.

We rarely visit as they live far away so the new dog won't know us and won't really get the chance to build any relationship. The current dog may not be around by the time of our visit as sadly it is likely to have been put down.

I don't think you need to be bolshy about it but you are very entitled to ask about the dogs suitability with children. If they don't know, or it hasn't been assessed, or it definitely is not suitable for a home with children, then I would ask for your DHs support in ensuring the dog is nowhere near your DC.

It's unhelpful for your DH to not recognise that this is an important issue and you are right to be concerned. I wouldn't go in there straight off asking for it to be shut away, but I'd be assertive.

Hope they aren't the sort to take umbrage at the idea of a dog being a danger

With a new baby, you will be constantly supervising him/her

If your ILs are responsible people who know how to handle dogs and are aware of the dangers and they can assure you they can shut the dog away from the baby - Then it should be ok. If they are not - then yes, I would be concerned too and probably would not go.

If course you wouldn't be leaving a new baby unattended so you should be able to make sure that the dog kept away yourself?

As I've said before there is nowhere for the dog to be shut away. Partitioning the room wouldn't work. My baby will still be young so won't be crawling or anything. I will be around most of the time but will have to leave the baby with others when I take a shower etc. Its not that I don't trust the ILs but they may not be as vigilant as I will be. People never think that their own dog will be one that would turn do they?

I'm going to have to find a way to broach the subject with DH again now that you've all reassured me that I've got a very good reason to be concerned.

YANBU, DB was attacked as a baby by the grandparent's dog, I believe my parents we're told that it is common (i.e makes up a significant percentage of the total cases of dogs attacking babies) for the dog to be that of the grandparents as it gets jealous of the new creature which has been introduced to the house that is now grabbing all the attention.

Can it be muzzled whilst you visit?