Just Had Weird Conversation Relating to Taking Husband's Surname

[LessMissAbs]

On the phone, with a customer service rep for the property I've bought with my husband, whose surname I do not share. "Are you a tenant?" Me: "No". Her: "Are you related to Mr.Less" then?" Me: "He is my husband". Her: "So you are his partner then?" Me: "No, he is my husband. We are married. To each other. He doesn't have a partner". Her: "A husband is a partner. So you aren't a tenant?" Me: "No. Err, could we just deal with the issue please?".

A I being U to find this bizarre?

Um, I think husband is a sub-set of partner, so I don't see anything odd there, except that if you bought it together she should have both names already.

She sounds like a fool.

You were both being a bit wilfully thick, I think. A husband is a special kind of partner.

V odd. Never heard of anyone who doesn't understand the word 'husband' before.

It sounds to me like you both took a stand on the issue, but she should have been more respectful to your chosen use of language and not argued with you about it, what's it got to do with her?

A husband is a partner surely? Just as boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé etc are also partners.

No, you are not being at all unreasonable. The rep asked you if you were related to your DH. You quite correctly answered that you were, by marriage. The only thing that would have a similar status, n the eyes of the law, would be a civil partnership, not currently an option for heterosexual couples.

The rep is probably just a bit thick

She could have been related by family. The rep didn't know the OP was the wife that's why she asked.

TheSmallClanger A husband is a special kind of partner

I don't agree. Those related by marriage have far more protection in terms of joint property than those who are not. And as far as I'm concerned, if I tell someone I have a husband and they then insist they have a partner, they mean someone else. Because I don't have a partner, I have a husband.

It was the amount of questioning as if she didn't believe me, along with the argumentative tone of voice.

t was the amount of questioning as if she didn't believe me, along with the argumentative tone of voice.

Ugh. Thick AND intransigent. What a combo. Sadly, OP, the world is full of people like this, so dwelling on any interactions you have with them will only make you depressed.

Make yourself a nice and think no more about it

As I said, you were both being pompous and arsey about it.

sounds to me as if she was trying to fill in a form and couldn't work out which box to tick because your names weren't the same.

YANBU I think it is a generational thing. When I got married back in the last century 'partner' indicated someone who you weren't married to, and also weren't engaged to, as the term fiance was used a lot more. I would never refer to my husband as a partner and if people ask me if I have one I still reply that I have a husband.

TheSmallClanger I agree that "husband" is a subset of "partner". But partner, in the context of relationships, can refer to three different situations: unmarried partner, same-sex civil partner, spouse.

There is a distinct legal difference between unmarried partner and spouse, particularly when it comes to property (e.g. spouses have a legal right to occupy the marital home, partners do not).

So the OP's martial status could be relevant to the conversation she was having with the property company. I don't see why her making this clear to them would count as being arsey though.

Yanbu, your husband is related to you by marriage. Your partner isn't necessarily related to you. I don't personally like the term partner because it makes me think of business partners.

She was being arsey. It sounds like she was being deliberately awkward.