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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I should tell this child's mother

104 replies

Thepowerof3 · 22/09/2013 13:00

At my DDs swimming school class last week one of the children spent the majority of the 30 minute session in tears. Towards the end one of the teachers seem to be getting quite frustrated and said 'If you don't stop crying I'll take you down the deep end' her mother didn't hear this as she was down the other end, I don't know her but should I tell her? I don't think using the deep end as a threat is helpful especially to a child who seems petrified anyway

OP posts:
IShouldNotBeHere · 22/09/2013 13:49

Of course you should tell her! Im Shock at those thinking you shouldn't!

I would want to know if someone my child was supposed to have trust in (and is being paid) had scared her like that. Sounds like the teacher shouldn't be doing that job, or if a youngun needs training on what's appropriate to avoid giving a child a life long fear.

I would tell someone in charge as well. Its unprofessional and counterproductive.

CoffeeTea103 · 22/09/2013 13:49

Mind your own business! Her mother should be watching her but it's not your business to be a reporter. If you feel this swimming instructor was so wrong is your dd still going to these swimming lessons?

piratecat · 22/09/2013 13:52

i'd say something to her and to whoever is in charge, that's a shitty thing to say to a scared child of that age.

Twattybollocks · 22/09/2013 13:52

Absolutely tell the mother. A comment to 8/9yo swimmers "if you two don't shut up talking ill chuck you in the deep end"
is one thing, a comment like that to a 4-5yo non swimmer is bullying and threatening behaviour

Original poster
Thepowerof3 · 22/09/2013 13:55

It was only my 2s second lesson with that swim school coffee and she's not the only instructor.

OP posts:
IShouldNotBeHere · 22/09/2013 14:01

Coffeetea103

So by your reasoning unless a parent is watching their child 24/7 they have no right to know what's happened to them at other times. Its tough you weren't looking? How weird.

IShouldNotBeHere · 22/09/2013 14:03

I took my child to a class the other day and as i looked away to talk to another parent my child did something amazing! Everyone who had seen it told me about it and one even did an impression which was funny, a bit weird, but lovely of her. Perhaps they shouldn't have bothered because after all it was my own fault for missing it by having my eyes focused elsewhere for a moment?

CoffeeTea103 · 22/09/2013 14:10

IShouldNot

Were not talking about a minute or two. The op said that the child was crying for the majority of 30 minute lesson. So the mum does not glance over once and notice her child crying that much

Original poster
Thepowerof3 · 22/09/2013 14:10

You can't win, on one hand I shouldn't have been watching as O should have something 'better to do' like read etc but if I missed something it'd be my fault

OP posts:
Original poster
Thepowerof3 · 22/09/2013 14:12

I wouldn't judge the mum too harshly, as I said I don't know her maybe the swimming school told her to keep her distance for the lesson to see if things improved

OP posts:
IShouldNotBeHere · 22/09/2013 14:46

Coffeetea. The school may well have said to leave it to them. Intervening parents every time a child cries probably wouldn't be helpful.

That's part of being a mum though isn't it, criticised for leaving the professionals to do their job, and would have been criticised if she had intervened and probably been called a hover parent. They can't win . . . at least on mumsnet anyway.

differentnameforthis · 22/09/2013 14:50

Her mother should be watching her

Son in the respect, say op was on a school trip with her dd's class. There is a little girl there who is upset, lets call her Jane. Jane is told by the teacher "if you don't stop crying I will throw you into traffic".

Should op alert Jane's mum to this, or should she mind her own business as Jane's mum isn't couldn't be bothered to be there.

An would the situation be different (as the swimming lesson) if the little girls mum had taken a younger sibling to the toilet, or was pre occupied with a baby?

I find it incredible that on the same thread the op has been told to occupy herself (and not watch her daughter) and the mother has been criticized for doing just that!

differentnameforthis · 22/09/2013 14:51

And would the situation be different ( at the swimming lesson)

bad typing. late here.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 22/09/2013 14:54

Yes, tell the Mother. At aged 4 I took my daughter to lessons at the local pool. The teacher was a very strict German woman who insisted my daughter "swim" to the deep end and forced her to do this. She went under and was utterly petrified. I witnessed this and immediately pulled her from the class and got another teacher.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 22/09/2013 14:55

Why is it that some swimming teachers seem to be little Hitlers

HeffalumpTheFlump · 22/09/2013 15:05

Amother - I think little hitlers may be a tad strong?!

Op I think I would want to know, but agree you need to phrase it carefully so the mother doesn't think you are criticising her for not watching. I don't think the comment/threat was appropriate for an upset 5 year old, who could very easily take it seriously. Was the swimming teacher definitely frustrated with the child or could she have been making a joke (albeit a bad one)?

If she was definitely frustrated, I would be reconsidering having my own child taught by her to be honest.

IShouldNotBeHere · 22/09/2013 15:46

Helicopter parent! Not hover parent! Grin

TartyMcTart · 22/09/2013 15:54

Definitely do not tell the mother. If this teacher is this way out then the child's mother (and others no doubt) will soon realise and something will be said but by them - the parents who are involved.

And if a child had been crying for the whole 30 minute lesson wouldn't you get frustrated and say something you didn't mean?

IShouldNotBeHere · 22/09/2013 16:09

Tarty. I never understand that mentality. Turn a blind eye, let someone else deal with it, mind your own business etc etc.

Until more serious situations arise when its all, but why did no one do anything, say anything, how terrible, poor child! Bla Bla Bla

Not that Im saying this is going to escalate at all, but its unacceptable non the less.

If a child is being treated badly, its everyone's
responsibility to do something. Or at least the responsibility of whoever knows about it.

How selfish to only speak up if it affects yourself or your own children. Oh well its some ones elses kid so who gives a shit! Confused

IShouldNotBeHere · 22/09/2013 16:12

If this teacher is this way out then the child's mother (and others no doubt) will soon realise and something will be said but by them - the parents who are involved.

Exactly how many children being turned off swimming, scared of water, giving up swimming for life, is ok in your eyes before someone should do something? The whole class perhaps? As long as its not your kid.

And this comes from someone left scared of water but a comment like that. Its not just a comment, its a threat, one the child will likely takes literally.

poachedeggs · 22/09/2013 16:22

It's not hard to say "I'm not sure if you heard, but that teacher just said she'd send your daughter to the deep end if she kept crying. I was a bit shocked and thought you should know."

everlong · 22/09/2013 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Thepowerof3 · 22/09/2013 16:36

I'm going to be a public snitch and tell her

OP posts:
calopene · 22/09/2013 21:34

Wow first worLd problems ........

Original poster
Thepowerof3 · 22/09/2013 21:36

Last time you called them 'white girl problems' Calopene, at least you've modified your comments a little since then.

OP posts:
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