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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another in-law related thread...

17 replies

hardas · 22/09/2013 12:06

Have name changed as pretty sure SIL comes on here and I'd rather she didn't know I'm fed up about this.

DH works shifts - days and nights. MIL booked a family photo session a while back and wanted us and BIL and family to go - fair enough, but she left it right up until the voucher ran out to book it and DH was working the weekend she had arranged. I told her to just go ahead with her, FIL and BIL and family but was secretly a bit miffed about the whole thing.

Fast forward 6 weeks and the pictures are now ready - she called in the week to see if we could meet at their house for dinner as BIL was coming down to view and collect the pictures. I told her DH was working and we couldn't make it which she was disappointed about but she didn't ask the DCs and I anyway, despite us living 20 minutes from there and not having anything else to do.

And then to top it all, MIL has posted the pictures on FB stating that they are of the 'family photoshoot' and now I feel like a total pariah because they don't include her own son and his family (us)!

I am quite hurt - but am I within my rights to be or am I being over-sensitive?

OP posts:
Original poster
hardas · 22/09/2013 12:08

Should also add that DH gave her access to his online calendar in the summer so she could see when he was working but she's not bothered with it.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/09/2013 12:09

Well your dh didn't go, so I'm not sure what it is you want? A time machine?

Editededition · 22/09/2013 12:10

You can't have it both ways. OP.

If you really wanted to be a part of the photo then you should have told her that you did, and pushed for the appointment date to be changed, telling her that your DH would feel very left out if not included.
As it was - you told her to go ahead without you.

You can't now complain that she shouldn't be very pleased and happy with the pix, and show them to people. You told her it was OK.

pictish · 22/09/2013 12:12

I'm pretty rubbish with voucher deadlines - she'll have thought she had plenty of time and would get around to the shoot, then suddenly realised that it had to be done NOW.

It's unfortunate that your dh was working, and I'm sure she would far rather he was in the photo, but it's not the end of the world if he isn't.

Original poster
hardas · 22/09/2013 12:12

She couldn't change the date - she left it so late that the only weekend available was the one DH was working. So it was either go ahead or cancel entirely - which wasn't an option.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/09/2013 12:13

And yes...you did give her the go ahead. Did you expect that the pictures would be squirreled away without an airing?
Well they haven't been. Her pics, her prerogative surely?

pictish · 22/09/2013 12:14

Well there you go then.

Original poster
hardas · 22/09/2013 12:15

So what I really should have said was 'No, actually, you cancel and it's no bother that half your family and 2 of your 5 grandchildren are going to be excluded from the family pictures'?

OP posts:
Original poster
hardas · 22/09/2013 12:16

'If you go ahead that is...'

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 22/09/2013 12:17

Sorry, but I think YABU about this. She has had a nice photo taken, and has shown it proudly to the world. If she had made a point about "my lovely family photo but sadly my DS is missing" that would have been wrong as well.

Editededition · 22/09/2013 12:19

OP - you must have also known that the voucher had a limited time, from earlier discussions.
If it was important to you, why didn't you remind her that her DS shift patterns meant early organisation.
As people age, its hard to keep track of everyone's timetables.

EvaBeaversProtege · 22/09/2013 12:20

Didn't BIL mind your dh not being in pic?

Is there just dh & one brother?

Original poster
hardas · 22/09/2013 12:20

Yes, just DH and his brother.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 22/09/2013 12:25

Why are you hurt? I really don't understand which bit you are taking offence to.

CoffeeTea103 · 22/09/2013 12:26

Yabvu, fine she left it till the last minute but at that point she had to either go ahead or not do any pictures. Surely some family photos are better than none. And she was proud of the pictures so she can post about them in any which way she wants.

Famzilla · 22/09/2013 12:26

YABU. You couldn't make it so what did you expect? For her to cancel the whole thing and waste her money?

Also you told her to go ahead didn't you?

I don't mean to be horrible but it seems like you think that the entire family revolves around your little unit.

DoJo · 22/09/2013 13:01

YABU and kind of making a martyr of yourself. She fucked up by failing to plan in advance, but having the photoshoot without your family in it was just making the best of a bad situation. You seem to acknowledge that there wasn't really much else she could do, but you're still annoyed that the photoshoot went ahead rather than being wasted. And now the photos are done - what is she supposed to do just squirrel them away and never show them to anyone? How does your husband feel about it? If he's hurt, then it's up to him to bring it up with his parents, but unless this is a symptom of general ill treatment of your family by your in-laws then you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

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