To be annoyed by selfish inlaws

[Ticklemonster2]

I had my second son via c section 5 days ago. I'm in the middle of the hormonal explosion that follows, but am so happy with our new,bigger family.
My surgery was more in depth this time and I've had more pain. I'm tired, sore and busy getting on with the day to day demands of having a toddler and new baby.
When our ds1 was born relatives over stepped the mark with visiting in large numbers for hours/days on end. My MIL totally disrespected boundaries during that time and undermined my confidence and bond with my son. In view of that my DH and I said that this time we would have limited visits for two weeks and only when I felt up to it.
Mil has visited twice which is fine. Although on her first visit to the hospital she brought the video camera and stuck it in my face (catheter still in and 5 hours post op) which my DH had asked her not to bring (we never see the videos).
Anyway, my many grievance is that before my ds was born she asked us to come over to see her relatives from abroad on day 11 post op/birth. I've never met these people and know from previous experience my ds will be passed around like a trophy while I'm treated like an incubator (happened before). My DH said that we would not be doing that but that he may pop to say hello time willing. She didn't like that but left it. Anyway, my ds is yet to meet my MILs DH who is on business abroad. When I asked his schedule for him to visit on his return she suggested we come and see him when her friends are visiting (the invite we had declined a week ago). I explained again that I won't be well enough for that and could he come over to us another day. She has not responded. Am I right to be bloody annoyed with her pushiness?
Be gentle I'm hormonal!! X

Congratulations on the new LO

I think you are not wrong to be annoyed, but also that this is because you are not yet used to setting firm boundaries and being comfortable with minor challenges to them.
The video is annoying. But it is done, so you have to let it go.

The family visit 'push' is just MIL seeing if she can tweak the boundary. Your DH (he gets from me ) has made it clear that this will not happen. The fact that she has not yet responded is not something to be annoyed about. She is processing. This approach is new to her, and will set the pattern for the future. Its 'normal' for her to try a different tack and stand away to consider things, while she realises that you are standing firm.

Be very proud of yourself, and DH, for establishing what you want, and how life is going to be, but remember it is you who you has changed the pattern - so accept that this assertiveness is something other people have to learn how to handle.

YANBU to be annoyed but just keep reminding her that you've already said no. Make a joke out of it maybe? Something like "Are you feeling ok MIL? Only we've told you many times that we're not coming then and you keep forgetting".

Oh & congratulations. I also made the mistake of having too many visitors post EMCS and my relationship with the people overstaying their welcome will probably never be the same. I really resent them.

What Editededition said!

I think you are being a little unreasonable, but that's allowed when you've got a newborn.

You seem to be saying that you want mil to make more effort to see you at the same time as not wanting to see her.

Wanting to show off her beautiful new grandchild doesn't make her pushy, nor does pointing out that this occasion would be a good thing for her DH to meet your baby which is something you say you want.

Broken sunglasses, honestly, I don't want her to make more effort to see me. We've asked for space as she is overbearing. That's something you can do without when you've had a baby and surgery.
Simply put, I don't want to meet with 22 people I don't know when I look and feel like I do. Furthermore, I don't want strangers passing my newborn around, especially when they've all flown in on international (germ ridden) flights.
I feel we've done a nice thing in inviting them to our home so her DH can meet our new ds. I feel she is rude in not even responding to say yes or no as thats not what she wanted to hear.
Hey ho, some people are born bloody rude!

If her DH is abroad, is it not possible that she is waiting to hear from him, before committing him to anything? YABslightly U to expect her to text you straight back, but YANBU to stick to your guns - and for your DH for sticking to his guns! (I know my DH would prefer to )
Many congratulations to both of you, and I hope you are soon feeling great again.