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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not wanting my learning disabled daughter to have to travel 3 hours a day to a job?

59 replies

ElectricalBanana · 22/09/2013 09:52

We want DD to get a job! She has autism and is classed as a vulnerable adult. She is 21.

She has a work choice advisor and this lady has found her a part time job at pound land in a town nearly 30 miles away. It's bus ride of 90 mins there and 90 mins back. Dd has diabetes on top of her learning disabilities.
Dd was informed of the job by email so I emailed the advisor and questioned the suitability of this job, I highlighted her learning issues, the cost of the bus journey and the time taken to get there and back.

Advisor got back to me and said this would be a part time job and would be good for dd and give her good work experience. She would also get wtc to bolster her wages.
Also there was a fund for dd and this money would be removed on Tuesday if a job had not been found by that day - and that I feel is the driving force in this.

I really don't like the idea of her being so far away from home, I cannot get her quickly if she gets stuck etc.
am I being unreasonable not to be happy with this arrangement ?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 22/09/2013 10:01

Will she be sanctioned and lose her benefits if she refuses the job?

Isn't there an option to employ her at a Poundland nearer home?

Will she remain eligible for work choice advice if the job is declined?

VestaCurry · 22/09/2013 10:03

That's a lot to cope with. Can the autism society advise/help?

Original poster
ElectricalBanana · 22/09/2013 10:06

I have no idea... The advisor didnt say anything about it. And dds communication skills are poor she just tells you what she thinks you want to hear. I am worried she will be stuck in another town and panicking with me not being able to get to her. We have lots of pound shop type places in our town which is a 10 min walk from our house.

Tbh I feel like saying no. Take her benefits off her, dad and I will look after her ( I know this won't be a positive thing for her but she cannot live independently any way and will be reliant on us forever)

My maternal alarm bells are going off big time.

OP posts:
ICameOnTheJitney · 22/09/2013 10:08

YANBU...go to the Special Needs section here on Mumsnet and the wonder women (and men) on there will help you. This can't be sensible at all.

ICameOnTheJitney · 22/09/2013 10:09

Can you go out on Monday and see if you can find her something closer to home?

Original poster
ElectricalBanana · 22/09/2013 10:13

She has sent out 100s of applications and cvs ....

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 22/09/2013 10:14

If she will never be able to live independently I would consider this an unsuitable offer.

I would hope she isn't sanctioned but if she is I would appeal immediately.

It sounds as though this is about targets and nothing else.

ilovesooty · 22/09/2013 10:15

Has she considered volunteering?

StrawberryMonkey · 22/09/2013 10:15

Yanbu! (((Hugs)))
I would be worried too. 90mins away is too far for a vulnerable young adult.
Has the advisor set in place any strategies for upsets at work? Who will deal with things when these occur if you are not close to hand?
My dd is on the autistic spectrum, and I have had to talk to her on the phone from work to calm her down and she is only 20min walk from home. She is only v mildly affected so wasn't statemented at school but even mildly affected it makes life difficult.
I totally understand your worry about her being vulnerable but it's also other employees around them being impatient because they don't understand asd...and their attitude / reaction to your dd - and in turn her reaction to that.

SunshineMMum · 22/09/2013 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VestaCurry · 22/09/2013 10:17

Good idea re special needs boards here.

pigletmania · 22/09/2013 10:19

Thats not right, surely they could transfer her to pounds and in the same town

StrawberryMonkey · 22/09/2013 10:20

Fwiw my dd doesn't fit into "special needs" category, nor does she fit into "mainstream" she has one foot in each section of society and got no support in finding work or with trying to explain to her boss that it takes longer for her to learn but she isn't "unintelligent" just needs calmness and extra time.
Other employees yelling at her out of frustration and shouting insults is not conducive to her behaviour remaining calm or normal! Hmm

pigletmania · 22/09/2013 10:21

I agree with oters here, dd 6 has asd and is statemented I worry about this. Definitely appeal, it is unacceptable for a vulnerable adult to travel this distance. Tey need to be Near help and familiar surroundings

buss · 22/09/2013 10:23

I agree you should refuse the offer, stating why it's in breach of the equality act and then appeal if/when they stop her benefits.

Lara2 · 22/09/2013 10:24

No, no, no! So not right! The special needs boards don't get as much traffic as here. Wait awhile before you move. Definitely contact the Autistic Society - surely they'll have some good advice.

WestieMamma · 22/09/2013 10:29

YANBU

The job centre people seem to have changed in their handling of people with autism all of a sudden. My nephew was seeing someone there who specialised in disabilities on a different floor to everyone else. In April apparently they reshuffled and made him sign on like everyone else. He was frightened and intimidated by the other people signing on and the staff said he had to go to poundland too. We only found out a couple of weeks ago as he told nobody and just didn't go again and therefore has had no money since April. :(

edam · 22/09/2013 10:29

National Autistic Society PLEASE call them.

Good luck...

buss · 22/09/2013 10:30

oh westie that's awful Sad

Original poster
ElectricalBanana · 22/09/2013 10:32

Thank you for not telling me I am being an idiot! Smile

She was statemented as a child and attended a special school when she turned 11. At primary she needed a TA at nearly 1:1.

She is fab- oozes confidence and is very chatty. She has the learning age of a 10 yr old - maths literacy etc. she still needs her mummy and can be very clingy. She is also nearly 6 ft tall and I am 5ft4 so that clingyness can be interesting! Grin

I think this is a box ticking exercise. She has been in the system for a year now - we kept her at the local fe college for as long as we could to delay the inevitable. This past month she has been doing work experience at our local pound land 3 hours a day and has loved every minute of it. I think the advisor is panicking- time has run out and after nothing happening for a year it has to happen now and with no regard to the needs of dd.

Dd is what you might say " smoke and mirrors" - gives the impression she is fine and understands but I know underneath she is terrified.

The advisor knows she is like this.

I am going to speak to her on Monday

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 22/09/2013 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ElectricalBanana · 22/09/2013 10:42

Terrified is the word mrs devere. She it outwardly so mainstream. iPod, iPhone, attitude, wag bag lol! But she is not like this inside. She talks to anyone too... And even though that is great and fab for shop work , I do worry she may be lured away. We do talk about stranger danger and she says " oh mum I am a big girl I won't go off'. I still have my doubts. She is no good at changing her plans - eg we went camping in Provence this summer. She said she was off to have a shower and was gone for an hour... OH went to find her and found her sat outside the showers-still not showered. Apparently the showers were being cleaned and she couldn't go in. So instead of coming back to the tent or going to the other block she just sat there. Because that was where she had decided to have a shower- no deviation. No changes .

OP posts:
MedusaIsHavingaBadHairday · 22/09/2013 10:43

Oh my goodness this is so ridiculous and worrying:( I hope you can see the advisor and make her see sense.

My DS2 is EXACTLY as you describe your DD...ASD, LDs was statemented and at SS and now at FE college, but appears 'normal' on the surface but massively vulnerable and needs a lot of support and this sort of future scares the pants off me.

How on EARTH do they expect her tp manage a 90 min bus ride?!
Does she have contact with a specialist disability advisor at the job centre ( or is the woman 'it' )

I really really hope you can sort it out. Please come back and update on how you get on.

I agree withanother poster that ringing the NAS may be a good place to start

MrsDeVere · 22/09/2013 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ElectricalBanana · 22/09/2013 11:15

When I went with her for her initial work interview a year ago they promised she wouldn't be forced into a job which was not suitable for her and I would be consulted at every point.

Blush

Mrs devere....and the others. Glad to know I am not the only one with a child like dd.

We get DLA at the lowest amount for her- I gave up a nursing job to become a childminder mostly because I needed to be at home for her. You can't get Childcare for adults! She can be left alone for a couple of hours at a time but she needs to be reminded about stuff.

We have no help, no social worker. I looked at supported living and was told we could only access it with a social worker....

I know she will be with me forever but what will happen when I die? Oh shit.... Having a cry now! Oh bollocks!

Fuckit

OP posts: