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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that over 30's single mum's are on the scrap heap.....

29 replies

SunriseSurprise · 21/09/2013 23:51

and should 'settle' for the first bloke showing an interest who is 'ok-ish' if they want male company?
I could be that woman described! But dear God! After a visit recently to various dating sites & a few rare nights out i think i am resigned to being single forever unless i am willing to set my sights much, much lower than I ever did pre children & younger days... is this unreasonable? Where the feck are decent, single, eligible men over the age of 30 ??

OP posts:
Smoorikins · 21/09/2013 23:57

I'm over 40, a single mum and don't appreciate being told I'm on the scrapheap.

If I'm single forever it won't worry me. I have a very fulfilling life regardless of my 'singledom'.

It would be lovely to find someone to be with, but it will not define my life.

CremeEggThief · 21/09/2013 23:59

Dunno yet, as I'm much happier on my own than I was when I was married!

jacks365 · 22/09/2013 00:00

Another over 40 single mum with no intention of lowering my standards. I'd rather stay single than settle. Having a man in your life is not compulsory.

CremeEggThief · 22/09/2013 00:02

FWIW, I think you need to learn to be happy in your own company, instead of trying to make yourself 'settle'. There's no time limit on it, so just go with what works for you and don't compare ir be influenced by others.

Onesleeptillwembley · 22/09/2013 00:03

Speak for yourself, by all means, OP, but don't speak for me or many people I know.

Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:09

I've been single for almost 4 years now, just one short term relationship in that time, which to be fair has suited me. That didn't work out, we were not really suited and tbh he wasn't my type as it quickly turned out. I just hate the pressure of married/coupled friends to get me 'paired off'. Quite honestly, the ex shithead has more or less put me off men for life anyway!!

OP posts:
Sandychick31 · 22/09/2013 00:09

I thought that at 15 stone and aged 35 I was on the scrapheap. Within a year or so I was down to a size 8 and no - I had plenty of offers, put it that way!!! - most recently from a man 15 years my junior although I didn't take his offer up!!!

Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:14

I am happy in my own company in general, had 4 years of it! And twat ex became no company for the last few years we were together anyway so it was no shock to the system to be suddenly alone when we split up. It's not my view of 'being on the scrap heap' its the pity and suggestions from my coupled friends who put this across to me - sorry if this came across as offensive (as it is offensive and bloody irritating to me!!)

OP posts:
Ledkr · 22/09/2013 00:18

I was 38 with four kids and a less than perfect body when I met my ten years younger gorgeous and amazing dh.
I was certainly on no scrap heap but you will be with that level of self belief!
Come on with you!

Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:20

SandyChick well done to you losing so much weight, and yeh, right attitude for me is i won't just go for the first plonker who shows an interest. But, i have to ask, what was wrong with your toyboy to turn him down ??

OP posts:
mydoorisalwaysopen · 22/09/2013 00:24

All my single mum friends find it difficult to meet someone they feel an affinity with. There appears to be a lack of men, lack of opportunity. single men seem to have greater opportunity if only because it's not seen as taboo to have a relationship with a woman 20 years younger.

muminthecity · 22/09/2013 00:25

Oh shit, I wish you'd told me sooner. I only have 5 months left to find myself a man before I join you on the scrapheap. Suppose I'd better get to work Wink.

Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:26

Ledkr - you go girl! It's lovely to hear stories like this, but i must ask how did you meet this new bloke? My life offers no opportunities really for meeting single blokes, never mind gorgeous younger ones haha!

OP posts:
Sandychick31 · 22/09/2013 00:27

Aw thank you SunriseSurprise yes - I feel so much better slimmer. Nothing was wrong with my toyboy looks wise - he was 25 and well fit! - it's just that he wanted just a one night stand (he was upfront about this) and at the time I met him there was a 'someone else' on the horizon who I've known for about 15 years and who I'm likely to make a more meaningful relationship with.

A similar thing happened to be at the age of 37 back in 2010!! - managed to attract another good looking guy who looked in his early 20a and in other circumstances gladly would have!! - but again, there was a possibility with this 'someone else' and I didn't want to risk losing an opportunity with him.

Incidentally, I was ID'd for alcohol twice last year at the age of 39!!

Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:30

Mydooris - that's just it - so much easier for single men no matter what their age is to meet someone.

OP posts:
theolddragon01876 · 22/09/2013 00:31

I was 38 with 3 kids when I married my wonderful Dh, I wasnt looking to get remarried,12 years with an abusive exh and I was all DONE. The ink was barely dry on the divorce decree when I skipped up isle with my now Dh,10 years later and a beautiful 8 year old Dd and I couldnt be happier :o

happybubblebrain · 22/09/2013 00:32

I'm over 40 and a single mum. I much, much prefer being single. If I wanted a bloke it would be very easy for me to get one. Men are very easy to get. Not every single woman is stupid and brainwashed enough to believe that finding a man is what they want.

Where the feck are decent, single, eligible men over the age of 30 ?? Hello! there aren't any, nor under 30.

Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:39

Sandychick you're not short of attention! Is anything gonna happen do u think with the guy you've got your sights on?

OP posts:
Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:42

happybubblebrain - you are so right - men are easy to get if we would all settle for some knobhead!!

OP posts:
Sandychick31 · 22/09/2013 00:43

Aww hopefully SunriseSurprise !! - I last spoke to him a few weeks ago and he seemed keen to meet up soon!! He's good looking, sensible, OK some of his interests are slightly different from mine ..but still….

And yes, tbh since losing weight I do seem to get a lot of attention! (not complaining)

Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:45

theolddragon where did you meet your now dh?

OP posts:
Original poster
SunriseSurprise · 22/09/2013 00:52

That's great Sandychick !! you get a date sorted soon and keep us posted. I'd love to just find/see a bloke regular enough to develop a bit of a crush on haha! Sad life i live!

OP posts:
AbiJen · 22/09/2013 00:53

@SunriseSurprise
I would suggest join some interest groups... if you can...in any free time you might have.
I go to college, I join charity groups, I help out at Scouts and Girl Guides. There are loads of really nice, lovely men out there. Some lost and lonely as well.

You'll meet who you want in the place you least suspect it and probably doing the same thing you enjoy

You need to relax, have fun doing what you enjoy and stop looking for him, he'll find you x

Smile
KellyHopter · 22/09/2013 01:02

Balls.

Sandychick31 · 22/09/2013 01:06

SunriseSurprise - Thanks!! I will definitely keep you posted! I hope you meet someone soon! I think I posted on another thread somewhere that from my own experience - and this has happened to me MORE than once - I've found that when I make an effort in one are of life - in this case losing weight - but could be anything really - e.g. improving your job prospects etc - good, and sometimes very unexpected things can happen in other areas!! :)

Cumulative effect of good things…..