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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think if young people spent less on clothes/beauty treatments/gadgets,

177 replies

loftladder · 21/09/2013 19:33

they would be far more likely to be able to save for big things like deposits for a house. I work with people of a wide age range. Those in their 20's and 30's bemoan the fact that they cant afford to buy a house/car/other large item. however, these are the people who visit the beautician regularly for nails/waxing/highlighting/tanning, buy at least a couple of items of clothing per week, and go on expensive holidays/change their phone as soon as a new one comes out..............have they never heard of saving, will the world end if they dont get their nails done, or use a good old bic razor. And are a couple of holidays a year essential. I may be a bit old fashioned, but i managed to do without any of these things, and it never did me any harm!!!

OP posts:
mamapants · 22/09/2013 07:15

Wow some of you responding are being far more unrealistric than the OP. Somebody has listed their 'fripperies' then totalling 350 then said if they gave them up it would take them 38 yrs to save a 13k deposit.
According to my maths it would take 3 yrs and 2mths which isn't bad amount of time to save a deposit.
But then you'd need to furnish it because freecycle and hand me downs won't do! And so many people turning their nose up at one beds.
And I didn't buy my house with bank of mum and dad, neither did DP, in fact I only know 2 people who've had inheritances to pay their deposit. Although it did annoy me how many people assumed my parents had given me my deposit.

learnasyougo · 22/09/2013 07:22

I'm in my 30s and resent that stereotype. I have never been to a salon, except once with a voucher as a xmas present. I haven't bought new clothes since may, I never buy coffee and haven't eaten out in over a year. I eat homemade lunch at work.

can I afford to rent or buy in my area? No way, luckily I live with dp who paid off his mortgage, when we had 3x the income we have now (and no kids then). we would not be able to afford to live in the southeast now.

frogspoon · 22/09/2013 07:28

mamapants, what good would a 13K deposit be?

For a 1 bed flat (200K), with a mortgage of 100K (for a 20K earner), after saving that 13K, where is the other 87K coming from?

funkybuddah · 22/09/2013 07:52

What is the obsession with being a home owner?

I like renting, no cost for boiler breakdowns, repairs etc. Only having to buy contents insurance.

Always had lovely agents who give us free reign as long as the house is as we found it when we leave.

Mine are sending decorators round soon to price up smartening up the place plus new carpets.

I'd rather have my gadgets/clothes/social life get the kids stuff if needed than pay a stupid amount for a house which isn't worth anywhere near what the market value is.

If first time buyers refuse to buy then the house prices will fall, as they need to.

jasminerose · 22/09/2013 07:52

Dont be ridiculous op. People who bought 10+ years ago had a much easier time getting on the property ladder

funkybuddah · 22/09/2013 07:54

Oh and I'm early 30s dp early 40s so not exactly young.

Ememem84 · 22/09/2013 08:12

I see where op is coming from. But am a bit peeved. I am 28. Dh and I own our flat but are saving (or are trying to save ) for a house. I Go to beauticians at least once a month (gel manicure £36, bikini & eyebrow wax £25) we try to have one holiday (not visiting family) once a year, and have the odd weekend in London, Paris every now and then. We food shop once a month. And make things last. Use the freezer. Plan meals. Only really buy milk every few days. Never waste anything. I rarely buy new clothes but try to keep the ones I have in great condition. Will normally buy new (and a lot of new) a couple of times a year. Am a believer in good quality shoes (lk Bennett) for work, rarely worn outside, good leather, classic style, will last so can justify the cost. We decided that while we want the house ASAP, we didn't want to out life on hold. We could comfortably live in our flat with a baby as it's very spacious so in no rush to move. Both work full time and think about what we do with money. Try and save a minimum of £500 a month, though some months this is difficult - when car needs servicing, or unexpected bills pop up. But so far so good.

Do agree that people who waste money then moan are annoying. Colleague has just moved out into her own place and is shocking. She used to live with parents who were fairly well off. Now assumes she can live the same on her wages. 3 holidays booked since moving out a month ago, always out partying, phones been cut off she doesn't gave money for her rent. Annoying.

HoneyDragon · 22/09/2013 08:14

Yup. I don't get the homeowning obsession either. A few of the under 30's in my area that I know complain about not being ale to get at house, but that complaint stems from feeling that they should be trying to get one, and that people think less of them because they rent.

A mortgage ain't that good. My bank are shit landlords, and don't care that the boilers cranky, the ceilings got a hole in it the the roping ing needs doing. And they own my house, not me.

pictish · 22/09/2013 08:20

I think its just pure snobbiness too that they're being judged for tans and nails. What if they were buying second hand paperbacks and discount theatre tickets . . .

I agree with this actually. I doubt OP would be quite so arch in her attitude if the disposable income was going on things she approved of.

OP - if you are new to MN let me tell you this....what you think is just a casual observation, and trivial in the grand scheme of things, will often be torn apart and analysed to within an inch of its life on here. You have got to be very sure of your facts/confident/thick skinned to post a sweeping generalisation as a talking point. That's why you're being shredded. Don't take it personally - tis the nature of the beast.

Anyhoo - I disagree with you. Your initial post has a very supercilious tone to it, as though you reckon you've got it all sewn up. As you can see from this thread, you haven't. Your wonderful son's unusual circumstances allowed him to put loads of money aside, which is simply not the case for most...they will be doing the adult thing of paying rent, bills and council tax which funnily enough swallows up pretty much everything. Your son had that at his disposal, so how you can come on here sneering at other people's spending choices, while crowing about your son, I do not know.
He was a poor example, and it showed you up as being unrealistic and out of touch. So YABU.
Better luck next time eh?

kungfupannda · 22/09/2013 08:32

People are focusing on the sofa-surfing issue because you used your son as an example of how saving for a deposit is possible - and then revealed that he was able to do so only due to the very unusual situation of being supported by a network of friends and family for an extended period of time.

The vast majority of people won't have that option. And even if they did, a lot of people still wouldn't have enough after two years.

Before DP and I had DS1, we were renting a nice little house in a nice part of SW London and both working full time - me on an ok, but not massive salary, him on a pretty good one. If we'd somehow been living rent and bill free for two years we could probably have saved something like £50k without even cutting back on our lifestyle.

If you're on a decent salary, losing rent and bills will make it pretty easy to get a deposit together, without tightening your belt too much at all.

If you're on the minimum wage, you'd have to be penny-pinching to ridiculous extents to even get close.

So while I agree that, in general, people have higher expectations of their standard of living these days, saving for a deposit will be out of most people's reach, even if they all had the huge advantage of 2 years rent and bill free.

kungfupannda · 22/09/2013 08:33

pretty much x-posted with Pictish

MistressDeeCee · 22/09/2013 08:41

OP -You're only young once. The thought of joykillers expecting young people to think as adults at a young age is quite depressing. Life is for living, there's far more to life than owning a home and focusing on money actually. Who says tomorrow is promised, anyway?

Preciousbane · 22/09/2013 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambamb · 22/09/2013 09:04

What is the obsession with being a home owner?

It's the insecurity, especially when you have kids in the local school. A friend of mine recently had to move as her landlord wanted their house back. They'd been there 3 years, to their 5 year old it's 'home'. They now are struggling to find anything anywhere near their friends, school & childcare that they can afford so will probably have to change schools etc. I really feel for them.

Also, they now have to find the money to actually move which can be expensive, and they had spent money on a bit of decorating (kids rooms) which is not only wasted but they need to put it back the way it was before they moved in.

The thought that they could find a new place only to have to move again in a year is very upsetting. Poor kiddies especially just have no stability.

sillyoldfool · 22/09/2013 09:05

I'd be happy renting for life if private rents didn't endlessly rise, instead of being eventually being paid off like a mortgage is.
The already slim hope that we'll ever afford to retire is totally taken away if we have to pay out rent till we die.

sillyoldfool · 22/09/2013 09:10

And the stability issue too, yes.
I love our flat. I'd be devastated if we had to leave, but it's a fact of life that we could be told times up here very easily.

funkybuddah · 22/09/2013 09:35

We've had a similar issue, land lord sold our home. Dc1 was in the local school. We found somewhere else, the only place big enough in the area so we took it, still here 5 years later

or first 4 year home was the ll second home so we knew she would sell eventually. When we found this place we asked about the ll and we're told she had multiple properties so more security.

My son has lived in 4 houses in 11 years, he's not unsettled, even my 5yr old days it will be exciting if we move. Kids are not as sensitive as people think.
(As that is all anecdotal)

But back to the essence of the op, life is for living, you don't know what will happen round the corner.

Moving Is exciting plus owning a home is not that secure really. Get laid off have to sell the house, and issue of finding an affordable one in your area is just as hard as I'd finding the money to move.

Trills · 22/09/2013 09:54

YABU to think that you can understand someone's life from the outside.

Have you heard of the lipstick effect?

When the economy is poor, people don't stop buying themselves treats, they just get smaller treats. A takeaway rather than a meal out. A lipstick rather than a pair of shoes. Rent a DVD rather than go to the cinema. But people will still do their best to have some treats, because life is pretty depressing if you can't have any treats at all. (obviously this doesn't apply if you are truly on the breadline)

If giving up all these things would get a house deposit in a year, I imagine more people would do it. But if it would require 5 or 10 years' of no treats, it's easier to get despondent and say "fuck it, I don't want to give up all my treats".

funkybuddah · 22/09/2013 11:09

Also if people stopped spending their money (no matter how small) the economy would be just a little bit fucked

frogspoon · 22/09/2013 11:24

Excellent point funky, and this is pretty much what is happening at the moment.

People ARE cutting back on luxuries regardless of what the OP thinks there was not a single response from a young person who confessed to having a lifestyle remotely close to what the OP suggests. But nobody goes without ANY luxuries, because life would be pretty dull even if we did.

I COULD save every single penny of my salary. Never go out for a meal, never buy new clothes, never get my hair cut etc, not go on holiday etc. Then I might have enough to buy a 1 bed flat in 5 years.

OR I could buy clothes from cheaper shops, cut down my hair cuts, go on a long weekend break etc, and save up MOST of my income. I would be able to buy a 1 bed flat in about 8 years instead.

I know which option most people would pick.

kali110 · 22/09/2013 11:42

Plus not everyone is on a nice wage!i was lucky to bring in £800 a month and that was only because my place used to pay extra on a sunday.as said i rarely have luxuries. I havent had a night out for four months and that was my bday.i go to a cheap hairdresser every 3-4 months who are good but give me a good deal. Only do this as if im working with the public i dont think having massive roots is a goid look!
Don't have nails done or a tan. Biggest gadget is my old model iphone that i got free on contract.i dont spend frivolously.
Pay out for medical card and a busspass. I shop around for good deals. I don't spend money on clothes every week or month.

SlowlorisIncognito · 22/09/2013 12:01

I think when you're in your early 20s, you actually need to buy moe clothes than older people, as you don't always have a suitable wardrobe for work, and when you're invited to an event you are less likely to have something suitable to wear in the back of the wardrobe. It's hard, when, say, you've just finished uni, to go out and buy all the clothes you need for work at once- so people might buy a couple of items every month to spread the cost and build up their wardrobe.

I don't actually know anyone who goes to the beautician that regularly, mostly only for a special occasion, or as a treat they've saved up for.

I do know a lot of people who change their phone when their phone contract ends, and things like that, but not doing so would probably only save them a small amount a month by switching to a sim only contract. Not enough to pay for a deposit on a house, or even a car.

Most people in their 20s I know do own their own cars, that they've saved up to pay for. They can manage to save something like £2-5k as that's a more realistic goal than the £20-40k you need to buy a house. Also, it's scary to commit to a morgage if you don't have that much job stability. It's also much easier to move from rented accomadation if you need to move for work.

Tbh, I don't think older people have the right to judge young people's spending habits or financial choices. It's not people under 30 who've messed up the economy, it's older people. We're just the ones who will have to clean up the mess, and probably work until we're 70 and not get a pension.

SlowlorisIncognito · 22/09/2013 12:03

(Sorry for double posting)

People who are spending on things like beauty treatments, clothes, meals out etc, are helping to keep the economy going much more than if they didn't have any of these and saved for a deposit for 5-10 years. If everybody only focused on saving then a lot of retail jobs would go.

marriedinwhiteisback · 22/09/2013 12:10

You know how things sometimes have a funny side effect. Know what, I'm going to book a manicure next week. The only one I have ever had was for my wedding and that was 23 years ago - might even investigate gel nails Smile. Thanks OP, you've really encouraged me to try something just for me because you've made me feel I deserve it.

RandallPinkFloyd · 22/09/2013 12:12

I live 'in the welsh valleys'. I couldn't buy a house no matter how much I saved. It wouldn't matter how big a deposit I had, no bank would ever give me a mortgage.

I have no bad debt and an excellent credit rating but I made the mistake of leaving my cheating husband so now I'm a single parent. Find me a bank that will give me a mortgage and I'll save my arse off, there's nothing I would like more than knowing I had a secure roof over my DS's head.

I'm actually very good at budgeting and I am also lucky in that I pay a fair price on my rent. (Don't mention the fact that my guttering has been in my front garden since March or that 2 out of 3 hot taps don't work, my rent is cheap and I like my little house) Consequently DS & I have a nice life, no big luxuries but we're not on the breadline so I consider myself very fortunate.

Buying a house is not an option for me and countless others. So why not buy a new dress or get my hair cut? Living like a pauper wouldn't change anything. So what if I get my nails done or have a fake tan (I do neither but that's not the point), if it makes me feel good what's the problem?

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