Or should I just accept DH and I parent differently?

[FlatsInDagenham]

I'm a SAHM, DH works long hours Mon-Fri. At weekends we take it in turns to have a lie in.

On my lie in days I will invariably come downstairs to find bored children in front of the television, DH in the background playing games on his ipad. My oldest DD (5yo) will be getting quite irritating and naughty because she is trying to get his attention and not succeeding. He will then snap and tell her off / shout at her.

He will feed them and change nappies but not get them dressed or clear up the breakfast things. Actually this wouldn't bother me in the slightest if he was actually playing or engaging with them in some way.

Right now I'm in the kitchen cuddling the baby while I eat breakfast and I'm listening to him saying "get off" again and again while DD is trying to get him to play. It makes me feel really for her.

I've been told on here before that I am too controlling and DH can choose to parent however he likes. I accepted that viewpoint but I still feel so sad for my lovely DD who just wants her dad, who she hardly sees during the week, to play with her at the weekends.

Should I continue to keep quiet about this?

like pictish said not everybody is a player not everybody wants to be building lego on a saturday morning but he needs to take care of them it is the letting them plya with dog biscuits and snapping at a 5 year old that would bother me, he needs to take part in the parenting malarky and not let the 5 yr old get to the point she is jumping al over him

Mine never got home for bath and bedtime OP. He wasn't bad at the park but I don't think he played with them as in played games although I do remember him lying on the floor and letting them crawl all over him. I think you have to accept each other's differences providing there's no unkindness. My DH has got better as they have got older and as for the days out he found stuff other than a transport museum difficult because he never had days out as a child. Even on holiday his idea of hell was Dairy World in Cornwall but I was happy to let him slope off with a book for a walk and a pint somewhere and leave us to it. But he was brilliant at taking them down to beach and searching rock pools whilst I had a few hours after supper.

Why is he snappy with the 5yo?

But sometimes when you have kids it can't always be about what the parent wants!

Maybe he doesn't want to do Lego or whatever-but maybe they could play a game together on the ipad, or they could be at the table together with daughter drawing/colouring whilst he ipads.

Or look at a book with her-or just talk to her...

my DH does stuff with DD but not really into playing he looks after her well expects her to entertain herself sometimes which she does ( which incidentally I think is a really important life skill to be able to be on your own and not bored)
he will show her things, like take her round ruins explore the woods but he is never going to do pretend games with lego or the city bricks or pretending to be the voice if a doll , he does swings, climbing etc but if he reads he does not do different voices etc

your DH does do some horsing around and tickling, I would encourage this maybe moving on to like daddy being the crocodile/lion/monster chasing them

I don't know why he's snappy with her. I don't think he has much understanding of what it's like to be 5. I think he expects her to have more common sense / understanding of the world / independence than she does right now and conversely at the same time he struggles to see her as a complete and separate person with rights, thoughts and feelings that should be respected.

Someone mentioned that maybe no-one played with him as a child. I think this could be true. He had friends and cousins he played with but he was a lot younger than his siblings (6 years younger than the next youngest) and I doubt his parents were the playing kind either.

I can accept that he might not be a playing with toys kind of a parent. I guess I would like him to engage with them more though - suggesting trips out, exploring woods etc would be wonderful. And get off his bloody iPad and at least watch them / talk to them for a while.

Oh, and if I hid his iPad as has been suggested, he would simply turn the house upside down to find it then normal service would resume.

I'm training to be a social worker, and what you're saying about him having a poor understanding of his child's abilities and understanding is actually a red flag. Not of wilful neglect, but of potentially poor parenting skills which could affect the child's development. It's not something we would intervene over (there's generally a lot more cooperation here), but we would suggest some parenting classes to try and improve the situation. Having said that I'm not in the UK so don't know what's available in terms of advice or guidance. It is a skill that can be learned, others upthread have suggested books. Is there a surestart cnetre near you? Or could you ask the HV even though everyone on MN thinks they're useless? Perhaps the school has someonewho specialises in this sort of thing.

I think it's important for him to understand that you recognise that he works hard during the week and that he needs a break, but that weekend mornings are not the time to take it. The children's needs trump his. Would it help if you both sat down with the calendar and blocked out time for you each to relax?

I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, I really don't think there's a massive issue with someone sitting around with their pj's on on a weekend morning. I'm sorry, I work all week, so does my husband, we are tired and so we don't leap up at 6am to start learning activities and the children's needs are to be fed, be safe, and learn to play by themselves at this point in the day (18 month an exception but my husband certainly did a lot of lying down parenting on weekend mornings, as did I in those early years). If that involves everyone vegging in front of the TV for a few hours, I don't think that should be labelled poor parenting.

However, my husband does then take the children out for the day to a theme park, to classes, or just out to the shops, as do I. We tend to have one lazy day and one more active day on the weekends. Some men (bit of a stereotype) don't chatter as much to their children as some women (my husband doesn't) and he doesn't play children's games with them- but they meet in the middle (Play Station, cuddled up on sofas) and he takes them a lot of places and activities as part of family life.

I would be annoyed if he never initiated any activities. What's he like for their bed and bathtime? I think if there is a problem with interaction overall this is different than being a bit annoyed a 5 year old is jumping on you early on a weekend morning.

I do wonder if you play with your children and entertain them so much that they can't do it for themselves? You say they are so bored and leap on you the moment you appear....are they really unable to play by themselves for a while?
Lots of parents aren't the get down on the floor and play with dolls/cars types, I know I'm not. I read with them, play board games etc, but I don't play with them in that way and I don't see my job as entertaining them. I don't see a problem with that. The rest of it is a different problem so i think you need to seperate out what really matters here.

I play with my dd when I have to, but much as I love ddI don't enjoy playing with childrens toys < eyes pile of Sylvanian crap on table waiting to be played with, in despair), I try to avoid it as much as I can. I would much rather play on ipad. I do it when pushed, but surely you dd can play by herself a bit.

Are you confusing playing with giving her attention?