To wish he'd come back sooner

[Calloh]

I probably need to get a massive grip.

We are having shit, shit nights with DC 3 who is 6 months. My husband works long hours. I get up early to walk dog before he goes, he's back late. I'm really knackered. He's been sleeping well. With the three children and his hours we don't have that much time when we're on top form with each other, chatting and laughing etc.

I perennially feel unloved by husband, which is annoying for both of is but he is very unemotional and comes across as very cold - which he accepts whereas I'm too much the other extreme.

He worked late on Wednesday (10 pm back), was out on Thursday, said he'd pop out for a quick drink tonight but won't be long, I said he could be as long as he liked and I wanted him to have a good time.

But yesterday I had an awful day with the children, dH rang for admin purposes and asked how day was and I told him that it was one of those days when I felt I was fucking up the children by big knowing how to deal with stuff (lying in this instance) and I felt exhausted.

When he got back he tried to fix it and told me I should go to bed at 8 etc when I don't because I want Rome just doing nothing really. We had a big argument and I said I felt awful at the moment, line I was a crap mother, shit about my body, about my body and everything. Because is told him not to present solutions all the time but try and empathise he just said that must be bad for me and rolled over to go to sleep, which resulted in further arguing and more of me feeling I don't matter at all to him.

On the back if this he came home tonight and a skirmish started with him refusing to accept my take on something and then left. Afterwards I sort of hoped that he'd come back early like I said, even though I said not to worry as supposed to go out tomorrow (first time in 10 months) and I just really want us to be ok.

I'm sorry I'm rambling.
I'm being unreasonable aren't i. I said it was ok, I can't expect him to guess that is love it if he did come back early. I need to just believe him when he says he loves me and not look for signs of it. I'm just tired and he's forgotten his keys. Sorry, sorry massive rambling

I am so so sorry too for all the typos. When will I learn to proof-read.

didn't want to read and run, but not sure what I can advise. if he has his phone with him you could text? use the forgotten keys as an excuse if you need to?

try and get a good sleep tonight (DC permitting) and talk to him calmly and quietly when you are out tomorrow - sounds like he may be knackered too with working long hours, not that he's not bothered about you. Some people, often men, do try to 'fix' things when you have a problem, but they are trying to help!

can you send him a message to let him know where the keys are and get off to bed yourself.

sounds like sleep deprivation and the full time responsibility of the kids is taking it's toll on you.

you're not wrong to want your husband to understand that but perhaps he's just not showing it in the way that you want him to. talk about it when you're both less exhausted. (although that would be easier if he was home more i'm sure)

Thank you both. You're right. I'll leave the keys outside and sleep. He does need time off too and he rarely gets it.

This all sounds normal to me. Sadly. Just rest as much as you can. Make time for each other, get a good routine.

if you've ever read 'men are from mars...' you'd recognise his 'fixing' behaviours. i read this right at the beginning of our relationship when we moved in together and it really helped me to understand.

I'm a fixer though, and find the listening and empathising hard work, but get why it's necessary now.

You might need to let him know if you're having a moan and just want him to be sympathetic, or you want suggestions, or you want him to come up with the answer to whatever it is.

He won't be a mindreader, so don't do what I do and just want him to suggest he comes home earlier, or gets up one night or whatever, just ask him if he will/can.

Hopefully you are asleep now, and will feel better in the morning!

You are both tired. I fee a bit the same a lot.

Out of interest, why do you need to get up early to take dog out? Can't you do it later? Or are you working too?