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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about being expected to be pleased...

15 replies

RandomSample · 20/09/2013 20:48

... that I've been 'allowed' not to go to this wedding (and that DH is spending a LOT on going)?

One of DH's family is getting married in Vegas when LO will be less than a year. The couple are not American and have never been to Vegas, it doesn't have any particular significance to them, they just felt like trying it.

We're the other side of the world and will be without income on the date.

DH is going. Myself and LO will be watching the proceedings via webcast.

I don't mind DH going without us but the expense is a real concern.

And so I need to whinge where the ILs won't hear!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 20/09/2013 20:58

Is this a close member of DH family? If so, then it's not unreasonable that he will go. The venue is irrelevant as it's the couples choice where to have it.
But seeing that it will be so expensive yanbu

Original poster
RandomSample · 20/09/2013 21:03

Close family, yes. Which is why I sort of think it is OK he goes.

But I do think we should cut back on presents etc. They got us some mugs when we got married (day trip distance to where we all live) which I thought was fine... had expected we'd be doing similar, not spending thousands on a trip somewhere unsuitable for LO. Humf.

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 20/09/2013 21:26

If you can't afford it then DH should not go.

Noteveryday · 20/09/2013 21:32

It's not unsuitable for your baby though is it? The only reason you're not going is that it is too expensive. People who book a wedding abroad usually understand that others may not be able to attend and it can be a way of cutting down on numbers.

I don't want this to sound mean but I think you wish you could go with DH and are possibly a bit jealous that he'll be off having a good time while you are stuck looking after baby. That's how I would feel and would try and justify by moaning about expense etc. But really you know deep down its not about you and they'll all have a bloody good time.

Plan something good for you to do while they're away or when they are all back and there'll be someone to babysit.

AgentZigzag · 20/09/2013 21:32

You'd think they'd say no presents if guests are shelling out for travel.

Were they from Wikos special mugs?

Did you ask for mugs or were they trying to tell you something was that their choice of present?

YANBU though, even trying to keep costs down on a holiday it's extortion, but when there's a group you have to go along with...eek.

Original poster
RandomSample · 20/09/2013 22:13

Not jealous, no Noteveryday.

The reason Vegas isn't suitable for LOs is that they/or often buggies aren't allowed in venues with gambling, many bars and even some hotel swimming pools (seriously, I looked to see if it was possible to go...) and obviously most of the shows aren't suitable for under ones.

Even if it was more affordable a 14 hr journey to get to a very 'adult' place isn't something I'd choose.

They were mugs from our gift list. None of us are loaded so they were a welcome and proportionate present.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/09/2013 22:19

I wasn't passing judgement on the mugs as gifts as we asked for similar stuff when we got married, I was just fishing for a juicy bit Wink

But because I'm like a dog with a bone you mentioned the mugs for comparison, were you suggesting they were expecting/your DH is planning on getting a present that's more in line with flashy Vegas than of a similar value to mugs?

Original poster
RandomSample · 20/09/2013 22:39

Ah, I see. ;-)

DH was planning on gifts. I sort of thought the thousands on travel (to somewhere even he doesn't want to go) was enough. More than we spent on our whole wedding in fact! (Which was perfect, I wouldn't have wanted anything else... just giving an idea of the relative expense for us)

OP posts:
Noteveryday · 20/09/2013 22:52

Maybe I'm not understanding something, but it's their choice where they have their wedding...they don't need to consider you and definitely not your baby in that choice. If you're going abroad its usually because you don't want loads of people, although it might be out of order if for example you wanted guests but you knew your Mum wouldn't be able to afford it . As it is, if you really couldn't afford it, H would have to gently explain this. But he is going, so you can afford it, so what is the problem?

MajesticWhine · 20/09/2013 23:04

Whinge away. Sounds like a waste of money. Who says you are supposed to be pleased? DH?

expatinscotland · 20/09/2013 23:13

So you can't afford it and he's still going? WTF?

expatinscotland · 20/09/2013 23:16

What's the problem? I would think it was utterly fucking wanky to swan off on my family to go to Vegas for a poxy wedding when we didn't have income coming in. In fact, I'd think it was wanky even if we did.

Cheddars · 20/09/2013 23:18

Who are you most annoyed with? In my case, it would be Dh. I'd rather we had a family holiday than blow it all on this. It would be unreasonable for his family to expect him to travel to Las Vegas alone surely.

Preciousbane · 20/09/2013 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsVestibule · 20/09/2013 23:26

I still don't get who's expecting you to be pleased you don't have to go?

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