to ask in laws to change their plans?

[peachesandpickles]

DH and I recently had a significant anniversary. We had planned to go away for a night but due to DH's work needed to pick a date closer to the the time.

We had asked MIL to babysit and she agreed but couldn't give her a specific date until last weekend - so last weekend we told her we wanted to go next weekend and she agreed but then remembered she told sil she would babysit for her the following night.

We rarely ask MIL to babysit as I know she finds it tiring and I am conscious of not taking her for granted and really appreciate it when she helps out. I can't comfortably go away for a night leaving her with my 2 knowing she'll be doing it all again the next night.

Next weekend is really the only time we can go for months and months and SIl's night out isn't for a special occasion. They just fancied a night down the pub.
Would it be awful to ask them to change their night?

Now that I read it back I think it wouldn't be right.

Wondering what others think.

Your MiL has a previous commitment. YABU.

Did she say she would find it too tiring to do two nights in a row? Or imply it? Or are you just being considerate?

I would stick with your dates and leave it with her to say to your SIL could she do it another w/e?

Or if SIL is your DH's DS, could he explain the siuation to her and say he is worried abou making his mum over-tired, but he wants to take you away and this is the only time he can do it?

I think mil should ask if she feels she can't cope with 2 nigts in a row.

Why don't you offer to look after sils kids so she can still go out, mil gets a rest and you get your special time?

Congratulations on your anniversary :)

In the circumstances, if I were your SIL, I would change.

Sorry but YABU to ask your in-laws to change their plans. It may be "just a night down the pub" to you but they've clearly planned it in advance. You don't have the monopoly on particular dates.

But froken's is a very good idea :-)

I find these things so tricky. MIL hasn't said anything but I know the couple of nights she minded my two overnight she was very tired the day, not because they are hard work but she doesn't sleep well when she has grandkids overnight.

YABU.

It's up to your mil if she thinks she can do it two nights in a row. If she is happy, and SIL is happy, you are the only one with a problem. Therefore you compromise, or change your own plans.

I think it would be totally unreasonable to ask MIL to change her commitment.

But I would ask SIL if she could change her night out. Maybe she can, maybe she can't.

What's the harm in asking?

We wouldn't be asking MIL. I was thinking of asking SIL directly, not going behind her back.

My main concern is that even if MIL agrees to the two nights and we go I won't fell 100% comfortable and would end up coming back first thing to give her as long as possible before other grandchild arrives.

She has minded my dc overnight about 3 times in the past 3 or 4 years for weddings and we always collected them around 10am. This time I was hoping for a lie in and a nice lunch with DH.

Think I'll postpone it for now.

op, why don't you offer to babysit your sil's children?

well, I think you are over thinking this, if MIL has said that she's ok with then, then she probably is.

However, there's rather an obvious solution. If say, you are going away on the Friday night, returning on the Saturday and collecting your DCs from MIL long before she needs to look after SIL's DCs, could you offer to SIL that you will have her DCs to your house for a sleep over instead on the Saturday night? So you get MIL to have yours on the Friday night, MIL doesn't have to look after SIL's DCs on the saturday so gets a rest and you don't feel the need to rush back, your SIL gets her night out and the only people 'put out' are you and DH looking after SIL's DCs, which as long as they are realitively well behaved, shouldn't be a big deal...

oh great minds Froken!

Yes you could offer to babysit for your SIL.

I really don't think you should ask to change the date. I appreciate that you've been busy, but expecting someone to be free only one weekend in advance is a bit much, and your SIL has obviously been more organised than you in letting her Mum know her plans.

So ring your SIL and explain and offer to babysit for her on the following day if you really do want to go next weekend.

I would offer to look after your SIL's children.