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AIBU?

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Feeling smothered

7 replies

basketweaver2012 · 20/09/2013 16:38

My friend is the loveliest person I know. There's genuinely not a bad bone in her body and I know for a fact that if I need her and she could help them she would. And the same goes for me to her.
She's been through some hard times, much of it before I knew her tbh and I have had a rough time of things recently and she's always there to listen which I do appreciate, and she knows this.
My problem is that I'm starting to feel suffocated a little by her.
She constantly texts, first thing in a morning til last thing at night, usually asking how I am etc which makes me feel worse as sometimes..... well I just don't feel like explaining myself! I know I sound a cow but it's becoming too much. I usually do reply and then we start a dialogue but I work full time in a high pressure job, have 2 little ones and do it all solo and sometimes it just gets irritating the constant demand for me to be texting.
There always some drama going on and I'm feel like I'm always trying to help her fix her life and whilst I love being her friend, it's exhausting. We've only known each other a year or so and it's been full on since day one.
I know I should he grateful that someone cares about me but I think I'd just like a little advice on how to back off from this without hurting her feelings! I'm quite happy with my own company (only child!) and am beginning to dread my phone binging!
Oh, I know i am being mean too. I really don't mean to be Hmm

OP posts:
MrsLouisTheroux · 20/09/2013 16:47

She sounds lonely :(
I would just answer her morning texts with a smiley face and not worry too much. Also, only answer the phone when it's convenient to you. You don't need to feel suffocated, just be a bit unavailable!

basketweaver2012 · 20/09/2013 18:09

I think she is a bit lonely, which is why I feel bad also. I don't want to hurt her feelings by being unavailable as I don't want her to feel I'm not replying etc because I don't care about her etc because I do!

OP posts:
LittleBallOfFur · 20/09/2013 18:12

Could you tell her work is getting a bit manic so you might be a bit quieter on the texts?

elcranko · 20/09/2013 18:17

Leave it longer between replying to texts and when you do reply tell her work has been busy or you've been busy with the kids or something. Don't put questions in your texts so you don't encourage a dialogue. Or text saying you're really busy but you'll call her for a chat when you get a chance. And do call her when you can, she sounds like she's a good friend, she's just a little lonely maybe.

IDontDoIroning · 20/09/2013 18:32

Can you pre empt the text convo by texting something like got a manic day with work/ kids/ stuff (delete as appropriate ) sorry might miss your texts so will be in touch later/tomorrow/x day

saulaboutme · 20/09/2013 18:33

She seems very dependent and probably lonely if she has all that time to be texting you.
I'd make the replies between texts further apart and just say you were busy if she asks. Your life sounds opposite to hers. It's probably because you've been making time to answer regularly that she doesn't see a problem and she should get the message eventually.

AgentZigzag · 20/09/2013 18:38

What elcranko says.

Could she be exaggerating the drama of things so she's got something to say?

You're definitely not being nasty to want your own space. It's your phone, answer it when you want, otherwise that says you have no choice in it, and that can't be right.

Get a template together for answering the 'how are you doing' texts, 'I'm fine thanks, snowed under lol', getting it 10 times in a row might give her a hint Grin

If you're answering all the time she probably thinks it's OK, what happens if you haven't answered for a while?

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