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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be blubbing 7 days post-partum?

28 replies

InStyle · 20/09/2013 14:47

I had a straight-forward birth. My baby has no problems. I have a lovely supportive DH and bfing is a breeze.

I also have a gorgeous 3 yr old who seems to be taking the new baby in his stride.

All good right???

So why, after a week, am I still feeling welling up several times a day and sobbing quietly at least once or twice? The cause of the emotion isn't even to do with the baby, it's my older child. I love him so much and having a newborn again has reminded me that his babyhood is over. It was just him and me day to day for so long and he is such a special boy and the best companion. Along with DH we were a great little team of 3. I hate things changing, have never handled change well. Just want to go back to how it was before...yet I really do adore my new baby too. My older boy, who I was still calling "my baby" until last week just seems so big now and I feel utterly bereft...as though I've lost him. Does that sound crazy? Last night I sat him on my knee and read a load of unsuitable baby books to him just to try to recapture those days. He was a bit Hmm. I just feel Sad

Anyone had this?

So why am I crying at everything still, at 7 days? And mostly what I cry at is the conflict I feel over my first child. Having this new baby in my life

OP posts:
Original poster
InStyle · 20/09/2013 14:48

Oops, ignore last paragraph - poor cut and paste job.

OP posts:
MissPB · 20/09/2013 14:51

well that all makes sense to me and no YANBU. Are you ok? Having a new baby is overwhelming enough and when you have an older one if can feel a confusing time too.

scottishegg · 20/09/2013 14:54

Its still very early days and its completely normal I was the same on all 3 of mine. Your hormones are everywhere and you may have irrational thinking don't worry it will pass.

ShirazSavedMySanity · 20/09/2013 14:54

Many congratulations on your new arrival.

Seven days is still very, very early on in the grand scheme of things and PERFECTLY 'normal' to be feeling like this. Hormones are cruel things.

Go with the flow, you have a DS who is still your world, and a new baby to add to the mix. As you watch them grow and bond as the days/weeks/months go by, the over whelming sense of love with grow with it seeing them together.

It will only get better.

frogslegs35 · 20/09/2013 15:39

YANBU in any way shape or form - it's natural and completely normal so as the above poster suggested - just go with it. I promise you'll feel better and the feelings and emotions will get less and less with time.
Congratulations btw, enjoy your new baby and your 'new' big boy ;)

riskit4abiskit · 20/09/2013 16:23

I was like this last week when ds was two weeks old. Crying at the slightest thing. I blame lack of sleep as much as hormones

pixiepotter · 20/09/2013 16:27

It's just the baby blues caused by your hormones being all over the place.You'll be over it in a few days.Longer than a fortnight ,see your doctor

MisselthwaiteManor · 20/09/2013 17:10

7 days is nothing, it's an enormous life changing event and your hormones will be going crazy. I'm still reeling 14 weeks after having my baby. You obviously coped going from no baby to one baby so I'm sure you'll cope and adjust with this baby too. And congratulations Flowers

WillSingForCake · 20/09/2013 17:11

Hormones and tiredness! Congrats on your new baby.

Yonionekanobe · 20/09/2013 19:24

Congratulations!! Definitely not unusual or unreasonable. Hope you feel better soon.

GibbyS · 20/09/2013 22:07

My 'baby' boy was 20 today! This makes me feel proud and tearful at the same time. It's all part of being a parent so don't worry.

loopylou31 · 20/09/2013 23:16

I don't often post on this forum but what you've written really struck a cord with me so just had to write you a message. I'm up late as I've just been feeding my second baby, now three months. My other little boy was two when he was born.
I felt very similar to you by the sounds of it. I was over the moon that new baby had arrived safely & full of love for DS2 but quickly also felt like I was cheating in my first love. It felt like I should be caring for DS1 as a baby and I felt sad that I would never get his 'baby days' back. I felt very guilty that it was no longer all just about DS1 and I was tearful for quite a few days, feeling very guilty thinking that DS1 was feeling abandoned & sad (he wasn't, he was adjusting definitely, but completely besotted with his new little brother) Gradually as the hormones wore off and it became more and more clear that DS1 absolutely adored DS2 and that actually we had given DS1 a very special gift, I started to feel better. I think I was torturing myself for some reason as I also felt guilty towards dS2, who I knew I also adored, for pining for DS1!
All the very best, watch their bond grow & hopefully like me you'll find that the sad feelings will pass. I found talking to other mummy friends helped as I realised I wasn't the only one who felt this. It's an emotional roller coaster.
Enjoy your family, take care.

winedowntime · 20/09/2013 23:30

Ah you are not being unreasonable, I felt the same when ds2 came along, it just takes a bit of time to get used to it but you will be fine. Seven days is nothing! Just you wait, in a few months' time the big one will be showing off for the wee one, who will be giggling like crazy and you will see what great pals they're going to be and how much they love each other. It's just a big change at the moment but you'll get there. Try to go easy on yourself .

FeegleFion · 20/09/2013 23:34

Be gentle with yourself.

My DS birth wasn't easy but it was 9 months ago & quite frankly I'm still very often teary.

Some women do fine from the off and others need time. Different strokes & all that.

mameulah · 21/09/2013 00:11

I cried so hard seven days post partum I got an emergency doctor's appointment. Embrace the moment!

theyoniwayisnorthwards · 21/09/2013 00:19

I felt exactly what you describe 7 days post partum with DS2, it's the rush of hormones as your body adjusts to not being pregnant combined with exhaustion and natural worries. Nine months later and it's gets better, and easier every day and the relationship blooming between my boys is the most wonderful thing.

Slutbucket · 21/09/2013 04:10

I had the same feelings exacerbated by the fact my second pregnancy was twins. I felt so sorry for DS1 and missed him. Perfectly normal although 2 years on he adores his little sisters and they adore him and we are a tight little unit of five and it is lovely!

MrsMook · 21/09/2013 04:43

I didn't really notice that I had baby blues this time, but I did get similar feelings about DS1 in the early weeks. I had a rough ending to the birth and my SPD was worse than ever so I could do very little for DS1. He'd been shunted back and forth with a false alarm before the birth where I was kept in for 24hrs after the symptoms faded, then for the real event. Knowing that recovery from the birth could be an issue he had extra nursery hours to keep some activity and variation in his life for the early weeks. Then DGM came to stay for a fortnight and he had to get to know her again... He was unsettled for a while, and my emotions were focused on concern for him.

5 months on and having a pair of siblings is amazing. DS2 adores his big brother (excellent entertainment value). Watching them doing "row, row, row" where DS2 is being dragged forwards and back with a huge daft grin on his face isn't far off from making me blub with love. The disruption and unsettled phase for DS1 is well worth it, and the benefits are there for a lifetime.

YANBU

jchocchip · 21/09/2013 04:55

Congratulations! My ds is 21 and I still remember how enormous he seemed when dd1 was born. yanbu. I had progesterone therapy with dd1 and missed the baby blues. (After ds was born I nearly didn't get out of hospital, was hypermanic and had to be medicated :( ) Hormones and lack of sleep have a lot to answer for.

catyloopylou · 21/09/2013 05:43

I feel the same. I am now 17 days post partum and the tears are fewer but wondering if I have ruined DS1's life always makes me well up, especially when he wants me to play with him and I have to tell him yet again that I have to finish feeding the baby or change baby's nappy first. It makes me feel sad and less connected to DS1, when I had felt very close to him pre-baby. I hope this will change as I get more of a routine in place and baby stops cluster feeding so much and sleeping better.

Original poster
InStyle · 22/09/2013 16:01

I'm just disarmed by how much harder I'm feeling the Baby Blues second time around. First time I was on cloud 9 and never really came back down. It was all so lovely. This time I'm racked with guilt, anxiety and a tiny bit of regret for turning our neat little existence upside down.

OP posts:
Onlyconnect · 22/09/2013 16:04

I'm like Instyle. It took nearly 5 weeks for my hormones to settle this time.

McNewPants2013 · 22/09/2013 16:17

I felt really guilty when DC2 was born, the fact I spent 3 days in hospital where I rarely saw DC1 and the sleepless nights and having zero energy for him made. I felt like he wasn't getting enough attention and on top of that moved when DC2 was 3-4 months old and uprooting him made me feel like I failed him.

Fast ward 4 years and it amazing. It really do get easier.
( until dd started school and now I am counting the hours till they are home)

plummyjam · 22/09/2013 19:43

It's hormones they do funny things to you. I cried over the trap shooting at the Olympics when I was pregnant. Completely overcome with emotion I was. I think the only other people crying at that were the ones who won medals.

Congratulations on your new baby!

katese11 · 22/09/2013 20:53

Totally normal and I had much the same when dd was born. If took a while to reconnect with ds and so mourning his lost babyhood but we got there. Be gentle on yourself.

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