To ask if you have any one sided friendships and if so do they work for you?

[drivingmisslazy]

I have a friend (one of not many as only recently moved into the area 6 months ago) she always seems to have a drama and asks if I can pick her ds up from school (at least 3 times a fortnight) I walk past her house so its not an issue. She doesn't drive so I offer to take her to the supermarket when I go. She is always falling out with her dh and always popping round for a coffee and tears.

I never used to mine being leaned on, but I had a hospital appointment yesterday where I might have been a little late picking dd up from school, I asked if she could collect dd if I was not there she said yes no problem, but then I got a text at 2.30 saying something came up and she was unable to do it, luckily my appointment did not run on so I was back. The thing that came up was another friend asked her round for a coffee after school. I was a little miffed but not fumming that the one time I have asked her to do something she let me down.

AIBU firstly to feel a bit miffed, and are any of your friendships one sided and does it work for you?.

TIA

Yes.

I have a friend who is going through a horrible, horrible divorce and whenever she drinks - it gets very messy. It's been like this for years.

She's fine with helping out with the kids, it's just that her divorce has been dominating our friendship for so long it's practically re-defined it.

I would say it doesn't work for me in its current state. I miss having a super-stable friend to lean on. It's her old self that keeps me going.

When my children were babies I had a friend with 2 children the same age as mine. We used to get together once a week. She commented that it was so much easier looking after 4 between 2 of us rather than looking after 2 on her own.
That was because I looked after all four and she sat back, drank coffee and chatted. I put up with it because she was massively entertaining and a window into another world for me.

She was never really interested in what was happening to me though and a few years on became much more downbeat so I didn't push the friendship as it was just too much hard work. I was just providing childcare.

There was another 'friend', part of a wider group, who I used to give lifts to when we all met up. She never offered even though she had a perfectly good car. I heard her say once that she never had to worry about drinking and driving when we went out as 'good old whatdoi' was always there to drive her.

'Good old whatdoi' never drove her again. I began walking to our meet ups and she had to sort out her transport herself.

You can take advantage of me, but don't boast about it in my hearing!

Thanks for replying.

Yep, My dh doesn't like my friens as she says she is a user, and I do get where is coming from, but when dd started school the playground was very cliquey and I felt very out of place and she was the only person who would come up and say hello, and would invite me round for coffee's, I can honestly say I settled in well because of our earlier friendship, she is definitely taking the mickey more and more, so I think I will need to pull back.

Every one sided friendship I've had, where it's been genuinely one sided, I've had to eventually let drift as I think that kind of friendship doesn't work. I'm not the most sociable person anyway but I find it draining when someone leans on me too much

On the other hand, I have a friend who is so kind, thoughtful, generous, a lovely person. She buys me things all the time. Even if we just meet up for a coffee she brings a huge bouquet of flowers.

Financially I can't reciprocate so instead I try to have her kids for her whenever she needs me to.

The relationship is definitely one sided and this upsets me greatly. I have asked her on numerous occasions to not buy me things but she continues to do so.

That said, I adore her for her company, she is a rock and I like to think I am to her. It does work for us.

Jimijack, I think she sounds lovely. You do help her back though by having her kids.

I think its a case of I dont mind it being a bit one sided if I am valued and appreciated, not when it feels I am taking advantage of.

Yes.

I have friendships where I am in a much better position in life and I have friendships where I am in a much worse position. So to some people I aways seem to helping and comforting and with others I am always receiving.

I don't mind either way, it seems to work.

I had a one sided friendship for a long time. It used to drive DH demented, but never bothered me as I was happy to be supportive of someone struggling with her DCs, her family etc. eventually she was in a better place and still v one sided, and I let the friendship drift off into nothing at that stage. I wouldn't put up with it if (a) I actually needed some support and (b) I didn't feel the friend needed an awful lot of support.

I don't mind if it's emotional support somebody's looking for. We all have problems at one time or another and it can make the world of difference having a sympathetic friend.

I find it difficult to sustain the friendship if someone is taking the piss with childcare, walking to school type things i.e. they want you to regularly help them but they are never there to help you.

I had a similar situation to you driving, friendship worked in the beginning, felt quite equal and normal etc Eventually I realised that I was being used for childcare and the 'friendly' side of things had evaporated.

I let the friendship slide as I felt quite humiliated if I'm honest that I was good enough to look after her dd but not good enough to go for a pint with

I do, but have recently pulled back from it to see what happens. My 'friend' is a funny, interesting, fun person that I thought I really clicked with when we met. Our children are the same age, our husbands get on very well. But the friendship has always been one sided and it has never moved on from that. In fact, even though I know she thinks of us as being good friends, she has dropped me at short notice when something better comes along more than once. I've come to the conclusion that she is basically someone who does what suits her at all times, and she didn't feel any need to put herself out to make anyone else happy. So when she wants to see me, it's great and we have a good time. But if I suggest anything to her when she's too busy etc, she never puts herself out or prioritises me in any way in her life. So I have concluded that I am into her more than she is into me and backed right off lately as a result. I'm actually keen to see if she ever gets in touch again! I recently had a genuine friend come back into my life recently, and it has totally shown me how one sided this other friendship is.