To not go to this birthday party?

[chicaguapa]

It’s my DN’s first birthday party tomorrow and I’ve said I’ll go but I really don’t want to see all the people that are going to be there.

I’ve been NC with my dad for over 2 years.
I’ve been NC with my sis for over a year.
I fell out with my ex step mum years ago and her parents are going to be there too –who hate me--.
I haven’t spoken to my bro since I went NC with my dad.

The only people I want to see are:
my other sis - whose baby is turning one and whose mum is my ex step mum
her BF – father of DN
my other bro
my SIL (married to lovely bro)

It’s 1.5 hrs drive from our house so it’s a long way to go for half an hour, so we’ll need to stay a while, and it’s a party just for family so no hiding with friends. And I just know that my dad will upset me by either ignoring me completely or trying to speak to me and then me being all cool with him as I want to stay NC and then feeling guilty.

But I would really like to go for my lovely sis as I remember what a big deal the PFB first birthday is. And I also feel like I don’t want the horrible part of my family to dictate when and where I can go. And I will be the only one that’s missing.

I haven’t really involved my lovely sis in the fallings out with the horrible part of my family, so it’s not really a conversation I want to have with her, particularly when she’s excited about her DD’s birthday.

I’ll probably just brazen it out, but I’m dreading it tbh.

Is the party in the afternoon? Could you maybe go in the morning and help your sis get ready for it? Does she know how you are feeling?

I would go for my sis who, as you say, is lovely and just accept it is going to be awful. Be nice to everyone, don't get upset by your dad no matter what, grin and nod.

Your sis will appreciate this a lot and better than any present you can give her. First birthdays are for the parents rather than baby.

I think Foslady's suggestion is a really good idea - offer to go early to help & see your DB, DN & SIL, then when it all gets a bit heavy you can make your excuses.
You could let your other DB and DS know your plan do if they want to catch up, come at the start?if its not as bad as you anticipate you might find you are happy to stay longer

Thanks.

Lovely sis doesn't know how I'm feeling as she hasn't been involved in all the fallings out.

It's at a venue and I can't get there until about 30 mins after it starts anyway as DC have something on in the morning. Otherwise that would have been a good plan.