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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be feeling embarrassed by where I live?

14 replies

harriethill · 20/09/2013 10:16

I am a regular but have named changed for this.

I live out of the UK, close to a European capital city in a flat in a not so nice commuter town. It has no redeeming features, industrial and not very pretty.

I have some friends coming to visit in a couple of months and to be honest I am dreading it. I feel embarrased by where we live and I can´t help but think they will think its a dump Sad

I know there are more important things in life other than where you live and yes I know you might say well if they think like that than they are not good friends etc, etc...I don´t see it like that, everybody is entitled to their opinion and you cant argue with the facts...

I know I am probably being shallow and should get a grip, it´s my problem, I should be concentrating on how nice it will be to have friends visit instead of focusing on where I live and getting upset about it

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lweji · 20/09/2013 10:19

Is your flat nice inside?
Comfortable and welcoming?
That is the most important thing.

Then, make sure to take them out of the commuter town and show them all the nice areas that are within commuting distance.

CocacolaMum · 20/09/2013 10:21

they are coming to visit YOU not your flat!

without knowing where you are I cannot say how a tourist would view it but I am sure its not that bad

mrsjay · 20/09/2013 10:22

maybe try and big up your flat as cultural Grin

seriously as long as your home is warm and welcoming then your friend wont care they know you live in a flat for whatever reasons and accept that, they are coming to see you not your house, organise days out etc it will be fine FWIW I hate living where i live too and get down about it sometimes

Original poster
harriethill · 20/09/2013 10:35

Thank you all Thanks

I agree that comfortable and welcoming are more important and yes I have to remember they are coming to visit ME and not my flat!!!

Lol at "big up your flat as cultural", thanks mrsjay

I knew I´d get worried the nearer it got and I know I will chringe when we pull up outside, will have to make sure we spend all plenty of time elsewhere!

OP posts:
mrsjay · 20/09/2013 10:37

do your friends have a nice house with a lovely garden and all that harrie

Original poster
harriethill · 20/09/2013 10:45

How did you guess mrsjay? Smile

OP posts:
mrsjay · 20/09/2013 10:46

that is usually the case yes we know it is daft they are our friends but....

I cant pass my flat off as cultural Grin

It was when my inlaws used to visit that it bothered me I did feel they were judging,

LessMissAbs · 20/09/2013 10:52

Lots of people in Europe live in flats. In most Northern European countries, there is an attitude that you shouldn't be too swanky, too boastful or show off too much. You are judged more on the way you behave, how you conduct yourself, what you achieve as an individual, what choices you make, as opposed to whether or not you live in a big house. In Swedish, there is a word for this - lagom.

In the Netherlands, my friends all preferred my 12 year old estate car, which was very practical, to my new Mercedes. Certainly in the Netherlands too, people tend not to rely on credit so much as the UK, and the economy is doing rather well. Its also considered quite bad for society to build and live in these massive new build housing estates so common in the UK, and in Belgium, people tend to build their own houses and do a lot of DIY to extend and improve, rather than mortgaging themselves up to the eyeballs to live in a Barratt 4 bed detached.

Different culture. Embrace it and enjoy what your city has to offer and what your flat living is doing for the amount of space other people have to enjoy in the countryside.

Crowler · 20/09/2013 10:53

What's your flat like?

I would guess if it has good food and some wine, your friends will be happy!

guiltyconscience · 20/09/2013 10:55

Yep concentrate on the positives defo, if you can't do thatand ares stil bricking it then take them sightseeing all over the city and pack the days so that they don't have time to come to your gaff.

Original poster
harriethill · 20/09/2013 16:42

LessMissAbs, thanks for such an enlightening view about other peoples attitudes. In the country I live the vast majority of people also live in flats.

Dare I say that its an English thing that living in a flat is less desirable? Most of my UK friends live in beautiful, large houses on new estates. I really like the Dutch/Swedish take that you mention Smile and it is so refreshing to learn that its not all about the building you live in.

My flat isn´t too bad on the inside, it´s old and a bit old-fashioned Blush but nice and big. The building itself is pretty grim looking and if you pulled up outside you might feel like carrying on driving Grin

But yes Crowler, good food and wine is no problem and like guiltyconscience says I will make sure we have plenty to do outside these four walls.

OP posts:
TVTonight · 20/09/2013 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoganMummy · 20/09/2013 16:55

I live in the UK but I know exactly how you feel. We live in the 'affordable' part of our town in a (very ugly on the outside) ex-council house and I always feel slightly embarrassed when certain 'friends' come round.

teenagetantrums · 20/09/2013 17:48

I live in council flat when I first moved in I was embarrassed and lied about where I lived to people at work, yes its not a great area and the flat is a bit grotty, but you know what no one really cared, now im not only living in a council flat but an unemployed single mother, and I just don't care anymore, friends wont judge you by where you live.

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