To think my mother shouldn't be going on about how my baby nephew hates nursery to my sister?

[Lighthousekeeping]

DN just started 2 mornings a week. He's 11 months. Diss has gone back to work. Something she never rushed to do after the first four she waited until the youngest was at school. Nine year gap one now she has a job she loves and is respected for. She has not liked sending the baby to nursery but we are only in the third week so she's preserving.

My mother, grandma, offered to picked him up from nursery and is already moaning. She rings me up to say he was crying when she picked him up. They let him sleep for two hours, he doesn't like the food, his socks are never on etc etc. she also tells my sister this . Honestly, would you want to know?

I think I would want to know. Grandma is obviously unhappy about his quality of care and I think that's important. By telling your sister I would think she's trying to encourage her to find alternative child care, not trying to make her feel guilty for going to work. If she didn't tell her and then your sister found out the nursery wasn't up to par I'm sure she'd be more upset with her for not saying anything

Who wouldn't want to know?

If your baby is unhappy at nursery, why would you want to hide your head in the sand?

Having said that, perhaps the baby's not that unhappy and is just settling in.

My dm made me feel guilty when I started dd at nursery, don't think it was totally intentional but saying the same sort of thing, I don't think any of the things you have mentioned would concern me about the care. A 2hr nap at 11m wouldn't seem excessive to me and lots of children don't like new food. We couldn't get dd to keep socks on when she was smaller. I ended up having to tell my dm to keep quiet as I had no worries about the care and she wasn't helping. It just takes time for them to settle there, unless there is some
Bigger issue about the care but these seem to be small issues.

It depends really. I mean if she has genuine concerns of course she should say. But it's early days and m&s she is just trying to make her feel guilty as in her day they stayed home then no I think she should keep quiet.

It's been two weeks re evaluate in a month

Maybe the nursery is crap?

Is your mother opposed to your DSIS leaving her baby while she works?

You know your mum the best.

What do you honestly think her intentions are?

I would want to know - it sounds like the nursery is crap, personally, rather than it's bad your sister sends him.

I think your sister needs to do a pick up and chat to the staff herself.

none of these things seem odd, 2 hour nap, no socks, doesn't like some of the food?? all normal.

Is she (your mum) genuinely concerned or just being a bit picky? Does she secretly think your sis shouldn't be working?

The things you mention don't seem very worrying.

The bottom line is my mother committed herself to picking him up twice a week and is now realising the effect on her social life. Surely he can't scream all of the five hours he's there? She said he cries himself to sleep on the mat! The poor baby is teething and has a really sore bum. I really do think he's under the weather and it's a coincidence he's just started nursery. My sister can't pick up. That's the point of my mother doing it.

Of course she thinks my sister shouldn't be working! She said as much to my brother in law who told her to keep her opinions to herself.

I'd give it a few more weeks. Perhaps if it isnt working out a childminder would be a better option. May be able to stay a little longer til your sister finishes work but will be in a more homely environment if that makes sense?

I do think your sister needs to take a couple of half day holidays to check out the situation for herself. DM's opinion doesn't sound very reliable because she's far from neutral but should still be investigated.

So she doesn't want to do the pick up any more?

Is she hoping that that will somehow make your sister give up work?

I'd want to know if my baby was unhappy.

But - socks not on? What's the problem If the baby is sleeping for 2 hours (surely a normal nap duration) then doesn't that suggest he is ok there? How does she know he doesn't like the food and cries himself to sleep? The nursery should discuss those issues with your sister if true.

The only thing that would bother me is an 11 month old sleeping on a mat. Under 18 months they should be in a cot imo.

Actually, I've just rang and he's screaming in the back ground. The other siblings are crowding him. She said he hasn't wanted to go down all afternoon and he has diarrhea and a sore mum and a couple of spots have appeared on his belly so she's called my sister to come home from work.

I'm going to ring her tonight and say that it's too much for her and she needs to tell my sister. I know what was going through her mind. She's due to retire and probably thought it would be some pocket money.

You know your mother and nephew best, but I'm not seeing enormous issues here. DD cried on pick up quite a bit at that age but was happy enough to be left. The keyworker told me that it's very common. She also used to be sockless a lot, the babies loved taking each others socks off and swapping them apparently!

She often sleeps for 2 hours even now at 20mo. I wasn't aware that this was odd in a still nightwaking baby!

Your sister needs to speak to nursery - but it sounds like the issues here may be your mums tbh