to be majorly upset :(

[extremepie]

Ok, quick background - DH and I have recently split up. We have 2 boys aged 6 & 5.
I have no family living near me and very few friends, since I only moved to this area last december.

Obviously I'm sad about the break up but it has been building up for a while and I feel like I've come to terms with that, what is really upsetting me at the moment is the fact that it is looking very likely I will have to give up my job :(

Before we split Dh was a SAHD and I worked full time but when we split he went to stay with friends and family where we moved from, nearly 300 miles away. He is coming back but not till next week and then says he will be looking for a job so wont be able to watch the boys very much :(

My sister is in the process of moving down here to be with her boyfriend and has just got a job too so she cant help much either - up until now she has been a saint and has babysat for me but will be unable to do so pretty much from now on.

What other options do I have? I work as a chef so I work late hours and earn only slightly more than minimum wage, aside from family/friends what else can I do for childcare? Or is giving up my job the only solution? I feel so stuck and I dont know what to do, I NEED my job, not just for the money but for the friendships I have made there, for the chance to feel productive and useful, I am miserable when I'm at home all the time.

AIBU to feel really upset at the prospect of having to give up my job, and with it any semblance of a life outside my house?

Really tricky, I can see why you're upset with having to stop work. My friend has an au pair as she works evenings and it only costs her £74 per week, is that something you could afford now your not having to pay for your partner? Once he's working he should be contributing to the pot to so maybe take that into consideration. If not, could you get chef work during the day when dc's are at school?

The childcare shouldn't all land on your shoulders btw, your job is just as important as his so maybe get together to discuss what you can work out together, could he not still have the boys a couple of nights a week if he gets a daytime job?

Or look for jobs in school kitchens? Especially in the light of the new free school meals in primaries.

The Au pair evening thing sounds good and tax credits will pay for the majority of it as long as she's registered.

My friend is a single mother chef, (busy at all the wrong times)

she has done a combination of having her two children temporarily share a room,

has an au pair, and an au pair english langue student person who has free bed and board in exchange for night time baby sitting, she uses her dinning room as her bedroom,

Will be converting the garage into two small bedrooms for au pairs, once the divorce is finalised.

She uses after school club and has found a retired nurse who does evening babysitting (group of grandmother aged women set up a sitting business)who does a good back up service.

I know it's hard, but try to juggle , it is hideous to start with, but it easier to continue in work, than to stop and try to get back in.

What hrs do you work?

Can he initially have interviews when you are not working?

What hrs is he hoping to work?

How much childcare will you need between you?

Is it possible to change your job? I know it sucks but trying to find a more child friendly hours job might mean you don't have to give up work altogether?

I have looked into getting chef jobs during the day but it is very difficult because 90% of chef jobs involve working in the evening & weekends, plus bank holidays & all those other awkward times! Especially when you live in a small ruralish town that doesnt have many jobs and you dont have any transport to travel far :/

£74 a week is defintately affordable for me Booby, especially if it will allow me to keep my job!

Thanks quote, its good to know I'm not the only one and that someone, somewhere has managed to make it work :)

My brother is a chef and he's now moved into food development - the company he works for develops ideas for supermarkets. Would this be an option for you?

It's much more 9-5, with occasional weekends when they're busy so definitely more family friendly.