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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to bring this up with preschool?

16 replies

emsyj · 18/09/2013 22:05

This morning, I was waiting to collect DD from preschool. There were perhaps 9 or 10 parents (plus other children) in the playground waiting at the same time. I have assumed that two of the people collecting were childminders, as they both come to school with several other children who all appear close in age but look fairly different from each other (i.e. not immediately obviously siblings).

This morning, I was standing next to the two women who I think are childminders. I wasn't actively listening to their conversation, but it is a small playground and they were talking fairly loudly (not in hushed whispers). One of them was discussing a mindee in respect of whom there is a dispute between the parents about who can collect and when. She mentioned a court order. I don't want to go into any further details, but suffice to say she was talking freely and for some time about what I consider to be private matters between the child's parents. I felt quite uncomfortable that I had heard any of this (she didn't name the child or parents, but she had 2 children with her and was collecting a 3rd so it could have easily been one of them - may not have been, I don't know, I have no idea what the ratios are).

I just think it is enormously unprofessional, inappropriate and just plain wrong to even be mentioning the existence of such a dispute to anyone at all - and I am wondering whether to say something to the preschool, although I don't know what they would do about it really. If I was one of the parents concerned, I would be furious at my business being discussed in the playground. I use a childminder myself for my own DCs and I am 200% confident that she would never do this. Am I being precious? If I was a parent of one of her mindees, I would want to know that she was doing this (regardless if I was the subject of her gossip or not) - but maybe IABU and I should just ignore it. Clearly if I had the guts I should have tapped her on the shoulder and told her myself that the walls have ears, but I am too cowardly and the moment has passed now. Should I just forget it? It's none of my business really, is it?

OP posts:

CocacolaMum · 18/09/2013 22:09

so you eavesdropped on a conversation but you don't know who they were talking about and you want to report that to the preschool? I am confused?

kinkyfuckery · 18/09/2013 22:12

So you heard them openly talking about mindees and parents and pickups, but yet only assume they are childminders because they come with a lot of children? Huh?

Original poster

emsyj · 18/09/2013 22:14

Oh I wondered how long it would take for the 'eavesdropping' thing to come up . They were standing next to me, they were talking fairly loudly, it's a small section of playground set aside for the preschool etc... I wasn't actively listening I just overheard.

I am wondering whether it is unreasonable to report to the preschool that a childminder is discussing private details of her mindee's parents with another childminder in the playground in front of other parents. Maybe it is, that's why I'm asking. I would be angry if it was my childminder doing this and would want to know about it - it is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional IMO.

OP posts:

Original poster

emsyj · 18/09/2013 22:16

I had previously to today assumed they were childminders having seen them with various children a number of times over the last few weeks. The other lady who was talking didn't mention anything about mindees/parents etc, I am just assuming she is also a childminder (although that doesn't really matter anyway).

OP posts:

TigOldBitties · 18/09/2013 22:18

Good god no.

Beak out!

It is not the preschool's job to police the conversation or professional relationships of those in the playground.

Yes maybe the parents would be unhappy for this woman to be discussing their business, but no harm caused by them not knowing. You 'report' it and what is going to happen, the preschool will have to identify which child it is, (maybe they get that wrong and private business is even more shared) alert the parents and say a woman overheard a portion of a conversation and she really only knows about 15% of what's going on but just wanted to let you know. Think of it as if you've seen the minder giving the child a fruit shoot, you wouldn't be pleased if it was your DC but really not worth reporting.

PenguinBear · 18/09/2013 22:21

Tbh I wouldn't say anything as I don't think there is anything the pre-shool can do.
If you knew the childminder's name, you could always report to Ofsted if you felt her conduct was unprofessional or just ring them for advice and see what they advise :).

greenbananas · 18/09/2013 22:23

If you are worried about this, you could call your local childminding development officer (usually employed by the county, Google will tell you the name of your local officer). Won't be much use unless you have names, but they could bring it up informally with the childminders concerned.

I don't really see what the preschool could do as this is totally out of their jurisdiction.

I think you are right to be concerned. As a childminder myself, I think those women were breaching confidentiality.

Original poster

emsyj · 18/09/2013 22:24

I think you're right, TigOldBitties - it is nothing to do with the preschool at all really. Maybe if I hear her doing it again I will tell her myself. I guess I take confidentiality issues pretty seriously, possibly because of my professional background, it really made me angry. I wouldn't have expected them to alert parents particularly, maybe just say something to the childminder herself about needing to be careful what she says in public places, but that's totally not their job and I guess if I am so offended by something she is doing then I need to put my big girl pants on and say it myself.

Think I will just stand very far away from her in future.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 18/09/2013 22:29

You have no idea who they were talking about, yet you want to report them for openly talking about someone!

YABU

TigOldBitties · 18/09/2013 22:30

I think that's best.

If you have the courage and conviction to confront someone don't necessarily expect it to go well over an issue then go ahead, but you have to be careful when involving other agencies, what can they really do, what are you expecting to happen as a result and realistically will it happen.

Moxiegirl · 18/09/2013 22:33

Why would pre school care? Just keep out of it, nothing to do with you
although I would be listening as I'm a nosey sod

Original poster

emsyj · 18/09/2013 22:45

MammaTJ, I don't know this childminder myself because my children are not yet in full time school and I use someone who is in another area - but in general, the childminders locally are well known to parents at the school as there are about 6 of them who do school pick-up and drop-off. It is highly possible that one or more of the other parents in the playground would know exactly who her mindees are and would know or be able to work out who she was talking about.

I would imagine also that the woman she was talking to would know who she was talking about, although that is an assumption - she may not have named which mindee she was referring to, but they are together and chatting in the playground most days so I would think she would both know the other's mindees.

I don't think it is acceptable for her to be talking openly about issues between the parents in this way. She has no idea who might hear. For all she knows, the parents in question might be my neighbours, my closest friends, relatives...

I will steer well clear of her in future. As clear as the tiny playground allows, anyway!

OP posts:

BigFatCushion · 18/09/2013 22:50

I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard time on here op. It's like hearing hcps discussing patients.... You always hope nobody speaks about you like that behind your back.

I don't think there's anything you can do in this situation though; but if it happens again maybe just have an 'ahem' type throat clear to let them know they're not being very discreet?

hettienne · 18/09/2013 22:54

What are the pre-school going to do about it? What would you like them to do?

You don't know the name of the childminder, child or parents so I would stay out of it.

pigletmania · 18/09/2013 23:28

Keep shtuum and say nothing, don't cause trouble

wingardiumoffthesofa · 18/09/2013 23:32

You are being slated unfairly I think OP.

I had a childminder who seemed very highly respected, had brilliant ofsted ratings and was very much in demand, but she was a huge gossip. She would share details of her other attendees with me when I picked up, and the only details that were worth her reporting were those that applied to kids or parents who had some degree of issues.

I found it hugely inappropriate when I picked up my daughter to be told 'it's been awful wing, xxchild has done such and such, the school told me when i picked him up, xxparent has said such and such'.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. TBH though all you can do is steer clear and/or vote with your feet. I really don't think reporting it to the pre-school would help. I guess you could consider ofsted though. I didn't think there was anything interesting my CM could have gossiped about me or DD2 but I hated the idea of her doing so and we left.

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