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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to ask my friend to lay off ge pregnancy texts after my miscarriage?

17 replies

justhayley · 18/09/2013 21:50

Hiya,
I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago, it was early days (5 weeks) but I had been trying for ages and was/am devastated.
My best friend is 30 weeks pregnant and a few days after my miscarriage she text me a photo of her 4D scan! I burt into tears and did tell her that I wish she would have waited even a week o show me. She would never want to upset me but lives in her own world and sometimes just doesn't think. Since then iv had quite a few texts with her moaning about how uncomfortable she is and do I have any pregnancy advice about sore hips back etc etc (I have a 17 month old DS).
Although the scan text upset me, I was still really excited to see it, but her texts moaning about how much she's hating being pregnant now are really pissing me off and I think considering it's only been 2 weeks since my mc she's being quite insensitive.
AIBU if I ask her not to text me about the bad stuff for a while?
She's my best friend and I'm going to love her baby to pieces, but right now I could do without someone going on about hating being pregnant when thats all I want to be Sad

Thanks xxx

OP posts:
JumpingJackSprat · 18/09/2013 21:51

definitely not unreasonable!

HarryTheHungryHippo · 18/09/2013 21:53

Nope yanbu at all

CocacolaMum · 18/09/2013 21:53

I am sure you are right in that your friend is in her own little bubble but you need to do what feels right for you. Don't ask her this over text - sit her down and let her see how devastated you are about your miscarriage. As a friend I am sure she will want to help you x

I am so sorry for your loss

rach6122 · 18/09/2013 21:53

Yanbu she should be more sensitive

Yonididnaedaethat · 18/09/2013 21:54

No nip it in the bud just now! I was due the same week as my friend, sadly I miscarried Hmm. One morning I woke up to a text of her bump! it was like a kick in the teeth.

HopeS01 · 18/09/2013 21:54

I'm so sorry for you, OP. I don't think YABU, but your friend probably doesn't realise how insensitive she's being; we're probably all a bit guilty of self-centredness when we're pregnant. I would just mention to her that you're still really struggling, I'm sure she will totally understand and feel terribly guilty Sad

Just talk to her, she's your best friend Smile

Again, I'm so sorry for you.
x Stay strong x

SantanaLopez · 18/09/2013 21:54

I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds so insensitive. Do you have a mutual friend who could have a word?

LaBelleMadamePingouinSansMerci · 18/09/2013 21:56

YANBU

She sounds like she's being very insensitive...is it possible she keeps telling you how much she hates being pregnant as a misguided attempt at trying to make you feel better about not being pregnant anymore?

I think you need to tell her how you feel.

selsigfach · 18/09/2013 21:57

What a bitch, your "friend" needs a good whack with a tact stick. I'm so sorry that you've lost your baby. Please don't diminish your loss - being "only" 5 Weeks along doesn't make it any easier. You are allowed to feel as devastated as you are.
So yanbu, text away, and be blunt about it. She clearly has no thoughts for your feelings. I'd keep a wide Beth if I were you for a bit: the only thing worse than hearing pregnant ladies complaining is hearing mums complaining about their babies. And telling you how lucky you are not to have children when they know you've broken your heart miscarrying.

selsigfach · 18/09/2013 21:59

Berth, not Beth!

karinmaria · 18/09/2013 22:00

YADNBU. I'm sorry you're going through this and having to deal with a friend who is so selfish she can't think for 30 seconds before sending a text that it might not be the best thing to send.

If you can be bothered, try to talk to her and explain why you feel this way. Although you shouldn't have to. Grrr.

penguin73 · 18/09/2013 22:01

Huge sympathy, I went through similar with my sister-in-law being pregnant when I miscarried. My OH had a chat with my brother about it and they were devastated as they hadn't realised the hurt they were causing. Definitely let her know how you are feeling.

MsVestibule · 18/09/2013 22:02

YANBU but don't be too hard on her. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time (I was a few months further on than her). She had a MC at 12 weeks, and looking back, although of course I was very sympathetic, I was nowhere near as tactful as I should have been.

I do cringe a bit now. I can only blame pregnancy hormones as I don't think I'm normally that self centred. Just tell her that although you're sorry she's uncomfortable, it's still a bit raw and to complain to somebody else about her pregnancy symptoms.

MikeOxard · 18/09/2013 22:04

Tbh, I think it's six of one and half a dozen of the other. I'm really sorry for your loss, but I assume you posted on AIBU for genuine responses? In which case, this is her life right now, she is really uncomfortable, and she's sharing that with you as her friend. If you can't be her friend right now because that hurts to hear, then fine, tell her so and leave each other alone for the next 3 months or however much time you need.

oohdaddypig · 18/09/2013 23:20

Huge sympathy to you OP

I don't think your feelings are unreasonable at all but I wonder whether in a bizarre way she feels like she is helping by "normalising" things. Which clearly is no help at all but maybe it needs pointing out?

If not then I think she is being incredibly insensitive....

leezl · 18/09/2013 23:47

JustHayley, I remember you from the Conception boards. So sorry to hear of your loss

josiejay · 18/09/2013 23:54

YANBU. She is being hugely insensitive. So sorry for your loss.

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