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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

party etiquette question.

20 replies

froken · 18/09/2013 17:09

Aibu to hand out than you cards at someone else's party?

Dp has a huge family, ds had a naming ceremony this summer and we have finally got ourselves organised printed some thank you cards.

We are going to dp's cousin's baby's first baby and most of the people who were at the naming ceremony will be at the 1st birthday.

I could go round posting the cards to the family members but there are hoards of them and I don't have much spare time this week.

OP posts:

SimplyRedHead · 18/09/2013 17:13

I think it would be lovely to give them out face to face and as long as you don't interrupt the singing of 'happy birthday' to make a thank you announcement you should be fine!

BrokenSunglasses · 18/09/2013 17:16

Personally, I would post them. I don't think handing them out at the party would be wrong, but knowing how precious some people get about their PFBs first party, I'd err on the side of caution just in case.

If you really want to hand them out at the party, do it discreetly as you or others are leaving. I definitely wouldn't do it as you arrive, that could come across as if you're trying to take attention away from the birthday child.

It really depends on whether the hosts are laid back or are likely to be offended, only you know!

Pixieonthemoor · 18/09/2013 17:17

I think it would be ok but only as long as you do it in a subtle way. Don't draw attention and it should be fine.

iWantChampagneOnColaBudget · 18/09/2013 17:22

tbh, i would ask the parents before hand, a simple 'really looking forward to xxxxxxs party coming up, hope you dont mind me asking if i hand out some thankyou cards while we're there' and go on their answer

dyslexicdespot · 18/09/2013 17:31

No, I would not hand them out. The focus of the party should be on their LO. The same applies when people want to announce their engagement at someone else's wedding- bad form!

dyslexicdespot · 18/09/2013 17:32

No, I would not hand them out. The focus of the party should be on their LO. The same applies when people want to announce their engagement at someone else's wedding- bad form!

dyslexicdespot · 18/09/2013 17:32

opps...

DamnBamboo · 18/09/2013 17:33

Don't do it.
don't in any way hijack another person's party for your own gain - in this case to save on stamps, make life easier etc...

Bad bad form

Original poster

froken · 18/09/2013 17:59

Thanks for the replies :)

It is more to avoid the hassle of finding out everyone's address and correctly writing all the addresses, I'm dyslexic and addresses are difficult for me, I think it's the mixture of numbers and words.

I really wouldn't want to offend the host of the party. She is lovely. some family members mil and grand-mil make constant comparisons between our ds and hers, her ds is older by 3 months but he is not as confident as my ds physically. The family say how lovely my ds is and how we are lucky our ds doesn't have a flat head like cousin's ds or that we are lucky our ds has their family's blue yes unlike cousin's ds. It makes me feel really really uncomfortable and sad
that they are like this after thinking about it I think it's best to avoid anything that could draw attention to ds.

OP posts:

meditrina · 18/09/2013 18:06

I would post them.

Handing out a pre-printed note with identikit thanks will seem dreadfully impersonal. People will realise what you're doing and perhaps tumble to it that everyone's getting the same; and at would really take the meaning out of the gratitude for the specific gift each donor selected.

Of course, if you had handwritten, individual letters, I think you might get away with it (especially with muttered apologies about unaffordability of postage). But with printed cards it's a no-no.

Cupcake1985 · 18/09/2013 18:12

No. I would be annoyed especially as they're so close in age. It might feel to them like you will always be doing such things rather than it being a one off. It's a pain though I agree but you'll need all the addresses in the future for other thank you cards etc

mrspremise · 18/09/2013 18:12

froken you sound lovely, a very sensitive and considerate person Maybe you could take them with you and just discreetly give them to people as they leave ? I work with children with dyslexia and people often don't realise how challenging something like writing an address on an envelope can be. I think it's great that you're doing thank you notes, so many people seem not to bother anymore

Original poster

froken · 18/09/2013 18:33

Everyone lives close so one day next week me and ds can go for a long walk and deliver the letters :)

They are just printed out but that is what we have been sent as thankyous from tge recent weddings and graduation party we have been to so I think that is what is expected :)

OP posts:

ThisTimeItsPersonal · 18/09/2013 18:33

Sorry if this is a silly thing to say but can't DH do his families thank you cards?

I don't see a problem with you handing them out at the party if you do it at the end, don't make a big deal and ask them first!

manicinsomniac · 18/09/2013 18:36

I'm amazed that people could care about something like this! Not in a snarky way, just genuinely really surprised. If I was in your position it wouldn't even have occured to me that this could annoy or upset.

MN is a wonderful thing at times, glad you've got some helpful responses!"

Floggingmolly · 18/09/2013 18:45

They all live within walking distance... You would have been doubly unreasonable to hijack the other party with thank you's for yours.

Original poster

froken · 18/09/2013 19:24

But there are so many of them! They will all want me to come in for tea and cake and I will be too full to walk home!!

OP posts:

dyslexicdespot · 18/09/2013 19:26

manicinsomniac has highlighted one of the things I find so interesting about Mumsnet as well. It provides an insight into the norms of various social groups.

ANomNomNom · 18/09/2013 19:28

Why don't you ask the host of the party? I bet they won't mind.

Original poster

froken · 18/09/2013 20:07

I worry that if I ask they would never say no but they might actually mind and it might raise the issue for them.

If I just gave them out I don't think the hosts would actually notice, they would be too busy hosting the party.

But I think giving them out at a seperate time is the best solution :)

OP posts:

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