DC (12) is severely disabled, confined to a wheelchair & has learning difficulties, has never walked independently and never will. He had to have major surgery...recovered from this but never got back his full mobility. We have just been told he needs further surgery.
DH has hurt his back (from lifting DS) & is in a lot of pain....has also had some upsetting family issues recently. He takes a lot of his upset out on me as there is nobody else.
As DS is so dependent we had to pay for specialist care over the summer holidays, and an adventure holiday for DS with other special needs children. The rest of the time we took time off work to care for DS. So we have not had a family holiday together - haven't had one for years as we can't afford it in terms of time or money.
I had to leave my job in a hurry early this year as was bullied at work....found a temporary assignment which will end later this year. DH & I both need to work to cover mortgage etc, I am scared I won't find another job.
I have worked hard to get a professional qualification; just one module to go and I will be finished. But I am losing heart again and feel like giving up. Am trying unsuccessfully to get something more long term.
I sometimes get panic attacks which literally take my breath away...feel nauseous, have a metallic taste in my mouth, my train of thought is lost, I lose short term memory. I went to the GP who prescribed anti depressants and referred for counselling...I am still waiting. Paying for it myself is not an option when I could be out of work in a few weeks.
I think I am coping - i have DS so it is not an option not to cope. But it seems all wrong that life is so hard, I want everything else (work, family, studies etc) to just take care of itself so I can focus on DS. DS is so happy in his nature despite everything and despite all the (further) pain he is going to have to go through he loves life. He deserves so much more from me. I so wish that things would get easier