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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that have dc1 in daycare for 30 hours a week is too much if you are at home on parental leave with dc2?

47 replies

froken · 17/09/2013 19:17

The country where I live gives very subsidised full time childcare (about 25 pounds for 60 hours childcare a month food included) for children from 1 year. This is all great and lovely.

Previously all children who were over one but too young for school who had parents on parental leave (paid by the state) with a baby sibling were entitled to 15 hours a week subsidised childcare (a % of the 25 pounds, so it would work out around 6/7 pounds per week.)

I think it is nice to give parents the time to take the new baby to baby swimming and singing classes and also good for dc1 to still have their friends at daycare to play with.

Now the rules have changed and a child who's parents are on parental leave are entitled to 30 hours subsidised childcare.

I was talking to MIL who had 4 children at home at the same time with no extra help, for once me and MIL seemed to agree that 30 hours is excessive?

AIBU to think that is you are at home anyway (for 18 months!) your dc 1 does not need 30 hours a week of subsidised childcare?

I only have 1 dc at the moment so I am wondering if I am underestimating the amount of support you need with 2/3/4 dc?

OP posts:
MissOtisRegretsMadam · 17/09/2013 19:18

Where do you live????

MortifiedAdams · 17/09/2013 19:20

I would like to live there!

It is great for parents to be able to spend quality time with their second and subsequent borns that they did with the first.

Retroformica · 17/09/2013 19:27

I wouldn't put my 1 or 2 year old in childcare for 30 hours a week. I would put a 2.5 year old in for 7 hours or so maybe!

Oblomov · 17/09/2013 19:27
Shock Sounds fab. Can you take part of the 30 hours?
AnyaKnowIt · 17/09/2013 19:29

But why take the first child out of their routine?

Retroformica · 17/09/2013 19:29

it would be a real help if mum was finding second baby tricky and struggling with PND

thebody · 17/09/2013 19:31

god where do you live? sounds fantastic to me.

milkysmum · 17/09/2013 19:36

No I don't think your child needs to be in childcare for 30 hours if a parent is at home- where on earth do you live though where this is provided- not the UK I'm sure!

Original poster
froken · 17/09/2013 19:37

I live in Sweden, do come, it's dark for half of the year but you get lots of help as a family.

I think retro's point about age is good, kids don't start school till 6 here and a 5/6 year old probably needs 30 hours of social stimulation, if you have a small age gap (18 months) the first child would go from being at home all the time with mum/dad to being in 30 hours of daycare whilst the new baby was at home, that might be sad for dc1.

You can just take a few hours here and there so that would be the best idea with 2 small children maybe.

I will probably get a non sleeping dc2 and mil will tut as I put dc1 in daycare for 30 hours!

OP posts:
digerd · 17/09/2013 19:41

Do you get 18 months state maternity pay, then and subsidised childcare for your other DC under school age? Do you not get pay from your employer when intending to return to work?
Intriguing which country this isEnvy.
However, I worry that the older DC will feel pushed out and excluded/unwanted at home being in childcare for 30 hours a week for 18 months after a new baby is born Hmm

KoalaFace · 17/09/2013 19:44

I'm becoming a Swedephile! It sounds like a lovely place all around.

I'm horrific at foreign languages though. They'd all hate me.

thegoldenfool · 17/09/2013 19:46

i am in the next door country and at home with dc2 (1 month) dc1 (2 years) at nursery almost full time, about 300 quid per month

she had been going there whilst dp and i worked and we thought she should stay when were on maternity/paterniy leave so we could keep the place, she could keep the routine as we will both go back to work, she keeps up the language which we don´t speak and dc2 gets one to one time

also it´s easier for me Grin

dollybird · 17/09/2013 19:46

My DS was at nursery 2 days a week anyway when I had DD (15m age gap) and we added an extra day for a few weeks which was a great help, but it was only for a few weeks. I wouldn't have taken him out as it was his routine to go the two days. I went back to work when DD was 6mo so it wasn't long that he was there while I was home with her.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 17/09/2013 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witters · 17/09/2013 19:51

Envy just... Envy

Engelsemama · 17/09/2013 19:52

When I have DC2 I will keep DC1 in nursery or risk losing his place for when I return to work. That may be a consideration for some parents.

catgirl1976 · 17/09/2013 19:53
Envy

Mind you, don't they pay about 900% income tax?

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/09/2013 19:53

I don't understand why it is deemed so important to have quality one-to-one time with a first born, but second and subsequent children.... They can just tag along with their elder siblings, hey.

hettienne · 17/09/2013 19:53

Depends on the age of the sibling. DS at 2 would have enjoyed going to nursery every morning, maybe 15 hours. He will be 3.5 when DC2 is born and will be going to nursery 20 hours a week. A child of 4 or 5 would be in school 30 hours a week here.

sparkle12mar08 · 17/09/2013 19:56

Meh. I sent ds1 to the childminders four full days (8-5) a week when I was on mat leave with ds2. We could afford it, he loved it, I loved the one on one with ds2. Sue me.

ILikeBirds · 17/09/2013 19:56

It's why articles like the one that appeared this week really irritate me with quotes like this "They said national policies should be reassessed to make them more similar to education systems in Scandinavia."

So they want to put back the school age to 6 or 7 and conveniently forget the fact that in Scandinavia most children are in full time, heavily subsidised child care from age 1+

MortifiedAdams · 17/09/2013 19:57

Can anyone tell.me any negatives for living in Sweden? Otherwise im.off!

coffeewineandchocolate · 17/09/2013 19:58

I'm due on April and my ds will continue to go to his cm for 30 hours per week. This is for a number of reasons- to give me time with new baby like I had with ds, to keep his place open for when I go back to work, but mainly because he loves it and it keeps him in a secure and familiar routine when there are lots of other changes in his life.

Yabu to make a sweeping statement when every family and child have differing needs

MrsOakenshield · 17/09/2013 19:59

DD has done 30 hours a week since she was 3 (before that 20 hours) - 10 hours a day, 3 days a week. Those are the days that both DH and I work, and we can't get to and from work any quicker.

I don't really see the problem. That's 3 full days (if that's how you do it) that someone gets to spend with their second baby. Given that they would have spend 7 days a week with their first, the second is still being shortchanged!

Some people may really struggle with 2 children, just because your MIL didn't doesn't mean everyone is like her. I would think there are probably a lot less stressed parents, and content children playing with their friends, because of this.

HandMini · 17/09/2013 20:04

But are you objecting because (a) you think it's a waste of state resources to offer the 30 hours or (b) your parenting approach is that a pre school child shouldn't be away from its parents for that many hours?