To be upset over DH breaking DS's football?

[AveryJessup]

I can't stop crying over this so need to ask if I ABU. Background is tense relationship with my parents who have been weird to me since DS was born, largely because they are religious and I'm not and am not baptizing DS.

Anyway, I took DS (2)home for a visit to see my parents and we got on better than usual and they were kind to him. It made me happy to see them having fun with him. My father got my DS a little football, just some cheap thing but to me it was a sign that they cared about him. My father is a passionate football supporter so I thought it was nice that he got DS a ball to play with. My father was in a serious accident last year and is looking aged now. It'll be at least a year until I see my parents again, maybe more because we live abroad.

Anyway, we are packing to go home and DH says we can't fit the football in the bags so we'll have to deflate it. I asked him if he was sure because it might burst and said I'd rather keep it inflated and just wedge it into the suitcase somehow. He insists that it's fine and we can reinflate it again.

So the valve on the ball breaks while DH is messing with it and now the ball is burst . DS is asleep right now and is probably too young to care, DH said sorry for bursting it but I am like a child here crying about it. I am really upset because it's the only present I had for my DS from my father whereas the house is full if expensive toys from DH's parents. I just wanted my DS to have something from my parents for once.

So should I just pull myself together and forget it or is it OK to be upset about this? DH says he is fed up of me being annoyed at him all the time over nothing. I have been a bit over emotional on this trip, to be fair, and have been on edge.

Yanbu to be a bit upset yabu to not be able to stop crying over this

Oh dear, I think you are just a bit stressed and it's coming out over something that really shouldn't make you so upset.

Have a cup of tea

Are you upset about your fathers ill health and the fact you rarely see them rather than the football?

Well, you feel how you feel but of course it's not about the football perse.

I would talk to my DH about the other stuff - not the football as that was an accident.

per se

Are you crying a lot at the moment?

Yes, I think it's all the other stuff in the background. Every time I look at the banjaxed football, I feel a lump in my throat. It's ridiculous! It just really meant a lot to me that my father bought my DS something. He is not a very demonstrative person.

I do think that you are over reacting, to be honest. It was an accident. Unfortunate, but nothing more.

If you are upset then you are fully entitled to those feelings. Crying is only a problem if it's being put on to manipulate someone.

I can understand where you're coming from, you didn't want to risk deflating the ball and your opinion was overruled, now something that matters to you is broken. You will feel better in time, and you recognise that your dp didn't intend to break it. I think YANBU to cry, but YABU if you go on at your dp, he didn't mean it. He is BU to bring up past issues and imply that you're not entitled to your feelings.

Understandable that you are very upset but it's more to do with the history of your family relationship and what the football means as a sign of positivity.

By you crying so much you are making your DH feel even worse than he probably is. He has apologized but it's time to move on. Look at this as a good turning point And stop Marring it with the crying.