Should I stay or should I go?

[GruffBillyGoat]

Feeling very low at the moment and have been debating whether or not to post for the better part of the past 24 hours.

Long story short (I hope), this weekend my partner of two years, who a little over a month ago proudly announced that he had begun saving for an engagement ring, announced that he was not happy and wanted to go to university. I said that I would support him and follow him where ever he needed to go. He said that he did not want me to come with him and dumped me.

I was incapable of speech at this point and arranged to go to a friends house for the night, under the agreement that he would have moved out of our house by the time I returned the next day. It was just a give in that the dog, cat, flat and all responsibility would remain with me.

The next day I return and he is still here. I go to the bedroom and lie in bed for hours crying and trying to sleep. He regularly enters and tells me how this is the hardest thing he has ever had to do, blah blah blah, he wants to make things work. Says that we can stay together but I have to be willing to give up our pets (my babies) in order to move for him.

I told him that I would go anywhere with him except Auckland (the home of 1/3 of the population, and as an incredibly unsociable country girl I would suffocate there) and that I would give up my babies only if every effort had been made to try and take them with us and it was truly impossible. He agreed and a decision was made for us all to move to Dunedin so that he could enroll in the University of Otago.

Two days later and still hurting from being dumped, I feel completely unloved, he has made no effort to be nice to me all cuddles have been instigated by me. I was yelled at for losing the cord to his dressing gown and more than one comment has been made about how he is not allowed to go to the University of Auckland.

I love him, and until a few days ago I thought that he loved me, but now I am lost. It would be impossible for him to not notice how depressed I am at the moment but he has made no attempt to make me feel any better, and I can't help but feel that if we move south as planned he will resent me forever. What do I do? Do I stay and wait to find out if the man I love really does love me back, or leave knowing that either way I will be miserable?

Also the song do I stay or do I go now has been stuck in my head for days so I am losing my mind.

And that was not short at all I'm sorry.

Cut your losses and move on. Do not allow yourself to be walked over, I am sorry this is happening, tell him to go, tonight.

For me I would ask him to leave. Why should you constantly have to do what he wants, when he does nothing to think of you.

Go. He's made it clear that even compromising isn't good enough for him.

You are having doubts. I don't blame you.

I think you need to sit and talk to him for a while and find out what was really behind his sudden decision to split up with you.

perhaps you could explain to him that you have been left feeling very insecure and would prefer him to move out for a while so that you can have a good think about your future.

OP go and find your self respect and dump the loser. Find someone who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

He dumps you, quite unceremoniously, then says he wants to make it work by asking you to get rid of your pets and making fun of your not wanting to move to one (fricking huge) city?

Let him move to wherever the heck he wishes. I'd be staying put and pushing him out of the door with my boot. Quickly.

I'm sorry if that's blunt, but it sounds like he's doesn't even consider your feelings.

OR

Maybe he's having a crisis. Maybe he can't tell you what he's really feeling. Maybe you need to sit down calmly and have a long talk with him and see what's behind this sudden change in behaviour.

Only you know him and your relationship well enough to judge which is the most likely.

He should go.

He has shown no consideration for your feelings and is expecting you to bend over backwards to accommodate him.

Even that, it would seem, is not enough.

It sounds like he is making all the decisions, about where you live, about the pets. He sounds very controlling.

Normally he is not controlling, in fact our biggest issue is, well was, that he will keep quiet and go along with whatever I say rather than speaking up and telling me what he really thinks. He followed me here when I wanted to move down to be with my grandmother in her final weeks, and we got the dog because I wanted one (though the cat is all his doing).

He just seems unwilling to truly talk to me and be honest, like he is afraid of how I will react. Which makes me feel like I must be a psychotic bitch if he is afraid to speak up when he disagrees with me.

I would happily follow him (anywhere but fucking Auckland) but can't escape this feeling that he does not love me. What if he is once again just trying to make me happy, and ends up resenting me for keeping him from the "best" university in the country. How long before I know if he is lying to me or to himself?

He clearly is not bothered enough by my obvious depression to try and say or do anything to try to comfort me. He does not seem to want to touch me, and seems pretty unattracted to me. Apart from the first hour or so he does not seem to show any enthusiasm for this new life together we are supposedly planning.

I think I need to face the facts that he is unwilling to admit, he clearly does not love me and will not be happy with me no matter how hard to tries. I have not been to bed tonight, when I am depressed it is always either insomnia or the ability to sleep for 24 hours. When he wakes up I will have to tell him to go to Auckland, and then start picking up the pieces.

On the bright side the pets seem to be snubbing him, the dog will not come when he calls and the cat climbs over him to cuddle with me. Gotta love my babies.

stick to your pets you know where you are with them

Sorry, dear Gruff, but to me it seems obvious there's no hope for this relationship. Right now, seems to be all give (on your part) and all take (on his part). Not good. Tell him to go, because it's not going to work. And remember - animals have a huge ability to 'pick up' on things, and they've obviously got his measure!

Best of luck with it all.

Would it help to play "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor at top volume?

You both want different things. These are not just whims. You are incompatible. It is 'killing him' not to go to Auckland uni and it would 'kill you' to live in Auckland. I am so sorry, but this will not work.

You stick with your animals, love. Twats like him get jealous of children too. Massive red flags!

I could be moving to dubai (we'll see - fingers crossed) if Dh gets a job out there. The deal breaker was the dog - not the kids, Dh or anything else. I've had the dog 13 years and I told my Dh if I couldn't take the dog then I couldn't go! Have since found out that its a doddle to take the dog! My Dh has told me since that he felt the same haha! Stick with the animals - things don't sound right!

Kick him out and buy another pet

It's morning now. Got dammit I wish he would just grow a pair and end it himself, I don't want to have to start the conversation in this state. He is the one who doesn't love me anymore why do I have to be the grown up, because I am the idiot who still loves him and wants him to be happy. God I'm stupid.

He doesn't start work till 12 so won't be awake for hours. Would it be wrong to pop down to maccas in my dressing gown and froggy pyjamas for something greasy?

I can't leave my dog, I believe that when you get a pet they are your responsibility for life you can't just fob them off when your circumstances change. Also I think that I am the only person in the world who could love my dog, she is rather over the top even for a staffy lab.