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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu To want a card on my Silver Wedding Anniversary?

14 replies

apprenticemum · 17/09/2013 10:17

Yesterday was my Silver Wedding Anniversary and I received one card from my parents| (who I am currently not on speaking terms with...long story for another time). DH, DD(13) and MIL (who lives with us and has gone away for the week) gave no card. MIL did leave a birthday card for DH who's birthday is tomorrow!
DH and I did go away for the weekend. I booked it, packed, arranged childcare and he paid for it. It would have been perfect if DH hadn't commented on our way home that for the cost of the Hotel, we could have gone to Amsterdam for the weekend. I pointed out that I didn't want to go to Amsterdam..been there, done that!
I have told DH time and again that I don't give a flying F**k about recieving a gift, what means the most to me is that he has taken the trouble to go to a card shop and select a card that reflect his sentiment. What is so hard about that! Birthdays, Valentines, Christmas and now this, all cardless. I could weep with frustration.
Rant over!

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 17/09/2013 10:25

YANBU. I think most 13yo's wouldn't think about buying a card, but your DH should. However, if he's never done this for birthdays or Christmas, he's not likely to change now, is he? I do think it's very sad that he can't be bothered to walk into a card shop, spend 5 minutes choosing and paying for a nice card, then another 5 minutes writing it out when he knows how much it would mean to you.

Thanks for your anniversary and well done for making it this far.

Original poster
apprenticemum · 17/09/2013 14:41

I suppose not...but since I tell him every time that all I would like is a nice heartfelt card, you would think that after 25 years worth, it might have got through. If nothing else it would be sooo much cheaper in the long run!

OP posts:
Familyguyfan · 17/09/2013 15:18

My parents are about to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary. Yet again, despite my best efforts, my father will not buy a card or a gift and my mother will be upset. Every anniversary becomes a war zone but my father honestly can't be bothered. He doesn't see the value of cards and nothing will convince him otherwise. I'm already bracing myself for the fallout. YANBU!

Original poster
apprenticemum · 17/09/2013 20:56

What is it about blokes? So your Dad dosen't see the value in buying cards for your Mum....as I said to my DH "you don't need to understand, just accept that it brings deep joy for such a small thing". Now if I was asking him to cut one of his balls off, I could understand the resistance!

OP posts:
scoobydooagain · 17/09/2013 21:00

You got a trip much better than a card but can kind of see why you wanted your husband to get you one but why would anyone else? I have no idea when anyone got married and only vaguely knew when I did!

webwiz · 17/09/2013 21:06

Its my silver wedding anniversary next year and I expect cards from absolutely everyone I know and a very big medal so YANBU

FredFredGeorge · 17/09/2013 21:09

I don't get it, you say can understand that your DP doesn't understand the value in the card, but you still want him to do it? So you just want the card, because it cannot be heartfelt because he doesn't value you - he's probably of the pretty common persuasion that cards are a pile of tat.

It's not heartfelt to give someone you love something you don't value yourself. It's a lie, yes there's an argument to doing something to make your loved one happy - but how do you know which of the many different paper pieces of tat meets the definition of "heartfelt", when to you, they're just tat?

So sorry, YABU!

ringaringarosy · 17/09/2013 21:14

yabu

cards are naff and a waste of time and money.

olidusUrsus · 17/09/2013 22:06

YABU, you went away for the weekend. Did you give your DH a card?

MusicalEndorphins · 17/09/2013 23:46

Our 25th is soon, we are going away, but I expect and ill be giving, a special card YANBU.

Familyguyfan · 18/09/2013 13:28

No, dad doesn't do cards or gifts, and if a card is eventually forthcoming, it is usually awful, without thought and rather grudging.

I love my dad very much but he is very selfish about these kind of things. He doesn't care, so he won't buy a card or a gift. If mum doesn't get him a card or present, dad doesn't care, so retribution isn't easy.

Mum, on the other hand, really values sentiment and it upsets her every year that no card or gift is forthcoming. I honestly can't get dad to see any point of view but his own,

Original poster
apprenticemum · 18/09/2013 15:37

Oildus I did give my DH a card and a silver gift, I also planned and booked the weekend, ensuring that it would be close to one of HIS favorite haunts. I ensured that all of his clothes were clean, pressed and packed. In fact I spent so much time and energy sorting his things out that I forgot to pack the outfit I planned to wear to dinner. Luckily, I was able to improvise. He turned up, Paid the bill and then moaned about it. Yes I do feel a bit hard done by when all I wanted was what everyone else considers a bit of tat and yet again got nothing and I mean nothing on the day!

OP posts:
Original poster
apprenticemum · 18/09/2013 15:48

FredFredGeorge
It is because he does not see the point in cards that would make it special. The act of doing something especially for my benefit because he knows it would make me happy is a demonstration that he cares.
Kind of says it all really!
As with most blokes by the look of it, thinking of others is not in their make up.

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 18/09/2013 15:54

I would only want a card from someone who WANTED to give it. Getting a card from someone who's been nagged and moaned at - eh, doesn't do it for me.

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