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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to run away after 4 months of being woken 8-11 time a night

31 replies

Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 06:29

I can't take it anymore, my 9 month old DD is teething really badly, we co- sleep. I calpol her, use teething gel and granules but none of it makes a difference, she's also wearing an amber necklace I'm too scared to take off even though I'm sure it does nothing. I cannot think anymore. I am still BFing her and she whimpers and yells all night until I put my boob in her mouth and then she sucks away and it's bloody hurting. Half the time I can't get back to sleep even though I am exhausted.

I bf my DS who's 3 this week for 2 years and he was a bad sleeper too, but not like this.

I have no family nearby, live in the middle of nowhere, DH often works from home but a couple of times a week he has to do a 6 hour round trip to work. He looks after DS if he wakes up but DD is my responsibility. My fault as I have no idea how to settle her apart from BFing.

Help, this current state of affairs is totally unsustainable, I am now feeling unable to function. I look after both children during the day and run my own business from home, I feel like a zombie. I'm no fun, all I want is to go to a hotel for a week on my own and sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 06:37

I just need some help and advice on how to dig myself out of this hole, as I cannot think for myself right now I'm so tired.

OP posts:
meganorks · 16/09/2013 06:39

My good sleeper started waking at around 5 months. Got to the stage it was several times a night and I was bf back to sleep. Around 11months HV suggested sending in dp to settle so she knew not going to be fed. She wasn't happy, but literally took one or 2 goes then back to not waking in the night.

Might be worth a try. I was honestly amazed how quick it worked. First visit there was a lot of crying and took quite some time to settle. But after that she would just kick off initially then go back to sleep. Was way easier than I thought it would be!

BikeRunSki · 16/09/2013 06:48

YANBU
I know that feeling all too well.
DD, nearly 2, was, still is really, a bad sleeper. Also have a DS who was just 3 when she was bornDH works away/long hours.
I went back to work when DD was 15 months ildt, and there were tim.es I thought I was going to die. I have been more tired than I could ever imagine, stressed, irritable, horrible to live with and ga e amazed myself with my bad temper. I have burst into tears and stormed out of the house more than once.

When DD was 18 months old and I really was on the verge of breakdown I took her to see a cranial osteopath. Her sleeping has gradually improved over the last 5 months, and we now often get a full night ( 8pm to 6 am), not always, and sometimes only once a weekbut sometimes more than a week of sleeping through, I an still tired, but less so and saner.

Does your 3 year old go to nursery ? Just a couple of hours where I could sit still and drink sugary tea used to get me through the day.

Original poster
Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 06:50

I just don't know how that will work as DH hasn't got her off to sleep since she was a couple of months old, but I'll try anything. She was sleeping through for a couple of months before this kicked off.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 16/09/2013 06:52

Oh, even now (2 next month) dd settles much more easily for dh than me. It' s true what my mum ( mother of 2 g and 2b) - boys mess up your house, girls mess up your mind.

Original poster
Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 06:55

I tried DS in nursery 6 months ago, it well and truly back fired. He was fine when I left and staff said they'd ring me if there was a problem, I waited in the cafe across the road expecting to collect him after an hour or so but to my amazement...no call! I collected him and he was a mess, he'd freaked out there, been throwing things, yelling and all the while the staff never bothered to tell me. He then started waking 2-3 times a night yelling for me not wanting to go, crying about me leaving him.

I'll try again but he's so bloody upset at the prospect of going back it's another hurdle to overcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 06:55

DS is back to sleeping fine, 7-7.

OP posts:
Doingakatereddy · 16/09/2013 06:58

No advice, but share your pain. DD 6 months kept me up most of last night chomping on boob or whacking me for my boob. I've no idea how she manages to stay awake, I'm a sodding zombie.

DH has done one, yes one night in 6 months and just said in a heart wrenched voice 'I don't know what to do'. I wanted to tell him that he could man up and bloody help.

I'm irritable, slow, whingy shadow if my former self & truly worried for my emotional health. And now I've hijacked your thread, so selfish as well.

Please god, don't give me the 'this will pass' crap. I need objective help

Editededition · 16/09/2013 06:59

This is going to sound harsh afro but sometimes we have to make choices between things we don't want ...and things we can no longer handle. And I think you are in that place.

Move your baby into her own room, into her own cot.
The wakings will probably be halved simply because you won't wake to the small murmurings that she would self settle.
Secondly - offer water when she wakes. Start that process on Friday, when your DH can do this for the first three nights.
If nothing else, the number of disturbances should reduce considerably.

Co-sleeping is wonderful, but if its a choice between that and a mummy who cannot function from exhaustion ....well there isn't much choice really, is there.

Original poster
Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 07:07

doingaskateready no join me on here it's fine honestly! We're not alone.

Editededition I did give her water last night but gave in as soon as she wouldn't settle. In all honesty, I have no idea on how to get her into a cot, both children I have just had in bed and I fed to sleep. DS went into his own bed at 2 with no fuss thank goodness but I can't do that again. DD gets fed to sleep, I was thinking of trying a formula feed before bed. I've done 9 months pure BFing and it's too much for me now.

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bunnymother · 16/09/2013 07:16

Use a dummy? Have to get up and do te school run, so have to post and run. But my bAD BAD sleeper twin girls went to town on their dummies when teething and it really helped. And I used Nurofen, not Calpol as N is and anti-inflam and lasts 8 hours per dose, not 6.

lotsofcheese · 16/09/2013 07:25

I think you have 2 separate issues: teething & feeding.

Teething: try Anbesol (over the counter) - rub directly onto gums. Nurofen is much better for pain but you can only use it short term.

Feeding: not much advice there as I've bottle fed, but your idea of a late bottle feed might help. But the real issue is that your baby needs to learn to self-settle. It will be short term pain for long term gain!

Editededition · 16/09/2013 07:51

Go with your instinct. You have bf'd for 8 months and are now at the end of your tether. Try a formula feed at bedtime, and do a dream feed if she normally feeds well at 10/11'ish.

As for moving into the cot.....it could not be more simple.
Set up the cot in the nursery.
Put her down to sleep in it.
Keep the monitor on, but do not go in for snuffling, small noises....only if she actually cries.

If you have always fed to sleep then there is going to be a transition which could be a bumpy ride, because it is a complete new learning curve for your daughter to self settle ...but it is a very valuable lesson for her to learn. And there is no reason why all feeding to sleep has to stop. Make it a slow change. For the first few bedtimes, feed her to sleep then lay her into the cot.

HappyJustToBe · 16/09/2013 07:59

DD is a bad sleeper and did not start sleeping in her cot until about 16 months. We found that the only thing that would work was me feeding her to sleep (or later DH lying with her) on a futon in her room and then moving her into the cot. She would wake, prob from the change in temp unless we put a radiator warmed blanket in first and put her on that.

You're not alone. When people at work told me to just put her in the cot I'd invite them round to see her reaction to it.

Original poster
Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 08:07

Thank you. DH is away wih work tonight, back tomorrow. We'll try the feed to sleep and put in the cot. She has a cold as well which I think has tipped things over the edge but not by much, it's been horrendous. Things have got to change before I cannot function!

OP posts:
ModeratelyObvious · 16/09/2013 08:08

Has your DD ever fed from a bottle, either formula or EBM?

You need to get your DH to help or you will break.

CreatureRetorts · 16/09/2013 08:13

Have you had her ears checked? Make sure they're not giving her bother especially when lying down.

I would also set up a bed in her room where the cot is because it will cause trouble at first.

9 months is a shit time for sleep (been there twice!) but hopefully it'll improve soon.

I stopped cosleeping with dd gradually from 9 months. I had got her into the cot by feeding to sleep then putting in on her tummy (she sleeps better that way and less likely to stir). For subsequent night wakings, I'd resettle without feeding if within 2-3 hours or feed. Sometimes we'd end up back into bed together.

Gradually she got used to the cot all night. Now at 21 months she asks to go in after a feed and cuddle and says goodnight Shock (I still bf her).

Are you sure it's teething? How has her solids intake been? Can you think if you changed anything, introduced new foods?

Original poster
Afrodizzywonders · 16/09/2013 08:17

No Moderately. But she drinks water brilliantly from a sippy cup. I'm pretty sure though she is seeking the boob for comfort and will go bonkers when she doesn't get it.

OP posts:
mezza123 · 16/09/2013 08:17

Get the professionals in if you're too exhausted to think, if u can at all afford it. Think of it as an investment in u and ur family's health, and yr mental health. Someone posted a link to sleepnannies.co.UK on another thread.

Editededition · 16/09/2013 18:48

The other thing I would suggest is that thing which divides opinion more than most others .....a dummy!
They do work for little ones who are particularly addicted to sucking to sleep.
They can stay in the cot - so do not need to be a "trailing round the shops with 5 dummies in a string" affair.
And you can throw them away (which you can't do with thumbs!)

Just a thought.
They have saved sanity for more than a few mothers!

TrueStory · 16/09/2013 19:03

I found co-sleeping and breastfeeding let me have a lot of sleep, and I was a single parent. However, I did not have other children, and I did not work, which may have been another matter entirely.

It sounds like somethings got to give (your work, your husband?) for you to be able to be able to deal with this. Its not easy, but I think you have to make it as easy for yourself as you possibly can, whatever that is.

waterrat · 16/09/2013 19:06

Ok this is fixable - you are so tired you can't see it but you need to grit your teeth for some tears, out her in her own room and get your partners help

You are giving her the boob at every murmer - so that's what she is used to. Yes the first few nights she will take much longer to settle without it but she will really quickly start to sleep longer stretches

I really recommend her own room - she is waking you every time she stirs- the way we did it is took turns sleeping next to the cot, when ds woke patted and sung etc but didn't pick up from cot unless it was 4 hours from last feed, introduced bottle at 11 then tried gradually to make that the only night feed - it improved sleep rapidly

A 9 month old doesn't need constant feeding at night and this is destroying you

It's ok to want to sleep! You will be a better patent if you can cut down the night feeding

Have you read the no cry sleep solution? I also found the millpond sleep clinic book in invaluable

To be honest if you can afford it pay a sleep consultant they give you focus and a plan and you are more likely to stick to it

waterrat · 16/09/2013 19:07

You really need dp on board tho as he will need to help

Lollypop1983 · 16/09/2013 19:19

My lo is only 5months, so not any advice really, but just wanted to say I totally admire 9 months bf.

I've managed 5 and am moving LO onto ff as I need a break, so very very well done for 9!!

DoJo · 16/09/2013 20:10

Do be careful with the teething necklace - there's no evidence to suggest that they work and the risk of it breaking and becoming a choking hazard.