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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is pure rudeness and more?

24 replies

TheWinterOne · 15/09/2013 21:33

During the school holidays I bumped in to an old friend who I hadn't seen for years. We went for coffee and exchanged numbers. Half way home I got a text saying 'Had a great time, definitely do it again soon.'

So a few weeks pass and last Sunday I get a phone call asking if I wanted to meet up this weekend for a meal and a night out. I said I needed to find a babysitter as DH was away on the weekend himself but would let her know. Anyway, I text her by Monday night saying "All sorted, looking forward to it."

I didn't receive any sort of response from her until Thursday. It was a quick text just saying 'Still up for weekend will let you know times tomorrow. Come Friday I don't hear a thing so I text and ask if all is ok. I haven't had any reply - absolutely nothing.

So I pop on to facebook an hour ago and her status is: "Bed bound with a hang over all day but last night was one to remember with friends."

AIBU to feel absolutely livid? She was the one who asked me to come out this weekend. A simple text would have been all it took if she had other plans.

I now know where I stand in her friendship. I've actually been sitting here boiling up in anger for the last hour. I still haven't heard from her. Am tempted to send a text but not sure if it's better not to say anything at all and just cut her out.

OP posts:

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 15/09/2013 21:34

She's a wanker.

Shrug it off and move on.

Hegsy · 15/09/2013 21:36

YANBU I'd have to do some PA reply on Facebook saying something about 'must've missed the txt with th details' but I'm a grumpy cow tonight

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/09/2013 21:36

That is rude. Why ask you to come out and then change plans and then not let you know? She sounds like hard work. I wouldn't bother sending a text.

I wouldn't bother making any more arrangements either.

(but I have no friends, so perhaps not the best person to listen to!)

McPie · 15/09/2013 21:36

Delete, block and ignore. Being the better person is always the best thing to do in this situation.

Original poster

TheWinterOne · 15/09/2013 21:39

I think I will McPie. I'm just livid. If she didn't want me there fair enough but it was her who phoned and asked in the first place. No doubt when I do go and delete I'll have an email asking what has she done wrong.

OP posts:

mumofboyo · 15/09/2013 21:42

I think I'd just cut her out. Remove her from fb, delete her number and not give it a second thought. At the very most, I'd put a comment on the fb status before defriending, but wouldn't want to make myself sound sad and needy. It doesn't sound as though she cares, so a text saying how annoyed and put out you are probably wouldn't make any difference.

Original poster

TheWinterOne · 15/09/2013 21:48

I was thinking the same Mob. If she can quite quickly not bother after inviting in the first place - I'm not sure what notice she'd take to a text or a status saying how upset I am (I don't like putting too much on FB anyway - just photos really for family to see) will make a blind bit of difference to her. She'd just shrug it off. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction.

OP posts:

emsyj · 15/09/2013 21:51

So the night out that she went on is the same night out that you were supposed to be invited to, is that right? Or did she dump you for another offer?

Either way, you hadn't seen her for years before this came up so I would just chalk it up to experience - you're not going to rekindle this friendship, ignore ignore ignore and move on. I don't think I'd be livid - just bemused really. Odd behaviour, not someone you want to pursue a friendship with, that's all.

gaggiagirl · 15/09/2013 21:52

Cut her out, forget about her. She sounds like a total dick.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 15/09/2013 21:57

Sounds to me like she forgot she'd said about it to you when you saw her and then she texted someone else about the night out. Mixed you up with someone else. Does seem a bit stupid. I don't know anybody that would be that rude so am putting it down to a genuine mistake.

Original poster

TheWinterOne · 15/09/2013 21:57

Em: Yes, it was the night that she'd invited me on.

I'm not so much livid on the fact that I didn't go. It's the fact that she was the one who invited me and didn't have the decency to even reply or let me know she couldn't do it/plans changed.

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/09/2013 22:01

Plain rude. Ignore in future. If she texts you again tell her you're busy and just leave it.

Original poster

TheWinterOne · 15/09/2013 22:02

Pebble, if she texts again I'm not sure I'm even going to reply.

OP posts:

FetchezLaVache · 15/09/2013 22:04

Yeah, agree with everyone else. If she were a good friend, then I'd want an explanation, but I think in this case you can count yourself lucky you've had an early heads-up to the fact that she's a bit rude and flaky.

ihatethecold · 15/09/2013 22:17

How mean of her.

emsyj · 15/09/2013 22:22

I had a close friend who did this to me once - invited me to a night out then blanked me when I asked for details, went without me and denied knowing why I was upset afterwards. I didn't speak to her after that for about 3 years. So I totally 'get' it. Just don't get any more involved with her or pursue the friendship any further.

daisychain01 · 15/09/2013 23:03

Winter, you deserve better, don't waste time, effort or head space on someone who is that ignorant - she has shown her true colours!

fabergeegg · 16/09/2013 00:34

She's done you a kindness, really. Now you know not to care :)

pictish · 16/09/2013 00:43

I'd be furious too OP. Very rude of her indeed.
Do not pursue anything further with her.

WandaDoff · 16/09/2013 00:46

She's not your friend, she's an arsehole.

At least you know where you stand now. You don't need to waste any more time & energy on her.

A lucky escape, perhaps?

ZillionChocolate · 16/09/2013 08:23

Very rude. I wouldn't contact her again. If she contacts you, I think I'd just say no thank you. Don't waste any more time on her.

MrsLouisTheroux · 16/09/2013 08:56

I wouldn't say a thing. I also wouldn't reply to any future texts and would de-friend on FB!

dorisdaydream · 16/09/2013 09:26

What a cow! I agree with the others; don't have any further contact with her.

I have just ditched a friend for doing things like that. I felt in a way that she was gaslighting me. She'd invite me to something, or ask if I wanted to meet up at a certain place on a certain day, and then when I sent a text to confirm arrangements she'd act all confused and as if she didn't know what I was talking about. She also cancelled on me a couple of times and then was tagged in facebook statuses out and about with other friends.

I decided I couldn't be bothered with the hassle and lack of respect from her, so I stopped meeting up with her and contacting her. Our sons are best friends at school, and I just say a cheery hello to her in the playground each day and nothing more.

Original poster

TheWinterOne · 16/09/2013 14:01

Yes, definitely a lucky escape I think. I'm glad I didn't get further down the line, truly value her friendship and then find out what a shit bag she is.

OP posts:

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