to not want to change the christening date again!

[deakymom]

so my son is 8 months old we tried to book the christening a few months ago but we got people saying we are on holiday we might be going away cant you make it later in the year etc so we booked it for 17th november we confirmed it was okay got the photographer booked and are just about to book a hall and send invites (this week) and we have had a phone call from the godparents her mom has a hospital appointment on the sunday of the christening she lives miles away so they cant make it now we are stuck the mom is dying of cancer so we cant be harsh but part of me thinks no matter what date we pick someone will have an issue and if we delay it they will be on holiday (again) or something else will happen im thinking either cancel the whole thing (which i dont really want to do) keep the date and get new godparents or find a new date with a whole new set of problems AIBU to be peeved by all this messing around?

Is the appointment at all changeable, or can they work around it in any way?
If not, I'll say you'll have to - unfortunately - rebook. Godparents are pretty central to a Christening as far as I know.

I would change it for a dying parent of someone who is so central to the christening.

Normally I would say pick the date check with godparents and close family and stick with it but this is different IMO.

YABU to be peeved that the inconsiderate woman is dying of cancer. Either you want these people as godparents or you don't? Surely the choice of godparents is more important than the date, even if you had to wait a few months although it is probable that given the circumstances they will find it pretty impossible to committ at the moment.

However I am confused as to what hospital appointment would be on a Sunday. Perhaps they would be relieved to be given a gentle escape from the godparenting under the circumstances?

Godparents are essential to a christening, having a professional photographer is fairly unusual in my experience.
My kids weren't Christened as I'm an atheist but if they had been any godparents chosen would either have been close friends or relatives and I wouldn't have wanted to upset them by choosing a different godparent so would have changed the date. As long as the date is convenient to you, your husband the godparents and both sets of grandparents I think everyone else's holiday/ hospital plans can be ignored with a "sorry you can't make it" comment.

We booked DD2's baptism around her Spanish God parents, squeezing it in before Lent, but it was the end of half term and they had not checked the flight prices. Ultimately we had proxies stand in for them as other relatives had booked flights.

Op, I saw your mention of the poor lady as explaining the reason why the prospective godparents couldn't come - not as a bitch about it, and did note that you say you are not critical (harsh) because of the circumstance.
So I am not going to give you a hard time

If it were me, I wouldn't change it again because you are right to think that someone will always be likely to have a reason why a date won't work for them
Go ahead with the plans, but be very kind to the prospective GPs - explain that you can't change the date a seconds time, and ask if they are happy to be godparents; in which case you will arrange to have someone act as proxy for the short ceremony on the day. Under the circumstances. I can see no reason why the vicar would not be accepting of the reason why they can;t be there in person.

On the actual day - its just a short church service, and a party. Actually being a godparent is about being there for the next 18 years - and beyond.
There is no reason why your friends cannot do this, despite the very sad reason why they can't attend the church.

professional photographer is my indulgence he is my last and i forgot the camera for the last one and no one has given me copies of his christening so i want to make sure i get a picture of him this time

we have already changed the date twice once for them and for my OH mom going on holiday now we told them the approximate date and they said fine so we finalised it they agreed it is okay now we have been phoned up and told her mom has this appointment it is apparently on the Saturday and they want to spend the sunday with her too she was dying when they went overseas on holiday earlier in the year (first christening date) its my husbands brother we want to be godfather and his wife's mom who is ill im afraid if i change the date yet again she will have passed on and we will have to rearrange it again his brother really wants to be godfather but he also really wants to be with his wife at this time we just dont know what to do on one hand we dont want to keep messing the church around and everyone else and on the other we obviously feel very sorry for her situation i just can help thinking no one is going to win and if it wasnt for them booking holidays every-time he would have been christened by now and it wouldn't be a problem i cant please everyone (his family expected us to change our wedding day so they could go camping so its a bit of a trend) im trying so hard not to be heartless but we cant help thinking its an hour and a half service cant they work around us for a change?

i sound really bad i really cant explain it so i dont

ITcouldbeworse i already said i dont want to be harsh i was looking for help not abuse this mom is actually her adoptive mom she is a chosen child and it is hurtful for you to say that she is absolutely gutted by this they dont live close and she was even going to quit her job to be there with her mom she is her life she is not inconvenient it was inconvenient we had to change it because of holidays if this was the only time we had to change the date we wouldnt be niggling about it it the third time and she has been given till christmas so we all thought we were safe(ish) with the date if we push it later she might get worse and we really will have to cancel it we were just looking for advice

Change the date. It really is something that has to take priority I'm afraid. But what I would do (which might have been a good idea in the first place) is to speak to the vital people (grandparents, godparents) and check they can be there on that date before you and book it.

I think that YAB slightly U because really you should have done that when booking this date.

Talk to the church about grandparents by proxy - maybe the PIL could stand in, due to their age you might not see them as such obvious godparents but I bet they will love being a part of it with your ds- as long as church ok with it BIL& SIL then have a choice about whether to make it back for the service or not. It might depend on outcome of appointment. Maybe you could invite her mother down for the party if she is well enough.

What the others say about proxies for the god parents. I knew it would be nice go change the date to accommodate the gps but how many times? I think there has to come a point when the op says is the "this is the date" and if they can't come then so be it.