To contact CSA after saying in court would not ask for maintenance?

[MadameLeBean]

Can you go back on this without going back to court? I stupidly said I didn't expect any money because I wanted to be independent from ex and I was moving away so he would become NRP proper rather than shared 60-40 me-him. I wanted to "do the right thing".

BUT

1. He is a passive aggressive who never phones his dd, has a mentalist wife who refuses to see me or speak to me, they made my life hell and tried to manipulate the situation to get me out of the picture, saying I couldn't provide a proper family environment (I was a single parent at the time) and made me go through the hell of court to get an outcome that could and should have been agreed through mediation.

1. Dd visits him regularly and also spends over half the school holidays there - I pay for 90% of the travel costs basically because I am a mug who thought it was the right thing to do. Him and his wife went away on a mini break when it was his access weekend and refused to pay the admin charge to change the travel to the following weekend saying they did not have any money!! They have had a baby and me and DP cannot afford to. We pay everything for dd's upbringing - childcare, food, clothes, everything. Me paying for her to visit her dad costs me £100+ per month and he contributes nothing. He probably spends £150 per year on travel costs (if that).

He also refuses to discuss anything in a mature way, using anything to score points against me. Dd is heartbroken that me and daddy are not friends. I have tried to be friendly, civil, be the bigger person and still pay for her to go and see him for her sake. Part of the reason I did not ask for money was to try and make things less acrimonious. But I think this was a mistake.

WIBU to contact the CSA and let him try to threaten court? I doubt he will get legal aid and neither will I so I'm not sure what would happen.

He's not living up to his responsibilities and I'm basically just a doormat aren't I? Or is it not worth it to keep the relative peace?

He likes DD enough to spend holiday time with her, but doesn't care enough to provide for her? You shouldn't have to ask for money, he should be falling over himself to give it to you.

What a shit.

Sorry, I hope you get some proper advice from somebody who knows what they're talking about.

Thanks, yeah I was a mug wasn't I!

The agreement has "flexibility" written into it but I can't remember if it says word for word that I won't claim maintenance although it does specify how we would split travel costs. I need to find it and check.

So you didn't want to claim maintenance before as you wanted to be independent from him, but now he is being a passive/aggressive shit you DO want to claim maintenance. Is that right?

If so, you may well have trouble if it says you didn't want any maintenance in the Court Order. Sorry an all that.

I don't understand. Why would a court not expect the father of a child to pay even a little maintenance?

If he has another family, I doubt he'll have to pay a lot but nonetheless he should contribute something.

Do you need the money?

One of the family lawyers will know for sure, but I think that once a consent order (which I assume this is) has run for a year, either party can request the CSA to deal with child maintenance. Once the CSA is dealing with it, the courts are no longer involved, so he wouldn't be able to take you back to court over maintenance.

Not because he is being a shit. He was a shit before court and after too. I did not claim it because I thought it was "morally" the right thing to do but now I'm doubting that because I think he should have some financial responsibility too if he gets to enjoy the holidays with her etc

I don't know if it is a consent order. It was in Scotland just over two years ago. The court did not push maintenance because in the end we had an "agreement" ie he was advised by his solicitor to accept my terms and stop fighting the case which he was losing.

He should take some financial responsibility because she is his child, holidays or no.

I assume that you got something financial in exchange for maintenance in court?

Then yabu - cake and eat it. If not too it.

Look at the agreement and enforce it exactly.

I got nothing financial instead. Like I said he gives me zero money for dd and pays 10% or less of the annual travel costs which are hefty.

That was a piss poor agreement. You were badly advised by your solicitor and badly served by the courts. Get onto the CSA ASAP.

Can he lie about his income to the CSA? I understand that they can collect directly from wages but what about declaring income?

Also I'm worried about "rocking the boat" and pissing him off as he could then become uncooperative wrt practical arrangements and also nasty which I would find difficult I was on ADs for anxiety for 2 years because of his and his wife's behaviour so their now almost silence is relatively peaceful

Yeah he is employed not self. Thanks everyone I will see what the CSA say. I had a feeling this is not a normal or fair arrangement.

Where does it say you are responsible for travel costs?

In the agreement it says he will pay for half the holiday travel but not the regular access weekends which I agreed to pay for as well as the other half of the holiday journeys. In practice this means I spend about £1200 a year where he spends about £150.

I would tell him that you need the 15% maintenance for dd that the law requires & if he doesn't provide it then you will contact the CSA.

there is no differnce between scotland and rest of the uk in this respect . if an agreement has been in place for 12 months either party can then go to Csa

Should I ask him personally before going through the CSA?

Should I get legal advice first?

Does the law "require" NRPs to pay maintenance even if there was agreement to say they don't have to?

i seriously doubt a court agreement would not allow you to claim maintenance for your child. my friend wanted to "give up" her right to maintenance in exchange for the whole value of the house. (she had slaved at 3 jobs and brought up 3 kids whilst paying the mortgage). Judge awarded her the house and kept her right to maintence intact- pointing out that youngest was 7 and entitled to be supported by both parents.

just go to the csa

Thanks greenfolder and everyone else that has taken the time to reply. Dd cannot do extra curricular sport or music because we are tight financially and every year I struggle to pay for new uniform so it's good to know I should be able to make a claim for maintenance.