to want DH to offer his help?

[anaotchan]

I am 37 weeks pregnant, and while I feel pretty good at this stage, it is getting more difficult for me to do some of my usual chores.

When I ask DH to help me he does, and usually without moaning, but... I would quite like it if he could spontaneously offer his help from time to time. Or you know, offer to make me a cup of tea when I'm obviously knackered.

Not that I want to be pampered and treated like a princess, but... ok, maybe I'd like to be pampered a little bit! and always having to ask is kind of making me feel like a nagging demanding shrew.

Am I being unreasonable? It's the hormones talking, isn't it?..

Ask him to do it without you asking?

Give him specifics, so instead of saying 'Can you help around the house more' tell him exactly what it is you're struggling with. Maybe not everything at once, but prioritise what's going to make the most difference.

Is this your first baby?

Asking for a cup of tea once in a while isn't really "demanding nagging shrew* territory... you're hardly asking him to wear a loincloth and fan you with peacock feathers while simultaneously peeling grapes to pop into your mouth but there's an idea Seriously, if he's happy to do what you need/want him to do, I don't really see what your issue is. Maybe tell him how you feel?

OP you want him to mind read and pamper you. It would be lovely. But I don't think you should expect it.

to be honest I kind of want to hear IABU... so thanks for the no-nonsense feedback

(yes, first baby!)

wait a minute!

it's not help around the house! I assume he lives there too? he should already doing his share of the housework.
but now you're nearly ready to drop, you really do have to talk about this. when the baby arrives, you are most likely going to spend most of your time glued to the settee or bed while you feed an insatiable baby who can't even sleep without cuddling. your dh is going to have to most of the hoisework for a good few mknths, and he's going to have to do all the meals and make sure you have plenty to drink.he might as well start practising waitjng on you now, when he only has to do it when you're knackered or he'll be in for a shock when you just physically can't.

It may just be a male thing really.

My hubby will do things if asked to, and if I point out / drop massive hints about what needs done, although that does make me feel as if I must be nagging. He isn't lazy, he simply doesn't seem to see things immediately the way I do.

Yes, it is his home too, and he should be doing his share - but it is far better for the two of them to have a clear discussion about the things that are bothering her, than to sit and fume because he's not reading her mind. They need to talk about the things that need doing, who is going to do what, and how things are going to change when the baby arrives.

I don't see anything wrong in telling him, 'Darling, I would like you to ask me if there is anything that needs doing, or to notice I look tired and offer me a cuppa'.

nickelbabe - oh no it's not like that, he already does his bit around the house! I have my chores and he has his - I just want him to offer to take up some of mine sometimes... :-p (for instance, I was not-so-subtly hinting that doing the washing-up was hurting my back yesterday, but he only took over -without moaning- when I finally asked him point blank.)

and good point about the post-birth situation, probably worth having a chat with him about it now.

Topseyt, I think it may be a male thing indeed - I know that he's just rationally thinking, "if she needs my help she'll just ask". Which is why deep down I'm know IABU. I just needed the reassurance...

okay, good

you do need to talk about it.
you're going to ve stressed, hormonal and preoccupies and tired. you need to tell him that he needs to ask you what you want, because you won't remember to ask him and you'll get annoyed.
been there, post baby hormones are horrid.

Thanks. It has been worrying me (the post-baby bit), so I will have a little preemptive chat with my DH!

My DH is exactly the same, i think its a man thing. If i ask him to do something, he does it. But doesn't do ANYTHING off his own back. He doesn't see the problem but for me its still 'work for me' if i have to think about what needs doing and ask him to do it at specific times. Ill never just come home and a wash has been put on, or the dinner has been started or the hoovering has been done.

You do have to ask, even the best bloke isn't psychic. But the best bloke will be happy to learn. Mine even needed to he told not to put my biscuits on the side i was breastfeeding off in the early days, but quickly graduated to breakfast in bed while i got on with the morning feed.

Be explicit - you're busy growing a new person, and will soon be caring for him/her. Those are your new chores and he needs to take on his too

ooh, yes. I'm left-handed, so every meal, cuppa, snack, drink, was put on my left. even when left hand was pre-occupied with holding a feeding baby!

but then it also took me ages to learn to eat right-handed. (lots of demands for dry food until he got the idea. spoon full of pasta sauce in wrong hand over baby's head not a good plan!)