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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to pause time...

11 replies

ziggiestardust · 15/09/2013 10:09

Stood here in the kitchen trying to pull myself together.

I never once thought I'd be here, in this place right now.

In 2010 my DS was born; I thought I had it all planned out. But then I got PND and my thousands of pounds worth of pretentious co ordinated nursery couldn't save me. I utterly descended into hell. Truly, it felt like there was a being in my gut, sucking out my soul from the inside. I was black. Inside and out and I wasn't just screaming inside. I was screaming on the outside. My fall was very loud, and made for uncomfortable viewing.

I posted on MN regularly for help, and I received it. Day by day, I got better. It was slow, and I relapsed a LOT. I hated myself every day.

Fast forward nearly 3 years, and we're ok. I ACTUALLY LOVE my DS, and my DH. I'm capable of that. I love this family! DS is this fabulous little boy; so well behaved and loving, he is such a patient and kind boy. I've no idea where he gets it from.

I'm enjoying his toddler hood so much. The thought of him going to school and being influenced by older children (he already goes to nursery, but it's very small), or growing up and away from me is too much to bear. I want to stay here, enjoying him, forever. He is SUCH a joy to me, to us. I never want this to end.

OP posts:

chartreuse · 15/09/2013 10:14

It won't end. Why would it? Your gorgeous little boy will turn into a gorgeous older boy, and a gorgeous teenager and a gorgeous man. Mine has

Well done on beating PND. So glad that you are loving life now and try to remember that there is no reason why it won't stay this good forever.

Iwaswatchingthat · 15/09/2013 10:16

Well done you and also what an accurate description of what depression is like. You should be really proud of yourself - no need to pause time cos it just keeps getting better and you don't want to miss that.

Original poster

ziggiestardust · 15/09/2013 10:19

Sometimes I see posters who helped me and I wonder if they remember how much of a comfort their words were. I have de-regged a few times but always come back!

OP posts:

flipchart · 15/09/2013 10:23

It doesn't end, just evolves and other changes make you happy.

I had those feelings of wanting to stay the same forever.
My Ds is 17 and I'm so proud of watching him get up and go to work to a job he loves, he makes us laugh and we, as a family socialise a lot and are very close.
DS 2 is 14 and I love the house being full of teenagers. They eat pizza here, come and chat to us, bring their bikes round and repair them in the garden etc etc.
I don't want this to end, but nothing stays the same forever.
Enjoy your lad and enjoy watching him develop and change.
It's a great journey.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2013 10:23

In my opinion you still have the best time to come.

If I was able to pause time I would have done when my DC's were 12,10 and 8. Life was fabulous then. They were off at school which gave me lots of child free time, old enough to be free of babyish things like nappies, bed wetting, not sleeping through the night (all of which I found hard and which seemed to go on for a looooong time!). Yet they were young enough to be under my control not off partying, drinking, driving, girlfriends and all the things that cause anxiety to me now, which is happening now five years on from my 'perfect' stage for them. (Although teenagers are great fun, in actual fact).

Things change, it's just the way it is. Try and enjoy your little boy in the here and now without looking to much to the past and future. Glad things have worked out for you, must be a massive massive relief.

Original poster

ziggiestardust · 15/09/2013 10:29

See, everyone kept saying at every point in his life negative things for me to worry about; so I was pregnant and people would say 'wave goodbye to your sleep!' And I'd dread that. And then it wasn't bad at all. Then it was 'wait until he crawls/walks/eats proper food, it's awful!' And it wasn't bad at all. People said 'ugh, wait until he's a toddler, all those tantrums and never napping and it's awful!'

And it's not. It's lovely.

OP posts:

CailinDana · 15/09/2013 10:33

Try to grab time rather than letting it pass by. When something needs cleaning or repairing just tqke that bit of time you were going to waste on meaningless things and give it wholeheartedly to your son. Happy memories will last long after he's grown up :)

CailinDana · 15/09/2013 10:35

Oh and I agree about all the dire warnings. My ds is nearly 3 and I absolutely love spending time with him - he's funny, considerate and just all round lovely.

Bowlersarm · 15/09/2013 11:27

Therefore OP do not listen to others!

Everyone's experience is so different. People vary so much themselves that they are bound to respond to the negatives (as they see it) and positives (as they see it) of having children, and the various stages in children's lives, differently to everybody else. People have different strength and weaknesses.

I am a great believer in living for the moment. Doing your best, and enjoying it to the best of your ability. No one can do anymore really.

Cravey · 15/09/2013 11:37

I too had pnd with my twins and discovered the joys of them at about two years of age. As others have said it doesn't end. They are both lovely young men now one with a family of his own the other being a dj all over the world. It just gets better doll. You're love grows into something different as they get older but it's not less. Grab your family with both hands and live life to the max.

SueDoku · 15/09/2013 12:14

My DC have DC of their own now, and the most important thing that I've ever said to them is that lots of my friends have said variations on 'I wish I'd spent more time doing things with them when they were younger' to me - but no-one has EVER said, 'I wish I'd kept the house tidier' or 'I wish I'd vacuumed more often'...

All the very best OP. Enjoy every stage of your DS's development - each one is great, and you'll have so many great memories to look back on.

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