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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want my DH to sort out his snoring

47 replies

flyingwidow · 15/09/2013 07:24

I am sleeping on the sofa as DH was snoring before his head even touched the pillow last night! This is an ongoing thing and 4 nights out of 7 (on average) I end up on the spare bed. But we have guests this weekend so, embarrassingly, I am relegated to the sofa.

His snoring is LOUD. I already sleep with earplugs. Tbf, I am a light sleeper... BUT, I have bought him things to try- which have been relegated to the drawer- eg. Nasal strips. They were pretty effective- but he just doesn't want to wear them. If I kick him mid-sleep it helps, but only for 2 minutes .

I don't want to be the couple who have separate rooms! I love waking up with him!!!

I just want him to take it seriously and sort it out! He is not over weight so not expecting a radical diet- just to try some more 'remedies' and take a bit more responsibility for my suffering!

AIBU?

OP posts:

Wellwobbly · 15/09/2013 13:10

Jab him, Longing! A thumb in the ribs hurts and will get him to move away from it without waking up.

Within a week you will have a well-trained and still beloved hubby.

MrsWembley · 15/09/2013 13:40

I do the jab and roll, with the calm, quiet voice and the gentle manoeuvring to get him to move, but often it's to do with the position of his arms and I've got to move them and that can cause him to wake slightly and start shouting and swearing. He is doing it in his sleep, really, and most times doesn't remember in the morning, but he can get me quite wound up and that's when I shout back - usually about the fact that I'm the one who's been woken up and I should be the one to get upset!

I've told him I think he's got sleep apnea and he too is unwilling to talk about it properly or take it seriously. I've asked him to read a couple of posts here and I've shown him some goggled images of those masks (we'd not heard of them before). He was of the opinion that he'd scare the crap out of DD, as she often comes into our room in the middle of the night. He did mention a mouth guard last night and has now agreed to try one.

DeathByTray · 15/09/2013 13:48

The nasal strips help with DH's snoring, but only if he sleeps on his left side. If he rolls over, he immediately starts snoring very loudly.

I don't even need to give him a dig nowadays. I just make a big sigh and he immediately turns over without even waking up. I think I got into his subconscious

longingforsomesleep · 15/09/2013 23:59

I do dig him - this has caused a few rows in the past ("how could I be snoring - I wasn't even asleep ....."). He stops when I dig him and I lie there getting more and more tense waiting for him to start again - which he does after a minute or so.

I really don't want to sleep apart from him but I tell you, as soon as one of the kids leaves home, I'm moving into their room.

FastWindow · 16/09/2013 00:11

'i wasnt even asleep' SO familiar... So illogical! Am I lying? Are my ears defective? Perhaps I'm dreaming about your snoring to add to my misery? Arghh.
Thank you, sofa.

FriedSprout · 16/09/2013 00:19

My friend has sleep apnoea, and has a CPAP machine. The one she has is almost entirely silent. We have been camping two years running and shared a blow up bed and no issues at all. She would not have gone camping without her machine as she would have kept entire campsite awake.
She went to a sleep clinic, was monitored and was waking slightly every few minutes.

I have a feeling that you can actually download apps which claim to indicate if you suffer. No idea how effective they are though. Best to show him this thread with all the medical arguments why he should go to GP. If he has this it could lead to severe repercussions with regard to his health.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 16/09/2013 09:31

longingforsleep that's absolutely appalling of your doctor - really, really awful.

hanette · 16/09/2013 09:45

Do either of you have an iphone?

If so I can't recommend the Snorelab app enough. If your husband's snoring is bad, it should shock him into realising it's a problem. You can play back the snoring peaks to him and also get a score out of 100 for each night. It will help you to determine the contributing factors - ie does it lessen when the sheets have just been changed, is booze a factor etc.

Best £2.50 I have ever spent!

CMOTDibbler · 16/09/2013 09:46

My dh has been on CPAP for 7 years now. The machine is vvvv quiet, and ds is not scared at all by it.

OSA is very dangerous - partly as chronic tiredness makes you a dangerous driver, but also the changes at night through greatly rsaised blood pressure and lack of oxygen increase the risk of stroke, heart disease, glaucoma and other eye issues massively.

It also makes it much harder to lose weight due to hormonal changes, so being told to lose weight is not helpful.

Original poster

flyingwidow · 16/09/2013 11:25

Hanette- I am going to try the app! To be fair, he used the strips last night and they seemed to work! I was very tired after a busy weekend with not much sleep- so hard to tell if I just slept through it. My BIL also recommended some more hardcore earplugs which I'm going to try. Just don't like the idea of not being able to hear ds if he is distressed in the night (3 yo- not newborn!)

OP posts:

Mandy2003 · 16/09/2013 11:35

I snore. It makes me miserable. I daren't risk getting in a relationship because of it. I can do it in any position (!) - back, front, side it does not matter. It is caused by a knackered septum in my nose but being a single parent with no support I cannot go into hospital and risk an operation to cure it.

But I've used these and apparently they work! They enabled me to have a holiday last year at least.

If the nasal strips are helping (they always come unstuck overnight with me) then these do the same job but internally. If you buy from this supplier you get a pack of two sizes so you can choose the best fit and order them again.

hanette · 16/09/2013 13:12

Best of luck with snorelabs - just to warn you I was horrified one night to discover TWO sets if snores. One oink started before the other had stopped. A duet!

Really helped though - trouble with snoring is it can be subjective and you have no way of knowing how bad it is until you hear it back

stargirl1701 · 16/09/2013 13:21

YANBU. DH is a snorer. I asked him to see the GP when we were dating and it turned out to be a dust mite allergy. A daily anti-histamine, wooden floors and bed hoovering have done the trick. He still snores the night after he has had a drink so HE sleeps in the spare room/on the sofa in those circumstances.

Wellwobbly · 16/09/2013 15:35

"I do dig him - this has caused a few rows in the past ("how could I be snoring - I wasn't even asleep ....."). He stops when I dig him and I lie there getting more and more tense waiting for him to start again - which he does after a minute or so.

I really don't want to sleep apart from him but I tell you, as soon as one of the kids leaves home, I'm moving into their room."

Longing, it's how you look at it. If you change the confrontational approach, YOU will find peace.

So: dig, whilst saying in a really gentle, loving voice (roll over pet name). Then, when he is on his side, SPOON HIM with your arm around his waist and cuddled up.

First, you are in a nice cuddle, and you do love him, right? Second, that way he can't roll back over.

You both lie there drifting off to sleep, by the time YOU roll away, you are too asleep to care what noise he makes.

Don't set yourself up for upset. He isn't fat, he is a man, it is the muscles relaxing in his throat that makes him snore. So keep him on his side with a nice armlock cuddle which is mutually enjoyable for both of you and you will drop off.
If you lie there 'waiting' - well, you are 100% guaranteed to be upset.

Wellwobbly · 16/09/2013 15:36

PS ask him when you are NOT in bed to trust you that you are not having a go at him for nothing, and can he just roll over when you ask jab.

Crowler · 16/09/2013 15:38

My husband and I are in separate bedrooms for this reason. I have definitely gotten used to it - I have one of my kids with me most nights, which I love. (this may be weird)

MrsWembley · 16/09/2013 21:16

Oh, Wellwobbly, if only it were that simple.

My DP will often not move when I use the soft, calm voice and the gentle request. So then I have to physically move him. Sometimes it works, sometimes he sits up and shouts at me, sometimes he just ignores me and gets louder. The worst one though is when he says, 'yes' in his sleep but doesn't move - that's the one guaranteed to wind me up after he's said it five or so times and not shifted an inch. He's not in the slightest bit fat, but he's over six foot and not easy to manipulate.

CleverWittyUsername · 16/09/2013 21:44

My husband had an operation last year because of his heavy snoring. He did a sleep clinic and it was something to do with his throat so a mask would not have made any difference. They took his tonsils out and extra bits. Now he just snuffles which is annoying but much better. However he has started rolling onto his back and flinging out his arms (hitting me and waking me up) so he is back to being chucked into the spare room. Get him to the GP!

MyBoysAreFab · 16/09/2013 21:53

YANBU. My DH snores. It is no longer the fact that he snores that pisses me off the most - it is the fact that despite the fact it affects my sleep and therefore my mood, he does not seem to even begin to consider that this is a problem and has made no effort to do anything about it. Made worse by smoking and drinking I am sure, both of which he does.
I use the dig in the ribs approach but there is nothing calm about me when I do it!

girlynut · 16/09/2013 22:03

DP used to have sleep apnoea. We trotted up to Harley Street where they lasered his tonsils down and removed his uvela (soft palate) and this made a massive difference. He no longer stops breathing or wakes with a start.

That said, he does still snore... quite loudly. I'm trying to convince him to get a gum shield thing fitted as my mum swears by hers. She offered him a go of hers but, strangely, he declined...

LimeLeaafLizard · 16/09/2013 23:04

Great to see this thread. DH is currently trying a mild decongestant steroid prescribed by the GP and it is helping a lot. I'm wondering about the dust mite allergy mentioned above. He is very attached to his grim old pillow - I've had about 3 pillows in the time he's had one (i.e. about 10 years!!)

Gossipmonster · 16/09/2013 23:09

My OH had two operations on his nose to stop him snoring (on orders of his ex wife) which failed miserably.

My mum could hear him two floors away . His brother is worse .

He goes away a lot with work (for months at a time) so now when he's home I try to look at it as reassuring (and he tries to let me go to sleep first) .

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