Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To ask can DD go by herself...

21 replies

vvviola · 15/09/2013 03:11

(I need to make a decision in the next hour, so hopefully some of the night owls might be able to help out)

DD1 (age 6) is on a sports team with some friends from her class. I get on pretty well with the Mums although I wouldn't consider them close friends.

DD1 was sick in Friday night (over excitement from school disco) so she didn't play on Saturday morning for the last game of the season. She was pretty upset but I didn't think she was well enough.

There's a barbeque at the house of one of the mums this afternoon. We were all set to go but now DD2 is sick (really nasty head cold and temperatures - she's 2, so she just cried and wants cuddles). DH is working.

DD1 will be absolutely devastated if she has to miss the barbeque, but I don't think it's fair to DD2 to drag her along.

WIBtotallyU to call and ask if I can drop DD1 around for an hour to play with the rest of the team instead of us all going? I hate the idea of imposing on people so I tend to not ask these things, but equally having missed yesterday's game DD1 would be devastated to miss this afternoons event too.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 15/09/2013 03:19

I think you'd be perfectly reasonable, and considerate too.

MrsBranestawm · 15/09/2013 03:19

I would go with both girls then play it by ear. Either you'll be able to leave DD1 there by herself because the other parents will suggest it when you explain that DD2 is off colour, OR DD2 will perk up when you get there. Last option is you all come home after a short time, but at least DD1 will have gone for a bit of it. Warn DD1 in advance that this might happen.

TheFallenNinja · 15/09/2013 03:20

I personally wouldn't. I would think it an imposition, plus they may say no.
A 6 year olds devastation will be pretty short lived.

AlannaPartridge · 15/09/2013 03:20

Absolutely no harm in asking. Fully explain to the mum that you don't want everyone getting DD2's germs (which she'll be grateful about) but that DD1 was so looking forward to it. Give her an out by making it clear that you'll totally understand if it's too much hassle so she doesn't feel imposed upon.

I bet it'll be fine. If I was the mum in question I wouldn't see it as a problem at all.

TheFallenNinja · 15/09/2013 03:20

It's a bit brisk for barbecue isn't it?

MrsBranestawm · 15/09/2013 03:22

I think the OP is in a different time zone, Ninja

Original poster

vvviola · 15/09/2013 03:25

Well, we're in NZ TheFallenNinja, but even here it's a bit brisk

But it's dry, and I guess adults will migrate inside a bit while kids take over the garden...

OP posts:

TheFallenNinja · 15/09/2013 03:50

I wish I was in a warmer timezone.

I could murder a burger and a beer.

claraschu · 15/09/2013 03:55

Of course it's ok for you to ask. I can't imagine that people wouldn't be pleased to help you.

NickyNackyNooNoo · 15/09/2013 03:59

I'm a big believer in 'no harm in asking', flip the situation and how would you feel if you were the host of the bbq?

Most reasonable people would totally understand and a 6 year old hardly needs much looking after

PenguinBear · 15/09/2013 04:05

Yep I'd ask :)

HicDraconis · 15/09/2013 04:10

If I were the host I'd be more than happy for your DD to be dropped off (especially if it kept germ-ridden2yo away!) I'd want a contact number and to know when to expect you back to collect plus a quick not-allowed-foods list if appropriate.

It's warm here, ranch sliders wide open :) BBQ is on, excellent idea.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 15/09/2013 05:17

Probably too late for me to comment now, but I would ask. If I were your DDs friends Mum, I'd want you to ask, rather than your DD miss out again, and I'd be happy to keep my eye on another 6yo for a few hours.

IrisWildthyme · 15/09/2013 06:10

You'll have made the decision by now, but I also think there's no harm in asking - but if possible rather than asking the host who will have lots of other worries during the event I would try to make contact with the parents of one of the other attendees to take your DD and be nominally in charge of her - though she probably won't need much looking after.

I do hope your DD got to got to the barbecue! (do let us know, we MNers are generally always happy to dispense advice but like to know how it all worked out in the end)

Jaynebxl · 15/09/2013 07:00

Probably too late but I'd definitely ask. If the roles were reversed I'd happily take the other child without her mum.

Original poster

vvviola · 15/09/2013 07:05

Sorry, didn't get a chance to update before I left. I went with MrsBranestawn's idea of playing it by ear as DD2 ha woken up in great form. She perked up and we managed to stay for a while, and when we had to leave, one of the other Mum's offered to drop DD1 home so she didn't miss certificates etc.

Only problem about the whole thing is that I had an absolutely miserable time. The place wasn't toddler proof (wouldn't expect it to be) so I spent the whole time chasing DD2 around keeping her out of mischief. Didn't even manage to get anything to eat or more than 3 sips of my drink. And barely anyone spoke to me - and when they did, I had to chase DD2, and by the time I came back, the person had moved. Was all a bit upsetting really

But DD1 had/is having a ball, which was the main point of the whole thing.

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 15/09/2013 07:37

vviola that's right...it IS annoying though....my best mates wedding was ruined for me because DH was away and I spent it all chasing my DD2. It was a relaxed kid friendly wedding but NOBODY offered me a hand....you know, said "Oh let me entertain her for 5 minutes while you eat..."

I was seriously annoyed....I know it's not other peoples job to care for my kids but really...at a wedding, a woman alone with two kids....I'd always offer a hand!

Original poster

vvviola · 15/09/2013 12:56

Glad someone gets it Neo. When I told DH I was upset he just didn't understand why - but then he's rarely, if ever at a social event with the kids but without me, and if he was it would be a family event so plenty of willing entertainers.

I felt it more, I think, because I was trying to really make friends with this group, who are genuinely lovely I thought and I have very few friends here.

Any way, never mind. Seems the original answer to my question from what the hostess said as I was leaving was IWNBU to ask could she stay by herself. Must remember that for next time there's a problem (and potentially save myself some upset too)

OP posts:

GertBySea · 15/09/2013 13:02

I get it too vv I went to a BBQ held in my honour (retirned from overseas) with friends of 20 years without DH and with my two. Ended up in tears because didn't get to talk to anyone for longer than 20 sec

GertBySea · 15/09/2013 13:03

Sorry... C

GertBySea · 15/09/2013 13:05

Oh blood hell.

You get my point. I understand. It's rubbish. They all asked me afterwards why I didn't ask for help. I should have. I guess you couldn't have though. If DD gets on well with the kids hopefully you'll get more invitations and can get to know them over time.

Flip