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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are constant change of wedding and christening dates unreasonable?

6 replies

lisylisylou · 15/09/2013 00:57

I wanted to know your thoughts and I'm telling you all now that I've not lost my temper yet to avoid family rowing but feeling pretty hurt. Basically my brother and I are about 4 hours driving distance apart and myself and dh had to move away about 8 years ago from my family due to work relocation. I've always felt as it was mine and dh's decision to move away so we visit them more often maybe about 6-8 times a year and in the 8 years I've been living where I am my brother has been to visit twice.

My db has 2 girls of his own separated from his ex and fallen madly in love again which is great. She is very nice, has 5 kids of her own and I genuinely do not have any issues with her. Late last year they said they were getting married and they'd booked the wedding for February. I was really happy for them and then they announced that she was pregnant and moving the wedding to August so they could have christening and wedding together. I thought this was also fine but then they changed their minds again and decided for the wedding to be in 1st week of July on a Friday so I couldn't bring the kids despite my brother having told my dd she would be a bridesmaid.

Now for the christening part, so because they've done the wedding they said they were keeping the same date from the August dates to still have a joint part for the wedding and christening. However no invitations were sent out so I assumed there was no christening so booked a week holiday away for the summer holidays. I paid the deposit (non refundable) and then a week later I was sent an invite for the christening over Facebook for the christening to take place 2 weeks later. They'd promised all aling that I was going to be a godmother and I said that I couldn't go but I genuinely did not know what to do. My mum also said that she couldn't go and then from what I can gather because of he amount of no shows from other people they said they would change it to September. So the christening is tomorrow and now I have found out I cannot be a godmother today because I do not have a christening certificate and the vicar is apparently refusing to allow anyone without a christening certificate to be a godmother! Last Monday we were again asked over Facebook about who was staying for food. The godmother thing I am hacked off about but it is more just everything is done over Facebook dates are constantly being changed and I feel pretty pissed off with it all. I need to drive there and back tomorrow but the weather is set to be dire ith 30-4mph winds and my dh cannot be with me as he is flying away. Over the next 6 weeks he is away and only coming back weekends so my weekends with him are pretty precious. My mum is very upset as one of the godfathers has been in prison for supplying drugs in the past and yet he still gets to remain as a godfather!

Please, please let me know your thoughts as I can't work this one out - I feel hacked off with it all but I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt at the same time with them looking after so many kids. Sorry such a long one x

OP posts:
AngelsLieToKeepControl · 15/09/2013 01:07

I don't think I would get het up about it tbh.

If you can't go, you can't go, just arrange to do something lovely for when you can visit and have a mooch through the photos.

They can't keep changing dates and still expect everyone there.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2013 01:22

You haven't mentioned any possible consequences if you don't go (like WWIII breaking out because your brother's pissed off), so there's not much you can do about it.

Leaving it to the last minute means people can't go, they can't expect everyone to drop everything for their random dates.

What's that with your mum though? Does a prison stay mean you're written off for life? Not very christian of her Wink

meganorks · 15/09/2013 01:26

Think I might have got lost. But from what I can see the wedding has happened and the christening is tomorrow but you can't be arsed to go now you aren't a godmother? From what I can see they only changed the date for christening once and that was accommodate you and others. So I think YABU to be annoyed and would be very unreasonable not to go. They can't control the weather can they?!

lisylisylou · 15/09/2013 01:37

No she's not feeling very Christian about the friend being a godfather (a lot of history behind that). I guess she's being protective of me and she was ranting on the phone tonight and I was saying to her to calm down as I'm still the baby's auntie regardless.

My dh is genuinely worried about the weather tomorrow and the 30-40mph winds and travelling with the kids. He really does not want me to go mainly for that reason. If the forecast was different it would be a different matter.

I was ok until my mum started ranting haha. I don't know about the consequences but he can't argue about the weather though!! I think you build upto a date, get prepared for it, sort out clothes, presents and put other things off just to be messed around again and to be honest I can't be bothered with it. Every wedding and christening I've been to has never had invites over Facebook and it all just seems rather odd to me maybe I'm just old skool haha!

OP posts:
CandidaDoyle · 15/09/2013 01:42

If the weather is as bad as forecast tomorrow you would not bu to not want to drive for 8 hours and to cancel going.

AgentZigzag · 15/09/2013 01:46

If you were OK until your mum started ranting, is that her stirring it up?

I know you say she's being defensive on your behalf, but could you go back to how you felt about it pre-rant?

With facebook, I think some people who spend their whole lives (and the dinner's they've cooked) on it just presume everyone else is the same, and if you're not, you're weak so it's your own fault Grin

It is easier than getting snail mail invites together, so maybe it's not completely rude.

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