About bil visiting new baby?

[louloutheshamed]

So I gave birth to ds2 a week ago via emergency c section. Today my sister has travelled across the country to visit and has been great as an extra pair of hands with ds1. Then bil and sil said they would visit with their baby - fine. Then pil said they would come and bring food so we didn't have to cater. Ok but it's getting a bit crowded at this point, plus they brought their dog.

Then other bil gets wind of this and says he is coming too. He has recently separated from his wife and mother of his 2 dds and is living with another woman who we have yet to meet. In his text he says 'we have presents', so I ask dh to clarify who 'we' refers to, thinking it might mean our nieces- but no, he means his new gf and her 10 yo son.

At this point I freak out a bit. I say I don't think it's on to bring a stranger to someone's house a week after they have had a baby and major surgery. I am trying to establish bf and feeling and looking like a wreck and do not want to make small talk with someone who I don't know from Adam.

Dh then texts bil and explains this (tactfully) and says could he just come on his own. Bil turns up, stays for an hour or so, then we realise when he leaves that his gf and ds have been waiting in the car. Mil is horrified.

Wibu to say she couldn't come?? I have lost all perspective 7 days post partum!!

Congratulations on your newborn.

You may have done the GF a favour, she may have been seething in the car for an hour and realized what a prize tool this man is.....

inspace - I doubt that popping upstairs to bf is an easy task a week after cs.

Maddening- I've had 3 c sections and did just that. Not v often, just when there was a guest I wasn't happy showing my boobs to. You can walk a week after a c section you know.

Goodness, that was a lot of people to have round at the same time. I could not / would not have done it.

Congratulations on your new baby and I hope you are feeling better now.

BiL was unreasonable and rude.

I can beat that. SIL rocked up with her new BF, who I had never met, when I was in Labour. And the Midwives let them in

I was sat there, trying to make polite conversation in between contractions. She even complained to DH that I was rude when I told them they would have to leave when a Dr wanted to do an internal

DH put her right PDQ, and she did apologise, but not until she had her own DD 18 months later!

Yanbu - my cousin asked to visit DS in nicu. I said fine, lovely, be prepared for the wires etc and no cuddles ... She replied that her and New DP who i'd met twice and her 10 year old would be there. Had to explain that no kids were allowed - totally inappropriate and that only 3 people were allowed at once. She thought DP should wait outside because her DP really wwanted to come. Her visit fell on his 3 hourly nappy change (nicu strict timetable.... Seems crazy now) and she asked to do it... Despite knowing that me and DH were taking turns because that 5 mins every 3 hours was the only time we got a quick hold... Some people are very selfish.

If someone was uncomfortable seeing me breastfeed my newborn in my own home then I would suggest they pop outside for a while because I'm sure as fuck not going anywhere.

Hopalong - many new mothers are uncomfortable displaying their breasts to other people, as they are trying to establish what's comfortable for themselves. This is about the mother, not the guests. Great if you weren't, but there's a whole lot of new Mums who feel that way.

But that doesn't mean they should be the ones to move away.

Plus my point was that you shouldn't have to move upstairs so that you don't make your guests uncomfortable. If you would prefer to go upstairs for your own comfort then that is different to feeling that you have to go upstairs so you don't offend guests.

I used to go upstairs so that i didn't feel uncomfortable, as I clearly said. I'm not going to ask guests to go and stand outside in December so that I can feed the baby!

You said to make sure that your gueats didn't feel uncomfortable too. At three days post birth I was not up to giving a shit how my guests felt. Sorry if that makes ne a bad host but I just had my vagina sewn back together. If you feel uncomfortable lookib ft at a woman breastfeeding then I would suggest not visiting a new born baby. If I had gone upstairs every time the baby needed feeding I would also have never come downstairs. As it stood I would much rather have been in bed with my baby than making small talk with guests.

No one EXPECTED me to go upstairs- I did so so that I didn't have to display my boobs to everyone . It made a feel stressed. Whether you've had surgery or not, surely no one sits down all day anyway? You need to move around to help healing.

I felt the same as InSpace - and I think she's been quite clear in what she means. Nobody is making anyone go upstairs. Many of us liked to have some visitors (though not a party like OP has), but, at the time the baby wanted feeding chose to withdraw for our own privacy.

Eurgh...I feel your pain OP, YAdefinitelyNBU.

When I had DD, it was a quite complicated birth as she turned the wrong way at the very last minute, got stuck at the point of no return and had to be pulled out with forceps. I'd been pushing for almost 3 hours by that point.

Two hours later, I was knackered, blood was literally gushing out of me every time I slightly moved and DD was not latching on well so I was sat trying to get her to feed in just a pair of bloody knickers when in walked DH's exW, DSS, my mum and her boyfriend, MIL, grandad, sister, dad and dad's housemate

Although I like all of these people very much, I was not 100% happy to see so many of them so soon after the birth, with no warning whatsoever. The only people who gave us space were my brother and his wife who had a baby at the time and obviously understood how I was feeling much better than the others.

Thank you backforgood, I thought I was quite clear too! Totally agree with you spg1983- horrible to have those visitors straight after the birth! Poor thing. That's an advantage of a c section I suppose, by the time visitors are allowed you're all tucked into bed and neat and tidyish!

because she'd hada c-section, which is major surgery!
she was knackered, hormonal, sore and already overwhelmed with the numbers of visitors appointed. without also having to entertain someone sje had never met while coming to terms with a brand new baby!