to want to shake my friend (yes I am probably BU)

[melbie]

So this week has been hideous- relationship break up in a very messy way (I mean really messy), dealing with several very close friends also breaking up and the fall out from that (which is massive) work is non stop dire, crying most of the time, not sleeping etc. My closest friends are all unavailable for various reasons (as in away or involved in the messy hideous break ups and therefore I am trying to deal with my shit on my own rather than dump on them when they are already in a bad place)

I have a less close friend who knows all this is going on but continues to go on and on (think 20 texts a day) about this guy she is interested in. I am invited to comment on every time he texts and what it might mean and how she should reply. She has met him twice but will not stop going on about how much she likes him, how much she misses him etc.

I know I should be sympathetic and I am trying very hard but it is difficult when I get 5 texts about him during the time I have someone else on the phone in tears because they are suicidal and going through a divorce to really engage in some teenage discussion about whether he was not interested in her because she didn't put out.

IABU aren't I?

No, you are not BU.

Your friend is an insensitive cow.

Hope things pick up for you btw.

Nope! She is tactless, thoughtless and self absorbed. Ditch.

I am sure one of your decent friends would be only too happy for you to cry on their shoulder, it's a distraction when your own life is shite!

I hope you are feeling better about it soon. It's crap to go through, but pretty much always the right thing to do.

YANBU - she's being an insensitive sod if she's aware of all the breakups plus work going on.

If you haven't told her, then explain that there's other stuff going on and you're sure they'll find their own way together. Hopefully she'll get the slightly subtle message.

be honest with her,

Tell her you can't give her situation the attention it deserves because you are very much distracted by the opposite situation going on.

^No, you are not BU.

Your friend is an insensitive cow^

This!

Thank you. I am just very aware that to her it probably is a major event/issue in her life. I just don't have the energy for it. I am trying to reply a little less in the hope she backs off a bit. I don't want to say anything that seems nasty to her- I think she is young rather than intentionally thoughtless.

Urgh.. This reminds me of a 'mate' of mine, total oblivious teenager who I just don't have time for any more.

YANBU. It wouldn't be the worst thing to say 'hey I appreciate this is exciting times for you but I really have a lot on my plate right now so I'm unable to give it the attention you'd like. Speak soon, bye. X'

And then ignore, focus on your needs, find a good strong shoulder to cry and continue being a good buddy to your friends who actually need it. Good luck!

Still, the only way she'll grow up is by learning when is appropriate to share this sort of thing.

You aren't BU. Maybe you could start to offload onto her how you're feeling? That might wake her up and help her to gain some empathy.

No you're really not! People like this are exhausting at the best of times. If it was me I'd have already reached the end of my tether and fired off a really shitty text reminding her that the world does not revolve around her and that she is not fifteen. But I'm sure you're a better person than me OP

Oh, and I hope things pick up for you soon. Feel free to vent here if you want to.

YANBU. If she can be this self absorbed when she knows you are going through this age is not a friend. Life is too short.

She is not a friend.

Hmmm maybe I should detach a bit more. I don't want to cut her off completely- she is sweet and it would make me feel even more shit about myself than I already do. But a bit of distance would probably help. Thank you everyone