To not pick up after DD?

[Primrose123]

DD is nearly 13. She is a lovely girl, mainly(!) well behaved, works and behaves well at school, kind, looks after her friends etc. No problems with her really apart from the normal teenage blips now and then.

But. She is unbelievably untidy. She has a shower, and leaves all her clothes on the floor. Her bedroom is a tip. We bought her a desk when she started secondary school - she can't work at it, as it's too messy. I feel like I nag her all the time to pick things up, and I'm certainly not very tidy myself!

So, at the moment there are 3 pairs of pants and socks next to the shower. I refuse to pick them up. I work part time, volunteer, and do most of the housework. It's not unreasonable to want her just to pick up her own stuff. My DM sees the stuff on the floor and wants to pick it up, but I stop her, because I think DD must learn to do it, and will never do it if she drops things and someone else picks them up.

It's everything. I tidied and hoovered the living room, and now she's left plates, glasses, books, pens, paper, rubbish etc. I tell her to put it away, but she seems to leave this sort of stuff in every room faster than I can keep up with!

AIBU to leave her stuff in the hope that she will start picking it up? Or will that not work and shall I just give in and pick it up?

As a child,I was frequently locked in my room to sort it out and bollocked soundly for the state of it. I still remember feeling utterly overwhelmed by the sheer scale if the task.

Also, at 13 it really was not my priority.

We lived abroad and had staff, and so I never learned from watching my mother organise, purge, clean, find systems, keep routines, make storage work for me and all the other millions of things I have had to learn myself over the years.

I thought the 'punish them if they'll never learn' attitudes stopped last century. And do people REALLY make 13 year olds do their own washing? Blimey.

I've invested a long time showing my kids how to manage their stuff.

They still moan to hell about putting clean washing away.

No disrespect to Wordfactory, but people have been suggesting that all through the thread.

I feel sorry for your daughter. I think she has the right attitude/intention but hasn't been taught the skills of how to tidy. It just doesn't come naturally to some people.

Well, to be fair, Vivacia, I did teach her how to tidy her room, by splitting it into manageable chunks and doing it with her.

The other thing, picking clothes up from the bathroom floor, and taking plates and other bits and pieces from the living room is not difficult, she has been told to do it, constantly.

I actually think it is her attitude and intention that is the problem. She does know how to move things from one room to where they should be, she just can't be bothered to do it. Her older sister manages fine.

Fair enough. It's a strategy that's worked here and we don't have problems with children leaving dirty clothes and plates everywhere.

I had a similar problem with my DS12, he constantly leaves plates,mugs,empty food wrappers all over the house. Constant nagging/shouting got me nowhere.

So now, everytime I find he has left something where it shouldnt be, he has to pick it up, and also do an extra job for me, like putting the rubbish out, peeling the potatoes, or whatever I can find for him to do. It has worked a treat, he is so much tidier now!

LJ8893

It wasn't a typo, yes I do have an untidy 34 year DD living at home AND a 32 year old DS who is a hoarder. What I can't understand is that neither myself or my DH are untidy and we always know where things are and we are not hoarders.