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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There is a stray cat...

21 replies

PavlovtheCat · 12/09/2013 21:25

Am I being unreasonable. Or is DH. I won't tell you which one is which. I will try to be neutral.

We live in a maisonette, relatively roomy. We have two children and far too much stuff. We have two outdoor cats (catflap) with reasonable outdoor space. They fight like, well, cat and cat. The don't really like each other. Or rather, the bigger cat doesn't really like anyone other than whoever feeds him/gives him water from the tap.

We have in the last 2 years taken a stray cat the the local rehoming place, riddled with fleas, in need of much love. It was rehomed. One of us was upset about this, the other was far more practical about it.

A new cat has pitched up on our street. It almost got run over. It is skinny, needs a lot of feeding up. It is not looked after. It has, it appears, additional, er, fingers? what looks like a thumb. My friend says some cats have this, never seen it. It's fur is thin, can see it's skin, but it seems pleasant enough and not flea ridden. Which leads me to think maybe it has been looked after in the past, may be lost.

The children have absolutely fallen in love with it. It is very friendly. It is very hungry. The location of the front of our house means that the cat is probably not a neighbours cat, as all cats would go out the back, not the front, and it is living mostly on our doorstep. We fed it, at the children's insistence.

It has been there for 3 days.

who is being unreasonable?

  1. We keep it, feed it up, and get it well. We call the local cats homes and tell them we have it. We take it to them for checks/chip checks etc and to see if it has an owner who is missing it. If not, it stays with us. In our cramped and tiny place. We will have to insure it, get it sorted if unwell etc etc and the costs incurred with that and the other cats will not like it.
  1. We take it to the cats home, and let them deal with it. It's owners might be found. It might be unwell, they can help it get well, and if no owners, they can rehouse. If it is an old cat, which is seems it might be, one of us has said it might be put down? not sure if this is true. Our cats will be happy, the children will get over it.

We can't agree.

OP posts:
bundaberg · 12/09/2013 21:28

neither of you are being unreasonable. it's a decision that you both have to make tho...

i don't think either option has anything remotely unreasonable about it. if it goes to a decent shelter that has a no-kill policy then I can't see the issue

CaptainCapybara · 12/09/2013 21:28

Honestly, I would go for option 2 for the sake of your other cats. I understand why you want to look after it but there seem to be more cons than pros.

Mogz · 12/09/2013 22:04

Take it to the vets or shelter, could be chipped and belong to someone having gotten lost in a house move/ chased by a dog.
Extra digits in cats is called polydactylism btw.

hiddenhome · 12/09/2013 22:06

It might be microchipped. My cat is currently missing and chipped and I'd be really upset if someone adopted him thinking he's a stray without even checking for a chip Sad

Take it to a rescue shelter or a vet to check.

YouTheCat · 12/09/2013 22:07

Cats with thumbs are after our milk!

I'd go for 1 probably but I'm a sucker for a friendly cat in need.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 12/09/2013 22:16

hidden oh, whatever happens, we wouldn't just take the cat, we would take him/her to the home to make sure he/her wasn't loved already and check for chips/get registered for future owners to come forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 12/09/2013 22:20

I just google polydactylism - wiki says it's most common in North America, South West UK and Wales. I am SW UK! Never heard of it! It's one single additional 'thumb', I thought at first it was a break or something, but it's on both feet.

OP posts:
Cupcake1985 · 12/09/2013 22:23

Option 2 or you will become 'that family with loads of cats' .... And no money. It will be sad but your other cats will be happier without it. One of your cats sounds like it would be happier without any other cats, hope there isn't cat bullying going on.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 12/09/2013 22:27

cupcake yes, there is definitely bullying going on. Siblings, big cat vs little cat. But little cat has the bedroom so it all balances out. She is quite placid, and takes a lot too much shit. But, go into her bedroom, and fur flies. He tries to eat her food, but we are wise to that, so we feed them together (not next to each other) and then she gets a little extra when he is not looking as he 'encourages' her to leave before she is done. He is a miserable cat. But, still lovely.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 12/09/2013 22:32

I say miserable, I don't mean unhappy. He is just sulky. He gets grumpy. He is the one we tell friends' kids to not stroke. But he gives the best fusses, loves to lay across you when you watch the tv, turns into a proper goofball when you get him in the right mood, and loves the children trying to wind him up (he is used to them now, just doesn't like others). He is the dominant one. The female, she is shy, timid, keeps away from people mostly, but has never bitten, scratched, or got cross other than when I forget to feed her then she might swipe at my legs. She likes fusses at night when we are tucked up in bed, and is an annoying stealth fusser in the middle of the night. She is the 'childrens cat', DDs in particular, she loves her.

OP posts:
DaleyBump · 12/09/2013 22:34

I say 2.

I am desperate to know who is who!

ThisIsMummyPig · 12/09/2013 22:37

I would do option 2, because I wouldn't want your stray to get beaten up by your existing cat.

One thing I am sure of is that, very sadly, there will always be more stray cats in the future.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 12/09/2013 22:42

funnily, when we got the last stray, it was winter, so we had to have it with us over the weekend, as not even the more practical of us could leave it outside. And the cats were great with it. But, it was a very young cat, and I don't know if this one is very young - it sticks it's tongue out, and leaves it there, which reminds me of my older cat when I was growing up, she did that in the later stages of her life and I always connected that with being poorly.

OP posts:
festered · 12/09/2013 23:37

I'm in agreement with 1. Most cat rescues put animals to sleep :( if you can give a good home, do the right thing :)

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 13/09/2013 08:59

Ah! Dh was outside the house last night and two young women, new neighbours we think, were fussing the cat. They seemed enamoured with it so Dh asked if they were thinking of looking after it. They said they were so he said they best make their minds up quick as if it were still there tomorrow we would be taken to the vets! He also told them to check if was chipped or lost.

I am 1. Btw. I am such a cat lover, and would happily be mad cat woman! It's not that I want lots of cats, but I don't want animals to be unloved, in pain, in the cold, lost. I want to bring it in, feed it up and try to find its owners. If it is lost, the owners would not want it starving and so we can care for it while we try to trace them. As well as calling vets and animal shelters, i will out up some posters etc in the shops and on lamposts, dd would love to help with that. If it never gets re united then it can stay with us. My grumpy sod of a cat will get over it. He likes a reason to be grumpy. If he really really didnt take to the idea then we would think about that, but, I don't want it put to sleep. It's such a lovely thing.

  1. Is Dh. He is not a huge animal fan. He is thinking purely financial cost, and that it might pee and poo everywhere. Ad doesnt want three cats. But, it's now raining here, so if I see it outside, it's coming in! Even if only til we take it to gables farm.

We had strays when we grew up, dogs and cats, there was a cat, little kitten, locked in a house when the owners moved. Left on purpose. My brother broke in to get it, and my mum nursed it back to health, this cat reminds me of that cat.

I would consider taking it to gables farm if they don't have a put down policy but I am not sure. I will give them a call this morning anyway and tell them there is a lost cat.

OP posts:
spindlyspindler · 13/09/2013 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buttermellow · 13/09/2013 12:21

I would check if it has a chip, and if not, just keep it. We have threw cats - two full brothers but from different litters, and one rescue. There are always teething problems at first, maybe a hiss or a nip but they do get used to each other eventually. Rescue and the younger brother are now the best of pals.. We even have a cat thats actually our neighbours but keeps making her way into ours, and none of our three bother when she eats their dinner or sleeps on their bed!! They can be surprisingly accepting, even if they're not meant to be!

diddl · 13/09/2013 12:26

I would have to say 2 if it was bothering your cats, I think.

Hope it gets a new home soon!

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 13/09/2013 16:52

I would get it checked for a chip, and if not, keep it. I'm not sure DH would agree, but he'd get used to it. Three cats can't be much more work than 2.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 14/09/2013 16:17

Aw, the cat is not there any more. I expect the other women took it. They did tell DH they would get it checked for a chip. I hope it either gets back to it's owners, or it has found someone to love it.

OP posts:
ScottishInSwitzerland · 14/09/2013 16:20

I was going to say option 2, but take it in if it would otherwise be put to sleep (eg if too old for rehoming).

I see now that the cat has gone, hope it is being well cared for,

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