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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ignore my dd's new found favourite thing to do!

20 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 12/09/2013 20:32

My dd is 2.8 and mixed race (Asian/British) she has this week decided to point out every black person she sees and I don't really know whether I should say something or just ignore her. The thing is she is so joyously happy when she sees a black person she will shout over to them really loud! She shouts "hi black! Hi black!"
I've had one lady act very embarrassed, one question me and most ignore..I have to say I do feel embarrassed for the poor men and women going about their own business and being pointed out like this :(
I just want to know what to do really. I would hate for anyone to take it the wrong way!
Her godfather is black, most of our friends are Asian or Chinese.. Why is she doing this and how should I act when she does it?

OP posts:

namechangesforthehardstuff · 12/09/2013 20:40

My DD is doing something fairly similar at the moment and, given that we live in an extremely multi-cultural area, I am also finding it a bit embarrassing.

I'm trying to remember that she is just pointing out factual information about people and it's best to let her do that otherwise she might think there's something wrong with being black. I'd be very interested in what people of colour have to say on this though?

Our trouble started with the Amazing Grace books

CoffeeTea103 · 12/09/2013 20:56

You need to find out why she is doing this. Someone might take offense being pointed out in a crowd of people and you might not like their reaction. What do you do when she does this? If nothing, then someone might turn around and give you a mouthful for it. It is offensive, even if it is from a small child.

Original poster

Doubtfuldaphne · 12/09/2013 21:02

The thing is, to her, she is just pointing out what she sees. If I make a big deal of it she will enjoy the attention and do it more. I have no idea why she's doing it.. She has lots of black dollies and mixed race dollies and white dollies..she doesn't seem to notice a difference with them.

OP posts:

namechangesforthehardstuff · 12/09/2013 21:19

Well in dd's case she's asking questions - 'why is that person's skin brown mummy? . To which I would reply 'Well we're all different aren't we? That person's hair is curly like yours but that person's hair is straight' etc etc...

CoffeeTea103 · 12/09/2013 21:20

Has she met anyone recently , maybe someone she really likes and by saying black then she is just associating this person?

Catsize · 12/09/2013 21:45

My niece (from a very caucasian area), on a London bus...
'Mummy, why is that man painted?'...

DragonsAreReal · 12/09/2013 21:51

My ds is mixed race (white/black) and pointed out every brown boy (his words) for ages. Even now it's how he defines people.

I have told him off a few times when he's been rude about it as it is rude to point things out about someone. The same way he got a bollocking when pointing out one of the school dads has that condition (can't remember name) where their face is bright red.

You would tell your child it's rude to point out facial moles, spots, ect ect I feel pointing anything out to single anyone out is rude.

WorraLiberty · 12/09/2013 21:52

When my niece was 18 months old, Tiswas and Lenny Henry were really popular on TV.

Whenever she saw a black man, she'd point and shout "Oooh kaaay!"

BrokenSunglasses · 12/09/2013 22:10

Go along with it in the same way you would if she was suddenly facinated with dogs, or red cars. She two and she's learning, not doing something wrong. She's still too young to understand the concept of something being rude or inappropriate. She will move onto something else soon.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 12/09/2013 22:36

DD also went through a stage of pointing people out by gender. I think she's just learned to differentiate and was impressed at this new way to carve up the world.

I'm not going to be telling her off for noticing things which are just facts about people I don't think.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/09/2013 22:41

You would hope that any black person she did this to would not be offended by a 2 year old but think its cute... I wouldn't sweat it for now..it will pass

Pipparivers · 12/09/2013 22:44

She is learning. It isn't offensive, she is a child. My ds points out every man he sees, now that is exhausting. Literally every man. We had workmen in the house recently and he followed them round repeatedly saying man. He know says man when looking at the work they have done just so the whole family is clear that there once was a man in the house who put some light fittings up!!!

TwoTearsInABucket · 12/09/2013 22:52

My DS does this and he is 5. Also likes to point out if someone is a man or woman andcsometimes gets it wrong
I have absolutely no idea how to deal with it

BillStickersIsInnocent · 12/09/2013 23:08

My DD's (3) thing is to point out larger people - "he's a fat man". She's right of course but I've told her that it's rude to point. I've apologised before to people, it must be horrible to be talked about, even if it's by a child. She also has pointed and commented about people who use wheelchairs, and tall people, and people with pink/blue hair, long beards etc. It's ok to notice difference - we're all unique- but it's not ok to comment or point or stare.

42andcounting · 12/09/2013 23:35

My niece did this when she was about the same age, made for some mortifying bus journeys... "Oooooooh, look at that big fat lady!", "Auntie X, why has that lady got blue hair?", etc etc. Where someone could potentially be offended I would explain to her that everyone is different, and it isn't very kind to comment about these differences in case it hurts that persons feelings - she understood this better when she went to nursery and was teased about having red hair! Where they weren't so potentially offensive (eg the blue rinse), I just went with the matter of fact approach - "Well she probably wanted it to match her lovely blue coat, doesn't she look smart/lovely ". It seemed to work - probably helped that I was a bit of a goth, and so didn't look exactly mainstream myself mind - she was exposed to 'different' very early in life, bless her.

TeamSouthfields · 12/09/2013 23:40

CoffeeTea.... How is it offensive?
The person is black
The small child is simply saying that

Offensive how???

TeamSouthfields · 12/09/2013 23:44

Just talk about differences in everyone, get some simple books, it'll pass...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 12/09/2013 23:48

She's doing nothing wrong at all OP and I would hope/assume that any reasonable black person will understand what it is she's doing which is recognising difference and sameness...she's celebrating herself and other people who share the same attributes.

Smile at the people she points out....comment to DD "Yes, that's right" and change the subject...she'll get over this, it's a phase...go with it for now though and make sure she's got plenty of books and toys with mixed race characters.

Canthisonebeused · 12/09/2013 23:50

Just start to tell her she shouldn't point and shout at strangers as they may not like it, just as you would if she was pointing Nd shouting to people about anything. Encourager it's ok for her to quietly tell just you about the things she notices about other people. It's normal for children her age to do this, they are noticing the differences about people, just need to teach her some discretion .

Do you think she could do with some how learning about why people have different skin colour, maybe you could do this by talking about her own skin and people in her family who have the same and different colour skin to her and who and where these differences originate. It could be very simple and basic ie you have similar coulor skin to x and mummy has similar coulor skin to x but different from x and eventually build this up to where the origins of everyone in the families differences come from.

NoComet · 12/09/2013 23:54

DD(15) had a little boy call out "look that ladies got blue teeth"", she has, she's got a brace with coloured spacers.

She said is dad looked , but she grinned. She says it was said, just like the ops DD is doing, in a little child's joy at discovering something voice. Really cute and totally impossible to mind.

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