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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

oh god i have to go on a spa weekend soon for a hen do. AIBU to ask

65 replies

dirtyface · 12/09/2013 16:00

why oh why do grown women getting married have to force all their mates to shell out 100s on organised "fun"

i have to go. she is one of my oldest mates, i can't let her down

but i will be 4 months pregnant

and its over 120 quid

i can't go in the jacuzzi or have any treatments due to being pg

i can't drink

i won't know many people

and i will most probably have to share a room with someone i don't know

aaaaargh :(

OP posts:

Latara · 12/09/2013 17:06

dirtyface I feel your pain - I have to go on a £200 hen weekend (including spa) that I can't really afford but can't really miss - it's a younger friend who's getting married for the 1st time and she's really excited.

There's a night out included but I will be the only one not drinking (medication not pg) - I should enjoy that tho. It's the spa treatments that i'm nervous about! I may try a massage but i'm not sure..

yummumto3girls · 12/09/2013 17:15

Don't be so miserable, there is loads you can do at the spa and if you can afford it you should support your best friend, sounds like she's having a tough time trying to organise something that makes everyone happy so if she's that good a friend she needs your help and support. Ask if you can share a room with her if you are worried.

EastwickWitch · 12/09/2013 18:33

Could you go for the day? You could say that you will be no fun with all the drinking games & don't want to wake up your room mate getting up for the loo endlessly.
it might be nice to put on a dressing gown & lounge about having your nails done & a pregnancy massage then leave when it gets rowdy (and expensive)?

CockBollocks · 12/09/2013 18:44

If you cant afford it then tell her now and don't go.

If you can get the money together then you are being a spoilsport imo.

She is your friend and you say a close one. I have been on spa days and weekends with pregnant friends and been pregnant myself on one. So that is no real excuse.

You can enjoy uninterrupted adult chat (something you cant do when the baby arrives!!), take loads of books and trashy mags for lazing around, treat yourself to a pedicure whilst you can still see your feet.

You never know you may enjoy it.

AnyFucker · 12/09/2013 18:45

God, you poor woman

CockBollocks · 12/09/2013 18:45

Drinking games at a spa weekend ??!!

DontmindifIdo · 12/09/2013 18:47

See, I had a spa break hen do (although mine cost £70 per head, which included your room, lunch on two days, dinner and breakfast, then one treatment, either massage or facial each- proper bargain). I organised this myself because I hate organised fun, a spa break is lounging around, drinking fruit teas, going off to have nails done or treatments, then having a civilised dinner together. I realised left to her own devises, my bridesmaid would arrange a matching t-shirts/fancy dress day/night out with activities (I believe pole dancing lessons were suggested) , then I'd end up a drunken mess in some city centre, wearing "L" plates and trying to find my way back to the sort of crappy hotel that'll allow large groups. Hideous.

Op, if you can't afford it/don't want to go, then don't, but I wouldn't assume you can't join in, I can't imagine you can't have any of the treatments (I've certainly had facials and massages when pregnant, you just have to tell them as some products can't be used), there should be a pool, and ime, the dinner in the evening at a spa isn't usually a boozy one, so you'll be less "odd one out" than if it was a night out dinner and getting pissed planned. (also worth checking if it's at a hotel or spa not too far from you, could you just join them for lunch or dinner if you really hate the idea)

calamitygin · 12/09/2013 18:48

just explain very nicely that if you weren't pregnant you would have loved to have come but as you are and can't have any of the treatments etc you're really sorry but you won't be able to make it but would be delighted to take her out for a lovely healing lunch when she gets back? If she's a really good old friend she might be a bit disappointed but she'll really understand. Just talk to her, she's your friend.

YANBU

fatlazymummy · 12/09/2013 20:05

Just don't go if you don't want to. Your friend doesn't need 'support' - she's getting married, not undergoing some terrible ordeal.
Personally I wouldn't go, not because of being pregnant but because a weekend in a spa seems incredibly boring to me, not to mention a colossal waste of time and money.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 12/09/2013 20:14

Christ, why do women do this shit to themselves? I would much prefer go-karting, paint balling or strippers Alton Towers. This is one area of life where men have got it right. I've no idea why anyone in their right mind would want someone called Tiffany to wrap them in seaweed and cling film and pay fifty quid for the pleasure.

Otoh, don't understand why you can't have treatments because your PG. what about a nice Brazilian while you still have lady parts worth publicising?

Sorry. YANBU

Therealamandaclarke · 12/09/2013 20:15

Do as you wish of course.
But you can go in a jacuzzi when pregnant.
There will be treatments you can have (although the treatments will probably be an additional expense anyway.
You might enjoy being in the water.
Check on doctoranddaughter.co.uk or similar (can't remember the website address. But it's a site devised by a London obstetrician about what's ok in pregnancy. Myth busting etc.

callamia · 12/09/2013 20:18

I don't think I'd want to shell out for a weekend where I could pretty much just go swimming (on my own because everyone else was in the hot tub). Have a look at the pregnancy friendly treatments, but they seem to be packaged and so more expensive...

You still don't have to go at all - especially if you're not going to be able to join in. Can you go along for dinner? Not boozing isn't very hard work, and you've shown willing...

Meglet · 12/09/2013 20:24

Don't go.

I've refused hen do spa days, and I wasn't even pregnant. I can't think of anything more hideous than hanging around chatting in dressing gowns. When I need a massage I go on my own, I don't need my hand held.

justmyview · 12/09/2013 20:25

I'm with OP. She's a good friend and it sounds as though you can afford it, so I think you probably should go, but I share your pain. Funny how the word "wedding" seems like a trump card. I've been to several hen nights out that I would never have gone to if it had been an optional works night out

AuntyPippaAndUncleHarry · 12/09/2013 20:35

Doesn't it sound like she picked the spa idea as so many people dropped out of what she really wanted to do which was have a fun boozey time away? Spa perhaps viewed as more suitable for bunch of mums as you describe yourselves. IMO you are being a spoil sport. Go and enjoy the spa. Relaxing in lovely surroundings and having a swim. What is there to moan about? YOUR friend wants an hen. She is excited to be marrying. Stop moaning and making it about you.

DontmindifIdo · 12/09/2013 20:54

TondelayoSchwarzkopf - paintballing, go-karting and Alton Towers in a large group all being on a strict time table of "this is when we'll have fun!" sounds like hell!

See, whatever you plan for a large group, you'll find some who truely hate what you suggest and think you're doing it just to be a nightmare - agree, does sound like the "boozy weekend away" was not popular so she's gone for "civilised, grown up 'girls' weekend" instead.

holidaysarenice · 12/09/2013 21:43

I heard a lecturer at uni tell us about a baby born with severe developmental problems, damage to developing brain and organs. The cause - too long (over 4 hours) in a jacuzzi at too high a heat at a crucial devlopmental stage.

holidaysarenice · 12/09/2013 21:47

yummumto3girls · 12/09/2013 22:21

I think this thread shows how hard it is to find something that pleases everyone!! What a nightmare!! I really don't understand the thing about Jacuzzi's when pregnant, they're not that hot, my baths at home are way hotter and I stayed in them way longer when pregnant!

specialsubject · 12/09/2013 22:31

oh dear, it looks like thinking that a spa is a really boring thing to do goes down as well as not buying tat for people at Christmas. :-)

stuck indoors all day, shared water, no doubt tiny pool so you can't even have a proper swim, ghastly fragrances everywhere, painful treatments. No ta.

ShakeAndVac · 12/09/2013 22:36

At 4 months pregnant, if she's any proper friend, she won't mind if you explain to her and will completely understand.
You obviously can't drink, as you say, you can't use the jacuzzi or have most kinds of essential oil type massage things, and basically it's going to be a bit crap for you.
If I were you, I'd explain it to her like you have here. If I was your friend, I'd completely understand.
Say you'll go out for a meal with her when she gets back instead and she can have a mini 'second' hen night with you. Meal, mocktails for you and cocktails for her type thing.

squoosh · 12/09/2013 22:40

I love spas, find them relaxing and blissful, but wouldn't especially like to be stuck there with lots of people I don't particularly know.

Agree that paintballing and all that malarkey can be just as painful in terms of 'organised fun'.

Poor bride, it's really hard to accomodate loads of different tastes.

YeahWhat · 12/09/2013 22:45

You shouldn't go, it would be silly to go if you don't want to. If she is a real friend she won't mind. She will be dissapointed but she won't mind.

pinkr · 13/09/2013 00:32

You can go in the jacuzzi....the only risk with it is over heating but tbh a bath in you're house is likely to be hotter. Steam room etc is ob out. Take a book, lie on a lounger and relax. Enjoy the peace while you can.

whois · 13/09/2013 00:37

I think you should go if it is a good friend. It will be a nice weekend relaxing and chatting with friends. Read a book, have a swim. Stop being so miserable. Of be upset if a good friend didnt go when they had initially been keen.

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