To be getting a bit tired of my DD's 'poor me' routine...

[spudalicious]

I love her to pieces. She is bright, funny, kind, loving, joyous, interesting and sparky, but she is DRIVING ME CRAZY.

She is 7.5.

She cannot do anything without being nagged. Washing, dressing, eating, homework, leaving the house when it's time to go. There is always something more interesting to talk about/do or apparently a lot of sitting around staring into space to be done.

I am sick and tired of repeating the same instructions over and over again and of hearing the complaints 'But mummy it is hard for me to remember to do things.' or 'But mummy, I had to stroke the cat/find a toy/roam around the room for a bit first' or 'But mummy, why do I have to get washed/dressed/eat/sleep/go to school now?'

In addition all small bumps/bruises, minor disappointments (an afterschool activity was cancelled this week and it caused 40 minutes of crying) are world shattering events that require her to all but throw herself to the ground and writhe around in despair . Currently a mouth ulcer means every bite of food is accompanied by 'Ow, oh, ow, ooooo'.

Managing this positively (which I have singularly failed to do this week) is driving me batshit crazy.

I'm a single parent, and have no one really to easily bounce ideas off. I am reinstating a reward chart method that had some success at the end of last term and am practising calming behaviours for myself but I feel like we are stuck in a vicious circle with each other where she prevaricates and overreacts and I get increasingly frustrated.

AIBU to expect a 7.5 year old to be able to get herself ready in the mornings without constant prompting? AIBU to wish she wasn't so overdramatic about tiny little things all the time? AIBU to occasionally wonder if there's a bigger issue?

Or do I just have a 7 year old and probably need a day off?

Try having DD1 who is 14, DD2 who is 10 and DS who is 2 for a day, your DD will seem like a total angel next to mine lol. I do feel for you though xx

Mine were like that at your daughter's age.

To give you hope, they tend to 'wake-up' around nine and half!

so glad we gave ds10 a smart phone and ruined it all

I also have a 7 year-old girl. Either they are cut from the same cloth or it is typical 7 year-old girl behaviour. I feel your pain but can offer only sympathy instead of advice!

Do we have the same child OP. dd1 is also 7.5, and seems to have developed brain sieve. Everything is repeated 6 times before anything is done. And even then she tries to say she's done something when she hasn't.
Eg "have you brushed your hair?"
"Yes mummy"
And hair is obviously unbrushed.

I'm hoping she'll grow out of it soon.

Only a suggestion but I would make up rules for her... Maybe draw a little page with things I need and thins I want.

On the need side.. School, eat dinner, use a proper speaking voice.. On the other.. Playing with pet etc.

Then draw up the rules from that and the reward chart would be great.

I would also use a timer.. Get a nice one and make things into games.. She gets a sticker for beating the clock etc.

praise her a lot when you catch her being good... Like if she eats her meal without complaint say.. Wow I am so proud you are being a grown up little girl etc. I think this positive attention works so much better.

You're so super that you got dressed in great time.. We will watch a lovely film tonight because I am so proud etc.

Not that I want you all to suffer as well, but I do feel better knowing it's not just me.

I was beginning to think she was broken and wondering where I could take her for repair.

It's like a night's sleep is a reset button and in the morning all knowledge of basic tasks or expectations is lost.

Although I would say other people have commented that she is a particularly, um, tricky customer. I also regularly look after other kids who are nowhere near the trickster that she is.

Thanks mrsp. I do try and do the positive reinforcement schtick and always try and tell her when she's done something well. Must. Try. And. Focus.

I like the idea of a Need/Want chart. That would appeal to Little Miss List.

With regards to pain and injuries, I was a bit wet when I was her age and would cry over nettle stings etc. Mum had a grading system of 1-10, with 10 being broken bone/hospital. Funnily enough, I never got over a 6. Even when I scraped half my face off on a tree. However, it has toughened me up and I now play rugby, event horses and ski off piste in slightly crazy situations... So.... Be careful with this method, because actually now my mum spends all her time saying, "Do be careful- don't hurt yourself".

Another method that I use with slightly fragile girls is the magic shake, which is they have to vigorously shake the bit of them that is hurting and they can shake the pain out on to the floor. If you make it really silly and all do it together they usually start laughing and forget that they hurt. Probs wont work for mouth ulcers as they are bloody annoying but does work brilliantly for knocks and falls.

LOL - I think it is just some kids - I have a 12 year old DD who is exactly the same... she goes "away with the fairies" and needs reminding of general day to day stuff all the time...

Homework, or work for the school magazine or piano practise however gets done with military precision - because it HAS to be done, or because she likes it... but general stuff - nag nag nag... and the llama dramas over the slightest cut or knock - or EVEN WORSE - the belief that we have not sufficiently acknowledged her pain...OMG....

My 7 year old girl responds to the "have you washed your face/brushed your hair/packed your bag etc" with a "I was just about to do it Mummy", followed by a deep sigh as if she is being very put upon. I'm not sure that it much better tbh.

Hehehe. I do feel your pain OP. Would send anyone to the mad house! Mine have such selective hearing it blows my mind.

My advice is that if you'd success with something, i.e. reward charts, stick it through. Consistency is key, and sometimes it can take a little while for the penny to drop. And unfortunately, sometimes they just have to mature out of it. Is this a new thing, or has this been going on for a while?

Sit her down and have a calm talk. Explain that Mummy gets tired of hearing non stop complaining, and that everyone needs to contribute to the running of the house. We have a marble jar for my youngest two which works pretty well. The idea is that you can only gain marbles, I don't take away for crap behaviour, so it's all positive reinforcement. When the jar is full, they get a treat day, i.e. picking a movie, trip to the pool, etc.

I do empathise with the dramatic carrying on over injuries, my 5yo DD has great form for this, despite me never catering to it a day in her life. I imagine you already do this, but just go "Oh pet, it's just a bump! Now are you going to help me do xyz?" Any other carry on, and I reassure them that they'll live, and tell them that if they wish to continue they may do so out of earshot in their rooms.

With mornings, could you put her to bed a little earlier and then wake her up a bit earlier? I find packing bags and laying out clothes the night before helps. Also, my 7yo has a check list: teeth, hair, clothes, shoes, bag, which he really likes and helps keep things moving. What about setting a timer and racing against Mummy? Also, I've taken one of mine in in his pjs after one too many morning rows. The school office found him a uniform for the day, and it never happened again!

This has turned into a right essay! Just wanted to empathise with how hard it can be - but they do grow out of it! and then they become teens and all hell breaks loose

So is the bedtime crisis/urgent message part of this as well? My just turned 8 yo girl has been exactly the same of the last 6 months or so...
YANBU, I'm finding it very trying too.

My 16, 14 and nearly 10 year olds need constant nagging!!

Any small 'spills' and I just assumed everything was fine until proven otherwise - so I made light of them - eg I'd say, "oh, do we need an ambulance?" Too much sympathy can be counter-productive!

It's not just you, it drives me batshit crazy too, but I also don't pander to it for the most part. If my 7yo ds1 doesn't get dressed when he needs to for school, I pick up his clothes, lob them out the front door, and carry him downstairs and outside too, kicking and screaming if needs be. I then give him one single chance to get dressed fast, or I then pick him up and carry him to school in what he's wearing. I've only ever needed to get to the end of the road twice. With 5 yo ds2 we got all the way to school in his pyjamas and I deposited him in his teacher's arms with his uniform in a bag. She loves that I am hardcore, and the kids know full well not to push me in the morning.

Temper tantrums and crying fits over stuff that I can't do anything about I just ignore tbh. I'll console him for a few minutes and try and jolly him along but if it's clearly not working then I walk away and go do something else. He hates the withdrawal of attention more than he likes being upset, it would seem.

Eating. Dinner is on the table for 30 minutes, after that it's removed and they can go to bed hungry. Has only happened a handful of times in the past two or three years, he's plenty old enough to understand and accept that those are the natural consequences of his choice. Similarly with breakfast - if they don't eat before we need to get upstairs to dress then they don't eat. Only ever happened once.

Ultimately the aim is to inconvenience him more than me, and for me to keep my temper and not have to shout. So yes, I'll nag and give reminders, and plenty of chances, but they absolutely know where the end point line is, and that I will always, but always, follow through.

But I'm not totally draconian - I praise the good almost to the point of excess, we use sticker charts (working towards a new micro scooter), and as he gets older every year, the behaviour gets better too. Chin up, it'll pass eventually!

You allow her to distract you with excuses. Do not keep repeating instructions - Give an instruction once and then if she tries to distract you or ignores you then you need to make her do whatever it is!
Why would she do anything immediately if you she knows you are prepared to keep repeating it without any follow through?
Eventually she will realise that you mean what you say and are prepared to make her do it and she will learn she may as well do it straight away.
You just have to not give up until the message sinks in - and it will if you are consistent.
Of course when she does comply with instructions/ requests - praise her.

As for the way she reacts to small bumps and stuff - ignore it.

Its not really about what she does - its about how you react to it!

Some dcs are just like this. My 7yo dd is easy going, co-operative and flexible (sorry) but I have 10yo ds who sounds very much like your dd. He is becoming a much more pleasant child as he matures.

Our of everything I've tried, the most successful was:

1. The book 123 Magic. It really works.
2. The book "Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting" (good advice on never asking twice).
3. List on the fridge for what they need to do before school every day. Ours say things like "Monday: get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, homework and snack in bag, swimming bag". It means instead of asking them if they've done each task I just say "check your list."

When they want something I tell them "sure, once you've tidied your room/got your clothes on/put the bins out/whatever".

The drama - ignore, but if genuinely upset I empathise but don't necessarily try to fix the problem.